Son won't move out!

Of course that's what he's waiting for, OP! Sorry!

He's living in a bit of a dream world. Can your DH wake him up with some home truths?

Oh dear, break up aside, this sounds like my brother/parents scenario.

He came home from Uni (he went in his 30s) with an agreement that it was temporary until he was job settled. Then it’s was when he had a deposit on a property. My parents began to divide their lives as a hint. Two fridges, his and theirs. Didn’t do his washing up he left regularly (until they ran out of plates).
My mother became ill (Parkinson’s) but he still left washing by the machine complaining if his favourite shirt wasn’t clean for the weekend.

Familar?
On my brother’s 40th birthday my parents gave him an eviction notice and a pile of possible one bed apartments locally. They got wind he was about to buy himself a very expensive car, which was equivalent to a house deposit.

It was hard for him, because my parents hadn’t prepared him for bills, feeding himself and housework but he’s survived.

The issue here is he's a pain in the arse because he's sleeping on the sofa.

The conversation needs to be about how this isn't ok with you and he needs to stop wallowing and get on with things.

If it's only a few weeks, it's time to fuck off. If it's not only a few weeks, then he needs to pay rent and move into the spare room.

You are being a doormat by letting him continue on the sofa. As much as anything because it's bloody disgusting to be sleeping on the sofa and then socialising on it during the day.

If you’ve got room, and he’s contributing a fair share, I wouldn’t see a problem. If however he’s a lazy slob who leaves his mess everywhere, wet towels on the bathroom floor, unwashed dishes in the kitchen, etc. and won’t shell out a fair ‘rent’, that’s a different matter.

As far as I’m concerned, adult dds will always be welcome here - even though they’ve got their own houses, to us this is still their home, too.

When we realised that she could just enjoy buy something

Just ABOUT! I hate autocorrect.

Is he the one who wouldn't propose and was living in the ex's property?

I'd boot him out, he's not going to change.

My DD can't back home after a break up. She pitched in, bought all the groceries, worked hard and pretty much straight away started thinking about her next move, researching rentals/buying etc. When we realised that she could just enjoy buy something, she out everything into it, and obviously I was happy for her to stay while she found something. I think it was about 6-8 months, but she was a fully functioning and considerate adult throughout, unlike OP 's son.

Get some kind of bed sorted for the spare room - a cheap futon would do as a temporary measure. Move him in there.
Tell him it’s been 2 months now so he needs to start contributing to the house - charge him a small rent to cover bills.
I very much hope he is pulling his weight with housework and cooking, if he’s not that needs to change asap.
Give him a date for when he has to sort his own place out - June seems fair that would be 6 months since he moved in

Sit down with him and sort out what you want.

1. Get your living room back. Put a bed in the spare room. If a new bed is needed he can buy it and take it with him when he moves out.

1. Charge rent. A realistic amount.

1. He needs to be helping with household chores - shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, gardening.

1. Agree a deadline for him moving out. He needs focus and a purpose and he'll be a much more attractive option as a bf if he's not kipping on his mum's sofa.

And there’s the drip feed… sounds like his ex dodged a bullet there!

Tell him that if he wants to act like a child he can do it in his own home, but whilst he's living at yours then he lives by your rules. No sleeping on the sofa, no gaming anywhere but his own room, he does his own laundry/cooking and he pays towards the bills. He's an adult and it's time he grew up. The days of his parents pandering to him are over.

You are now experiencing what his ex did. The inability to decide what he actually wants, see what needs doing and getting it done, as well as listening to other people, who his behaviour is affecting. He hasn't quite grown up. Your DH has got his number, so he needs to have a word. If you move him into the spare room, you'll be posting about him still being there in another year. Unless you find a woman who you can tell she best accept him because there aren't many good men out there and she's getting on. Of course she'll have to be more convenient than your couch. Wake up.

Do you think he's going to find a new place and be able to move in in 6 days time?

He either finds somewhere by end of next week or he sorts a bed in spare room.

Say your happy him to be here but he cant stay on the sofa.

This.

I love them and like them to. Doesnt mean I want to live with them as adults.

Entirely up to you OP. There is no right or wrong answer. And you are more than well within your rights to ask him to leave. All these ridiculous post from people who want to live with their adult children forever. I love my kids but they are adults and the last thing I want is them living at home. I want them out and independent and I can I get on with my life without them under my feet.

You should tell him that the sofa sleeping cannot continue. You're done with that. He either moves into the spare room and pays a fair contribution for the cost of housing him or he finds a flat, but he's not sleeping on your sofa any more.

You need to TELL him that sleeping on the sofa was temporary and 3 months on is taking the piss now so he either moves into the spare room with a bed and pays the going rent or he finds somewhere and moves in by the end of Feb

Well, he’s an adult and needs to start acting like one. He’s not a child and doesn’t need baby-fying.

Break ups happen.

Sit him down and give him a time limit to find somewhere else. 👍

I remember the previous posts very well and could see this coming a mile away.
Still, its quite funny, karma etc.

He does work. The OP said in the first post that he has a good job

theres a lot of context to this with a previous long thread about his long term girlfriend kicking him out due to his unwillingness to commit

His selfishness is a feature not a bug

My parents did that to me - only difference being that I was looking for a job and struggled finding one.

Several decades later they wonder why we don't have a close relationship.

Thanks for clarifying. Either way he doesn’t get to take over her living room. Time to go.