Son won't move out!

@Bunnybigears

because its what adults do?

Well done on raising such independent adults. You are doing them no favours

fair 😂

Why are asking him for his opinion?
Set the bed where you think it's appropriate, it's your house. And give him a deadline to find somewhere to live if that's an issue. I think 2-3 weeks is a good amount of time to find somewhere, maybe with another couple of weeks to actually move in..

OP, your house, your decisions, your rules!

He gets off the sofa and moves into the spare room and pays you a decent rent - if you are happy with that.

But stop letting him sleep on the sofa if you don't want that.

Either sort out the above or tell him to move out, but take charge of it one way or another.

Presumably though you weren’t marinating on the couch with zero interest in putting a roof over your own head.

I would just sort the spare room and make him sleep there, tell him sofa isn’t an option anymore

Get a bed in the spare room and reclaim your lounge. That should help matters.

It isn’t entirely clear what the problem is though. Do you not get on?

Who is “us?” Is it you and DS father? Or are we talking about another man who maybe resents DS being there?

Ah, so it seems there’s a lot more to this situation than you first said @OneGreenPoster!

When I split from my ex, I moved back in with my parents and was welcomed with open arms. I was there 6 months and both of them cried when I left. We had a lovely 6 months living together. I am even more grateful for them, after reading some of the responses on here!

He is waiting on his e getting back in contact

suggest to him that whilst he is waiting he gets on with his life and looks at spare rooms dot com for a lodging situation, which he isn't tied into a contract and can give a weeks notice

Otherwise just crashing at his mums looks dubious to the ex, as if he hasn't got any get up and go

Posters warned you this would happen on your last thread. He was quite comfortable living off his ex, and now he’s quite comfortable living off you.

You’re going to have to get a lot tougher with him if you want him out.

Ohhhhh... she's that poster!

OP - it's time to be a real parent. One who teaches their children on how to be a grown up, one who can navigate and flourish out in the world rather than rotting on your sofa. He needs to do chores, cook, buy food, move to a bedroom and have clear instructions that he needs to be out in 6 weeks (or whatever you feel is right). Tell him house shares exist. HMOs exist. Lodgings exist. Spare room dot com exists. Take rent off him and use that as a rental deposit on his next place if you don't think he'll save enough. Guide him, teach him, enforce boundaries and finally, mean what you say.

You and your DH need to be on the same page as the only way you will get your adult son put of his comfort zone and adulting on his own is to force the issue

That he is camping on your sofa, playing games and usurping your lives like this is indicative of a perma-man child. You grew him now you need to remind him of his real life status

That old saying, be cruel to be kind springs to mind

Its either that or keep him, loan him out to the next GF and take him back when she too has had enough, rinse and repeat forever

Yep, it's the same one.

Seems like he takes his lacksadisal approach to every relationship in his life, and is very immature. Probably still be living with his parents when he's 40.

Is it the same girlfriend that broke up with him because he refused to talk about future marriage etc?
What does your husband think? He seemed sensible during the breakup aftermath.
I would get a cheap bed in the spare room as i would hate the living room to be permanently occupied but wouldn't want to kick my son out. What's the point in him paying rent to a landlord if he could live with me and save up? He can start contributing to bills though

If you don’t need to charge him rent, then insist he is putting a fee hundred into savings eg one of those regular saver high interest accounts

Based on your update I would give him 6 weeks notice to be off the sofa as you need it back, and tell him
after this you’d be happy for him to stay in the spare room. You can always get a cheap air bed mattress if he doesn’t want a real bed for some reason! And (if you need to) charge him token rent or a share of the bills

Take the opportunity to get the spare room sorted so it is a usable space for any guest, and then put him in it. Having someone stay on the sofa is completely overwhelming and gives you no space to relax. He can game in the bedroom.

Surely just say, you dont want him sleeping on the sofa anymore. He is welcome to stay in a month by month basis in the spare room until he sorts himself out. But not the sofa. And he needs to pay a small rent to help with the additional bills. Or move back out within the next week.

I'm wondering if he's hoping the 'message' will get back to his ex that he's 'having' to sleep on the sofa (wah wah wah)

From your previous threads it sounds like she was well and truly done with him, sensible woman, especially after he hassled her when she was on holiday. He needs to grow up and start behaving like the adult human being he is and that should start with very candid conversations about what you expect to happen in your home and a timeline for moving out. You're doing him no favours if you let this continue but I think it is part of a history of indulgence so who know if you will.

That's the way I feel, too.

what time is it now?

I cant believe you want to kick him out hes probably depressed

I think you’re being a bit unrealistic, they only broke up in December.

Get a bed for the spare room and insist he sleeps/games in there.

Do you have a good relationship with him?

When the dust settles a bit, you can calmly talk to him about his plans.