Son won't move out!

A sit down grown up conversation along the lines of:
"This has gone on longer than you or we expected. We need to have a more suitable plan going forward. You need to pay towards the household bills/ lodge (or whatever form of compensation they decide) and you need to move into the spare room as we would like our living space back so we can relax of an evening in our own home."

Then discuss where he is ie looking for a place and offer assistance looking.
It doesn't have to be mean but a mutually agreed plan needs to be set with expectations, as it seems the issue isn't him being there but the fact he's monopolising their living space.

I have grown children (17-25) two still at home, one with their own place (rented) both at home pay Lodge (not a lot as they are both saving for driving lessons, or to buy house) if the other needed to come back she can but it would not be in the livingroom she would have to squeeze into the study and pay in as well.

He won’t even sleep in the spare room so he’s taking up the lounge!! If your son wanted to sleep in the bathroom so nobody could use it without getting him up and out of it would that be fine because he’s your child and you will lovingly permit him to sleep wherever he wants?

There are times where people won't change their kids the going rate - or any rate - and that's up to them but the OP and her husband have made a rod for their own back here. He's been living there since Christmas on his terms and he's not paid a penny - how do they think that's going to change apart from throwing him out

But its still a way of forcing him to see the reality of his situation. Also if I were in their position I wouldn't want my livingroom took up by my son. Id rather have a better solution as he cannot sleep on the sofa indefinitely. This is just a way to make him move on

The OP doesn't want him there - which is up to her and obviously her husband. Rather than getting into a situation where he pays for his room it would probably be better if he started looking elsewhere

What they charge if he is staying is down to them. Personally I think someone paying 500 quid a month to live in a room is a lot of money even though that seems to be the going rate - sometimes with bills excluded and sometimes not

I pay less than 400 pounds for a one bedroom flat (I don't own).

The bigger issue is that the OP and her husband don't want him there long term so it's probably better if he moves on

Sort the spare room and lay down the law. Your home your rules. Then have noisy sex on the sofa and he’ll never want to sleep on it again! Job done. Or you and hubby start roaming around naked and getting jiggly! No bigger turn off for kids than knowing their old people are shagging!

It depends on your living conditions really- and how disruptive and expensive his presence is. I would certainly give him a couple of months, but by this stage start asking about his property search.

I think you need a two fold strategy.

1. If he's still there by end of week he moves to the spare room, you want your living space back.
2. He starts paying lodge average is around £300-500 area depending.

This is non-negotiable. He needs to make a decision move out or move to guest room.
Also lodge is non- negotiable

Time to have a proper chat, say sleeping on the sofa isn’t suitable now you’re over 2months in and you’d appreciate him buying himself a bed, be firm

Just buy a bed for your spare room & insist he sleeps in there. If you get on well & don't mind him being there just explain that he's welcome to stay but there are certain house rules he needs to follow. Also ask him to chip in for household outgoings & chores if he's not paying rent. December isn't very long & it'll take him a while to find his feet I'm guessing.

Eeew I wouldn't want my sofa to be a permanent bed. Is he trying to look all sad and pathetic to his ex, like that's going to win her over and she'll take him back out of pity?

Absolutely put your foot down about the sofa OP, and maybe a bit of tough love about acting like the adult he actually is.

@scottishgirl69

agreed. He might think he either lives with GF or with parents, but there are other options.

It's his mum who allowed him to move back in. He was living with a long term gf until Christmas. As I said previously if his mum wants him to leave surely she can have that conversation

@scottishgirl69

he is thirty years old. Why can’t he live with mates or in a houseshare?

Lots of people don't have homes of their own at 30 in this climate. He works full time. I'm not sure that translates into being a layabout. The OP can have a conversation with him telling him to pay rent. Move into the spare room or leave - why doesn't she?

@Sedaniram
@Brewtiful

well it’s a good job nursing homes do exist isn’t it?? Because at this rate it doesn’t sounds OP’s layabout son will have a house of her own to take her in will he…

@BebbanburgIsMine

for now…

at some point she WILL want to move out

@SkippydoodleI am the same as you. Especially in circumstances like this, he probably doesn't want to be on his own at this time.
Seems a bit callous to me.

Being soft...

Yeah I saw that thread at the time but the OP made it clear that him moving home was not an option so I wondered why she changed her mind

Post yesterday at 12:17 from PurpleVine at the bottom of p6 should give you more insight

How are you getting on @OneGreenPoster? You’ve come under fire a bit on this thread

I don't really like posts like this tbh. The suggestion that because of this the son should be looking for a nursing home when they get older. People should have the right to choose if they go into a home if they are still capable of living on their own. My gran lived in her own home till she died at 86 and my mum is almost 77 and the last thing I'm thinking of is her going into a home.

It would help if the OP actually said why her and husband don't want their son around

Said like that isn’t in fact the better option.

Exactly! Hope there are good nursing homes around...