Inappropriate comments from grandfather

Why would someone's father in law invite third parties to a wedding? It's surely up to the people getting married who they invite

Regardless of your history or the issue with the wedding and the paedophile neighbour, I don’t think it was an over reaction at all.
It’s inappropriate to speak of children in a sexualised way and contributes generally to dangerous behaviours.
In light of the issue with the neighbour and your father in law thinking it’s ok to still socialise with him, I’d be making sure my child was never alone with him.

I don't think you should worry about this

As a grandparent, I think it’s a total over reaction on your part based on your own specific childhood experiences, which is understandable.

I would assume that the grandfather is a normal loving grandparent who is v proud of his gorgeous granddaughter.

Unless you have further drip feeds…?

Absolutely see where you're coming from @Nolasmummy , and as
@Gazelda says, "girls shouldn’t be spoken about as though they were a commodity for men to admire"
I remember when my first daughter was born, and my (now ex) B-I-L said something along the lines of "you'll be punching men off the doorstep in 16 years or so" - I just thought wtf?! 🤔 🤷 neither the sexualisation nor the aggression sat well with me.
The grandfather should know better, and if he doesn't, well, you're never too old to learn, imho.

So, good enough to babysit for the weekend, but you find him abrasive and clearly dislike him. Okay

Not directly but inviting a known paedo despite the wishes of OP is disgraceful. God knows whether he has been invited over while DD is there.

He’s responsible for his reaction to OP’s reasonable request.

The grandfather surely isn't responsible for the actions of his neighbour

You totally overreacted imo!

I know he's apologised, but that was vile of your husband to call you a sour faced cow. I'd be bloody fuming at that alone.

I agree with you OP. I don't know how old the grandfather is, but I'm in my sixties and quite old fashioned and think he was inappropriate. He probably knows that and doesn't care because as you say he's abrasive.

Do the men in that family respect women?

I'm not sure why you left her with them in the first place tbh with existing bad history between you. It's a bit odd,especially considering the neighbour thing.

he was just joking, you’re over reacting.

Yes, this.

I agree with you, OP. And I’m sorry you went through that.

I find it old fashioned but not necessarily troubling unless there is more to it.

On edit - massive drip feed in second post!

I would try not to have much to do with them TBH.

In age of Epstein ...you are being told you overreacted about men joking about a 2 year old girl being friendly and that being link to dating?

Wow just wow...where do people feel the acceptance of women as just vessels to be used begins?

Edit : That was typed BEFORE I saw your extra information

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. Sexualised comments about a small child are completely unacceptable and I don’t accept that any adult in 2026 doesn’t know that. Coupled with the knowing association with a paedophile, this would be more than enough for me to want these people to stay far away from me and my children. Your instincts are just fine OP, you should trust them. And your DH needs some therapy, because his moral compass is warped by his horrible family.

Seriously? IMO, get your child away from them ASAP. Like you, I found the comments disturbing and now knowing that the invited a paedo, no. Get them away from your child.

After the update regarding the neighbour ,i would be having fuck all to do with them and they would not be seeing there granddaughter.

With a known history of childhood sexual abuse yanbu at all and your fil is absolutely being completely inappropriate to say that sort of thing to strangers about your dd.

He's sexualising a 20 month old baby fgs. The language used is foul. Doesn't matter if he's old fashioned, it's unacceptable.

Your in-laws have a history of dubious boundaries as evidenced by their reaction to you not wanting their neighbour at your wedding.

This is now a boundary to enforce for your daughter op. She needs protecting emotionally from this crap, even if not physically.

Too many posters dismissing and downplaying this.

It seemed all quite clumsy/ that DH was more at fault in his reaction to your response to FIL.

The wedding/pedophile neighbour update though is awful. I’d be questioning In-laws judgement and would supervise contact as much as possible. Regardless of your history (I’m sorry you experienced that ) anyone enabling/excusing or even giving CSA perpetrators the time of day let alone pushing for a wedding invite has their priorities completely wrong.

Sorry OP I' assumed it was your Father.
As it's your H's father it explains your H's defensive reaction to some extent.

I can see why you are upset. And given his history of being tone deaf to issues such as paedophilia i think you are right to be a bit unhappy with his attitude to children's safety and appropriate behaviour

I would go down the route of being present as much as possible when your H's parents interact with your child so you can step in if any other inappropriate comments are made.