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Original poster

Inappropriate comments from grandfather

108 replies

Nolasmummy · 21/02/2026 10:19

Trying to take the emotion and my own childhood experiences out of this one to report objectively.
grandparents have been babysitting 20 month old daughter for the weekend, they recounted via FaceTime they took her to the garden centre for lunch yesterday . She’s at that age where she’s really sociable and people watching and was friendly and waving to the male waiter. Grandfather repeatedly said “she loves the men” and said he told the waiter “you’re out of her league”. Husband laughed in response, I visibly cringed and got of the call quickly and jumped in the shower. When I came out my husband said I looked “troubled” and I said I was disturbed by the comments. I clarified that I didn’t think grandad was Pervy himself, but the comments were sexualised and made in public which I think is dangerous. I also didn’t like that my husband laughed at comments. Husband got offended on grandads behalf, said he was old fashioned and I was wrong to open the conversation about him being pervy or not, said he laughed out of awkwardness. An argument ensued, I did talk over him which I know I have a habit of, but he ended up calling me a “sour faced cow” and said I ruined the weekend. I shouted “would you protect our kids or be more worried about politeness”. He’s upset and offended. I’m reeling about my daughter being spoken about that way, and feel my husband is focusing on protecting the wrong person. He has agreed if it happened again he would talk to grandad and apologised for calling me a name (after I told him this was verbal abuse)

not sure what my question is, I’m really triggered by the whole thing. I guess would you drop it at this point?

OP posts:
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Berrybluessey · 24/02/2026 12:27

OP, listen to your gut.
I wouldn't have them minding my child.
I think your husbands nasty vicious and abusive reaction towards you challenging him is awful.

So many red flags.
So often women like you go on to have several children with mdn who were walking red flags.

FiL reaction is creepy, inappropriate and unbelievable regarding that former neighbour.

Your husband is a weak nasty man.
Protect your child and rethink your marriage carefully.

Oh, and MN is a site that protects and defend the worst of behaviour of men, and gives a good kicking to any woman with boundaries.

NovemberMorn · 24/02/2026 12:20

It's seems odd to me that more than 3/4 of people who voted thought the mum was being unreasonable.

If the posters who voted that way have baby girls, I wonder how far they would let comments go before they did feel they were inaproprite?

SerafinasGoose · 22/02/2026 17:39

TwistedWonder · 22/02/2026 11:47

100% - unfortunately the world is still full of penis pandering pick me women who will twist themselves into a pretzel to make excuses for appalling male behaviour.

It’s grim and shocking that in 2026 women are still so desperate to prioritise dick over everything else.

Show quote history

I'm with you. In addition, I find it utterly repugnant that some posters upthread have suggested OP's abuse history has made her oversensitive to this behaviour. How low is it possible to stoop?

Expressing concerns over comments sexualising an infant isn't to suggest covertly that FiL is a 'pervert' - despite the snide comment that this is what OP is trying to insinuate. This is a black-and-white issue. Oversexualising a young child is wrong from all manner of persectives,whatever angle of the equation you come from and whether you've been a victim of CSA or not. The fact that 'it's what people used to say' and 'EVERYONE jokes that "she'll be a heartbreaker"' doesn't make it any less stomach turning - however trite a cliche it might have become. This contributes to the sort of female socialisation we clearly see upthread: the accusation of dick pandering in the post quoted isn't at all misplaced.

The idea that women should curb our very reasonable instincts and to question ourselves before we question male behaviour starts precisely with attitudes like this. The treatment of OP on this thread - on a parenting support site no less - has been absolutely shameful.

TwistedWonder · 22/02/2026 12:03

How old is he OP? All the comments about him being old fashioned etc - well unless he’s in his 80’s upwards then his comments would have been considered inappropriate at any time after about the 1970’s

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/02/2026 12:01

I think it is disgusting to sexualise children on this way. Because that is what he was doing. I wouldn’t stand for it.

CesarSoubreyon · 22/02/2026 11:58

Old men making jokes like this and getting away with it is often a first step in grooming those around them. People will pass it off as 'old fashioned' or 'that's just their sense of humour' but some (not all) will push to see what they can get away with. They start innocuously then step it up.

The neighbour info adds to the concern imo.

TwistedWonder · 22/02/2026 11:47

Thisseasonsdiamante · 21/02/2026 18:27

I’m with you OP. Completely. I’m not remotely surprised by the lack of support you are getting on here. It doesn’t matter if we see Pelicots and Episteins until the cows come home. In a tale as old as time people will ignore and minimise subtle boundary breaking behaviour for all of time. Women line up to protect men in these situations and the predatory neighbour situation shows just how far women will go.

100% - unfortunately the world is still full of penis pandering pick me women who will twist themselves into a pretzel to make excuses for appalling male behaviour.

It’s grim and shocking that in 2026 women are still so desperate to prioritise dick over everything else.

TwistedWonder · 22/02/2026 11:42

Anyahyacinth · 21/02/2026 11:12

In age of Epstein ...you are being told you overreacted about men joking about a 2 year old girl being friendly and that being link to dating?

Wow just wow...where do people feel the acceptance of women as just vessels to be used begins?

Edit : That was typed BEFORE I saw your extra information

Edited

Completely agree I’m actually quite shocked at the comments telling her she’s over reacted.

Reading the update that he’s friends with the local paedo adds to the fact he’s a sleazy sexist creep and I’m not sure I’d want him anywhere near my DD

NovemberMorn · 22/02/2026 11:38

Foodylicious · 21/02/2026 20:48

I'm totally with you here OP.
I have boys not girls, but can't bear to hear all the 'oh she'll be a heartbreaker', 'she'll have the pick of the bunch when she's older' etc.
Its just unnecessary.
I had a friend who kept accusing my baby son of 'flirting' with her when he was looking at her smiling.
I'm pretty sure, she used the word/phrase differently in her head, but it made me uncomfortable and gave me the ick.

And with your further update re grandfather and the wedding guest, I can't imagine wanting to be around them at all.

I think if your OH has apologised, then move on. But be clear that you are not comfortable and won't tollerate this display/behaviour again.

I have sons, grandsons, and this kind of thing can happen to either sex.
We had friends once, we were visiting, our male friend had two other men friends round....all in their 50's and 60's. One of them said of my grandsons...who were around 12 and 14, 'Ahhh, fresh meat', We left, never went back.

My advice to the OP. trust your instincts.

Greenwitchart · 22/02/2026 09:06

I have already commented to say that I support you but please trust your instincts and continue to put the welfare of your daughter first.

illbetheresunorrain · 21/02/2026 22:27

already observed someone who appears on many people't threads and creates drama and argues with bitterness and rude words and that is not the OP

Member869894 · 21/02/2026 22:25

Total overreaction

illbetheresunorrain · 21/02/2026 22:24

which brings me to the memory that the age of consent in the past was 12 years in many countries so literally the old men were grooming the girls from babies. I find it totally sick and disgusting

Original poster
Nolasmummy · 21/02/2026 22:24

scottishgirl69 · 21/02/2026 22:16

If you don't want different opinions and only want people to agree with you - don't post a thread on a public forum. Talk about embarrassing. No wonder your husband called you out

It was aimed at you entirely. Many people have expressed they disagree with me, only you’ve done so in a way that’s so confrontational, claiming I’m manipulating the the situation or facts when I’m a perfect stranger to you . This is my family and nothing is more important to me than my children’s wellbeing. I wasn’t kept safe, so sometimes i probably overcompensate but I’ve no reason to be embarrassed. You’re wrong and you’re spiteful and you’d probably get along great with my FIL

OP posts:
illbetheresunorrain · 21/02/2026 22:23

and this is not the first time I have heard old men speaking like that or claiming their toddlers are already flirting or bla bla and that woman just has it in the genes.

illbetheresunorrain · 21/02/2026 22:22

I cannot imagine anyone but a person with the Epstein's mind to say that a baby girl loves the men

scottishgirl69 · 21/02/2026 22:16

If you don't want different opinions and only want people to agree with you - don't post a thread on a public forum. Talk about embarrassing. No wonder your husband called you out

scottishgirl69 · 21/02/2026 22:13

Nolasmummy · 21/02/2026 22:11

Thanks for the thoughtful and honest opinions (including those that disagree with my initial reaction). It’s been helpful to hear outside perspectives that not everyone sees this the way I do.

kindly go fuck yourself to the person repeatedly commenting making the snarky comments, you’re more wound up about a mum feeling protective/ overprotective of her baby girl than you should be.

Go fuck yourself right back if that was aimed at me. Hth!!

Original poster
Nolasmummy · 21/02/2026 22:11

Thanks for the thoughtful and honest opinions (including those that disagree with my initial reaction). It’s been helpful to hear outside perspectives that not everyone sees this the way I do.

kindly go fuck yourself to the person repeatedly commenting making the snarky comments, you’re more wound up about a mum feeling protective/ overprotective of her baby girl than you should be.

OP posts:
Bearsdolovetrees · 21/02/2026 21:58

Fucking hell. Listen to your instincts and don’t let this man anyone near your children. That’s appalling.

Original poster
Nolasmummy · 21/02/2026 21:55

scottishgirl69 · 21/02/2026 20:01

Seriously it is the same old on here. Someone posts - they get some push back and then they start drip feeding more stuff to make the person they are criticising look like a villain - I am sorry but you don't have the right to call that man a child abuser - because that's what you are clearly hinting at

Show quote history

I said in my original post I had some history that I thought might be skewing my view. I then responded to give clarifications/ context when asked or someone had the wrong impression e.g thinking the grandad was my father.

the wedding was roughly 8 years ago. We invited neighbours at in-laws request, the husband was later charged. Weeks of arguments ensued because I wanted them invited but in-laws disagreed. I had no means to contact the couple so eventually said either they speak to them or I’ll go round and won’t be diplomatic.
Nothing has happened in the intervening years that would make me think grandad was unsafe but today’s comments brought back his actions 8 years ago. He is someone who says whatever he wants, there’s no world I can imagine having a mature conversation about this. It’s either arguments, awkwardness that bothers me more than him or let it go.
I’m upset he said weird things about my baby. I’m further upset my husband called me a horrible name for being upset. The whole thing is actually triggering past trauma which is my hang up but not something I’d relishing stirring up for anonymous validation on the internet in the way you seem to be suggesting.

OP posts:
saraclara · 21/02/2026 20:56

mondaytosunday · 21/02/2026 12:28

It’s like saying ‘he’s/she’s going to break some hearts’ though isn’t it? People say this sort of thing all the time.
It’s triggered you because of your past.

I agree with this. It's old fashioned banter which is pretty meaningless. I'm not a fan of it, but back in the day no-one would have given it a thought. I certainly wouldn't see it as pervy.

I can see why your history made you react, but don't let people on here encourage you to continue to overreact or reduce contact.

Your DH's words were grim though.

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 21/02/2026 20:50

Thisseasonsdiamante · 21/02/2026 18:27

I’m with you OP. Completely. I’m not remotely surprised by the lack of support you are getting on here. It doesn’t matter if we see Pelicots and Episteins until the cows come home. In a tale as old as time people will ignore and minimise subtle boundary breaking behaviour for all of time. Women line up to protect men in these situations and the predatory neighbour situation shows just how far women will go.

Well said!

OP, stand your ground. You are absolutely right to be angry. I would talk again to your DH.

Foodylicious · 21/02/2026 20:48

I'm totally with you here OP.
I have boys not girls, but can't bear to hear all the 'oh she'll be a heartbreaker', 'she'll have the pick of the bunch when she's older' etc.
Its just unnecessary.
I had a friend who kept accusing my baby son of 'flirting' with her when he was looking at her smiling.
I'm pretty sure, she used the word/phrase differently in her head, but it made me uncomfortable and gave me the ick.

And with your further update re grandfather and the wedding guest, I can't imagine wanting to be around them at all.

I think if your OH has apologised, then move on. But be clear that you are not comfortable and won't tollerate this display/behaviour again.

scottishgirl69 · 21/02/2026 20:39

Thisseasonsdiamante · 21/02/2026 20:38

Read the full thread.

Show quote history

I have. Hth

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