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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be at my wit's end with DS?

108 replies

WithTwoGiantBoys · 21/02/2026 10:12

DS17 is driving me nuts. In year 12 and simply has no work ethic at all when it comes to his school work. He is doing ok in a practical BTEC and a practical A Level but is failing his maths A Level. We got a tutor to help him, school is doing lots to support him, but it just isn't his priority and he just doesn't seem to care. All he cares about are his mates, his girlfriend, the gym, and his part time job (which only matters to fund his lifestyle).

AIBU to expect him to put in some effort? It's half term and he has done nothing but enjoy himself. I have pointed out repeatedly that we won't be funding his lifestyle after school if he doesn't have a job or a course of study. He just nods along then does nothing. I can't force him to do anything, so I just end up frustrated. I love him, he's a great lad, but if I hear "It's not that deep" one more time I might explode.

YABU: it's his life, you can't make him do anything, he just has to find out for himself and you support him best you can but have to just let it go

YANBU: You are right to be angry and just haven't found the right tactic yet to make him study. (Please tell.me what this is as I'm out of ideas)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2026 18:16

I would let him drop the maths and he can deal with the consequences.

90sTrifle · 21/02/2026 18:11

WithTwoGiantBoys · 21/02/2026 13:40

I think that's part of the problem, I've previously been really supportive of him prioritising doing exercise (he's out all day today on his bike) and encouraged him to get the job and do actually think it is getting him valuable skills and experience.

He probably finds it hard that suddenly I'm pointing out a different priority but he is older now and needs to focus a bit more. He is only doing maths because it was one of the few things he qualified for at sixth form. He isn't enjoying it at all and I don't expect stellar grades but with just a little bit of consistent effort he could get a D or even scrape a C and that would be great for him in keeping options open. We can't all absolutely love everything we do!

Maths is one of those things you cannot throw time at at the end, it isn't really crammable so you just need to practice - not really asking him to do a lot, half an hour of practice a few days a week is what I told him he needs to do, which shouldn't be that hard to fit in. Exams are approximately 14 months away, he hasn't got his head around the first 6 months of the simplest work. It'll go fast!

If I turned the WiFi off on the rare occasion he is in the house he would just go out again.

Show quote history

My DS had to get a 9 at GCSE to be able to take it A-Level. I think having a natural flare and general like of Maths helps.

If your DS doesn’t like it, could he drop it or just do it as an AS. Are AS’s an option at his sixth form? A friend of mine has managed to get History dropped, it just wasn’t working for her son and he got straight 9s in his GCSEs. She did have to fight for this though.

Original poster
WithTwoGiantBoys · 21/02/2026 13:40

AlphabetBird · 21/02/2026 10:24

He sounds pretty normal - there is still 18 months of 6th form left, so pressure cooker tactics now are not sustainable.

Has he done his homework? That’s enough for now.

Part time job and exercise sound fine to me.

I think that's part of the problem, I've previously been really supportive of him prioritising doing exercise (he's out all day today on his bike) and encouraged him to get the job and do actually think it is getting him valuable skills and experience.

He probably finds it hard that suddenly I'm pointing out a different priority but he is older now and needs to focus a bit more. He is only doing maths because it was one of the few things he qualified for at sixth form. He isn't enjoying it at all and I don't expect stellar grades but with just a little bit of consistent effort he could get a D or even scrape a C and that would be great for him in keeping options open. We can't all absolutely love everything we do!

Maths is one of those things you cannot throw time at at the end, it isn't really crammable so you just need to practice - not really asking him to do a lot, half an hour of practice a few days a week is what I told him he needs to do, which shouldn't be that hard to fit in. Exams are approximately 14 months away, he hasn't got his head around the first 6 months of the simplest work. It'll go fast!

If I turned the WiFi off on the rare occasion he is in the house he would just go out again.

OP posts:
Pancakesbythedozen · 21/02/2026 11:07

Would he be more productive without WiFi?

Holdonforsummer · 21/02/2026 11:07

My son was similar at sixth form and at some point I realised I just had to let him take the reins - whatever that meant. It’s actually quite powerful to tell him that it’s all up to him now. He might sink or swim but only he can control that.

Skybluepinky · 21/02/2026 11:03

Sounds like maths isn’t his thing, no matter how much you push it’ll make no difference. Hopefully he can do something with the other qualifications he has.

AlphabetBird · 21/02/2026 10:24

He sounds pretty normal - there is still 18 months of 6th form left, so pressure cooker tactics now are not sustainable.

Has he done his homework? That’s enough for now.

Part time job and exercise sound fine to me.

BlueMoonBlueCheese · 21/02/2026 10:21

It's not that deep.

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