To be at my wit's end with DS?

Does he want to do a maths A level? Can he just focus on the BTEC?

If he's got this far surely he and you must understand its up to him....motivation, applying himself, prioritising they are all his problem. Not yours, back off however much it frustrates you.

I agree with others that it's the maths that is the problem, especially as he's doing well at the more practical subjects, working hard at his job etc.

Can you have a chat with him about that subject specifically and how he is finding it. It may be that the conceptual jump is just too much and he's really hating it. If he's really struggling, being honest about that now and finding an alternative is better than trying to force him to study something that he really dislikes and finds really hard.

I think sometimes you just need to have a complete break in the holidays, especially if you’re not loving what you’re doing.

Tbf maths A level should come with a warning. My eldest DS was brilliant at maths from day one. Excelled at it and loved it. Took it at A level and it’s a whole different subject virtually. Completely knocked his confidence doing his A levels in general. Was also during Covid which didn’t help. Ended up dropping to Maths AS Level and only just scraped that. There’s only so much you can do with their attitude and effort though. For me it’s frustrating because I was the same and didn’t have much motivation because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do and ended up drifting along for a good while even though I was very clever. I now have my youngest DS doing A levels and it’s a similar story 🤦🏻‍♀️ both at a Grammar school as well so I get grief off of the teachers too. Youngest DS never found it all as easy as eldest so has always naturally had to put more effort in so thankfully he is predicted pretty good grades now. I just offer to help, try and be stern and talk about the consequences. Point out how much difference it could make just putting in some effort for a few months… but that’s all you can really do imo. Good luck.

Possibly what you don’t want to hear but a son who has a part time job, a relationship and is out of the house regularly exercising is doing pretty well. I have an MA and a BA (Hons) . I totally stuffed up my A levels however and didn’t go to University until I was 21. He has time. Being socially connected and knowing the value of work are vital life skills. Sorry , but you did ask!

Fair enough.

Depends on what subjects you did I guess and what career pathway you chose. If those who worked hard at school and got good grades are struggling to find work, it'll be harder for those without those qualifications.

Yes you’re being unseasonable

Completely understand that but sometimes parents push the child when they just aren't happy doing academics. They'd maybe thrive more doing an apprenticeship or something like that to gain qualifications

But on average people those who do better academically earn more. It won't hurt. There will always be exceptions.

https://www.cambridgeassessment.org.uk/our-research/data-bytes/the-economic-returns-of-a-level-grades/

Unfortuately you have to let them make their own mistakes said by the mother of 2 DS's aged 19 and 22

What’s his end goal after college?

Lots of teenagers don’t have the same motivation their parents do.

Glad I went to school in the days when parents just let you get on with life. I would have hated to be told I had to work by my parents - I made that choice myself, and only asked their advice if I felt it might help me. Not sure nagging really works anyway. May ask if he needs any help but really his teachers should be guiding him. In the end, it is HIS life.

DS is now in year 13 and had (still has to a certain extent) a similar work ethic. It's tough because there was so much made of GCSEs that I think many think they're done and relax a bit.

There is still time to turn things around - he is very early on in his a levels. But to be honest I've tried the nagging and at 17 he just says OK to whatever I suggest and then does what he was intending to do anyway. So I now mainly leave him to it!

Keep trying but I do remember a teacher laughing and saying to me ‘you’re so enthusiastic about what he could do but you can’t do it for him’ and it was true. Remember those things you list are the important things to him and it’s good he has them, the job, the girlfriend, the friends. As mum to a son who had mh problems honestly happiness and health is the most important thing (still don’t give up but take the goit off the pedal a little!)

The step up from gcse to a level in maths CAN be hard- some get it, others don’t- however hard they try.
What’s his goal? Wha5 does he want to do after school/ college? Wha5 does that require? Shift his focus to that.

Maths A level isn't that hard is a silly comment to make. Some people will find it not that hard others will find it a bit difficult and some will find it impossible.

It's also not strictly true that those that don't work hard at school are in a minimum wage job forever. I got good A levels and a degree and I am earning significantly less than some people who got bare minimum passes at GCSE and went to college to learn a trade for example.

Good school grades keep your options open but are no the be all and end all. Just ask the many graduates who can't find employment or are under employed.

Op in a similar position. DC had Jan mocks which shook him up and he has decided he wants to go uni so working harder. Not sure it will be enough but hoping. I think he realized there is a v real risk of being stuck at home with limited prospects without decent A level results. Has yours got a goal?

But this isn't true. There are many people working for more than minimum wage who didn't do well academically. Sometimes pushing too hard has the absolute opposite effect that you're after. OP tell him that you'll stop bothering him about it but that it's now all down to him. Sink or swim. Once he feels in control he may just step up to the plate

I didn’t do any work in any of my school holidays… and I went to a very high performing grammar!
You’re only young once and you never get those holidays again.
If he’s done his homework, leave him be.

What does he want to do after college?
Does he need maths for it?

If not, I'd honestly be inclined to let it go. He obviously got a decent GCSE if he's been able to take it for A-level.

Otherwise it sounds like he's good at forming relationships, applies himself well to the more practical stuff and has enough self-discipline to be committing to regular gym sessions and his part-time job (and what 16/17 year old doesn't like the fact that pays for the fun stuff).

Really I think you're overreacting a bit.

YANBU at all OP. I commend you for not taking the apathy approach of "just let him do what he likes". He needs to knuckle down and study. Year 12 & Year 13 are important for life. It's not the be all and end all, but working hard at A-levels.

Maths A-level isn't all that hard. My eldest has an A* in it (with and A in further) all it requires is knuckling down and hard work. What are his plans for after sixth form? He needs to work hard he wants to go to university or even do any kind of practical training course. School grades do matter.

I would always say to my kids that if they didn't work hard at school, if they'd be happy working NMW forever.

Maths isn't really an A level that you should do just because. Sounds like he is doing well at the more practical subjects. Not that it helps OP but this is one of the reasons I despair when parents think the only option post 16 is sixth form. Sounds like he would have been more suited to college or an apprenticeship.

Anyway in order to help OP what does he actually want to do post sixth form as this would determine the best route I think. Will they let him drop maths if he wanted to? To be honest unless he needs maths A level for his next step work experience is probably far more useful than a D at maths A level anyway.