What to do

I’d have the same view if asked in person. If people don’t want to have honest opinions, no point in asking.

Mumsnet pile on!

You stalked him all night so know where he was. Children are frequently ill and, as parents, that has a knock on effect for your energy levels. He had never intended to be home and if you hadn’t stayed up longer because you didn’t trust him, you probably wouldn’t be as tired as you are now.

Controlling relationships never work out.

I don’t think that’s particularly funny. Sounds horrific.

More likely there has been ‘small’ and consistent incidents that make her feel disrespected and unappreciated that have been repeatedly brushed under the rug in face of coping with small children.

Good point.

She probably got onto the wives/partners of the other 4 to check up on them too.

There will probably be be some big drip feed .. he has cheated on me many times…. 🙄🤣

Yabu... he was never coming home anyway so you would have always had the kids alone.

I'm not sure what you problem is and I'm not saying that just to "be cool" I really wouldn't have a problem with what he has done

Also, if I had a night out planned that I was looking forwards to and was all arranged, I wouldn't cancel due to being tired, I'd personally power through.

It does seem you are trying to punish him and control him with the whole "he took it to far"...took what too far?

I'd only cancel tonight of lo was too poorly to leave with someone else

There must be more going on in the relationship for this incident to have riled you this much, made you question his fidelity and cancel a night out for the two of you.

So what has built to this?

I'm glad to see I didn't miss something. I re-read the post 3 times wondering what the problem was.

Yes I can’t work out how she’d be less tired if he had went straight back to his sisters. It does feel like controlling behaviour and now she wants to punish him for it,

You agreed for him to go out with friends and stay at his sisters….. Then you tracked where he was and called him to check up and have a go at him. Now you are mad at him for a reason I can’t quite fathom.

Next time he asks to go out you should say no, because clearly you don’t trust him and resent him for having a big night out.

But how would she even know what 4 other men did?
It is coming across as controlling, I’d be livid if dh questioned me after ‘tracking my location’ when I was on a night out, he either trusts me or he doesn’t.
As it stands we don’t have any tracking on our phones and plan on keeping it that way, I think it breeds suspicion.

It does sound as though she has the arse that the other 4 men stuck to their plans.

Alarm bells shouldn’t have sounded because he went somewhere else. And the fact that she is going to “punish” him by cancelling tonight speaks volumes.

Exactly. Seems a bit like a flounce to punish him for going out.

'Worriers worrying' often goes hand in hand with 'controllers controlling'.

If someone is a natural worrier, that's for them to learn to cope with. It's not an excuse to start tracking someone's phone.

A grown man deciding to go back to a friend's house after a night out, does not 'immediately sound alarm bells' to most people.

He was hardly going to ring the OP, wake her up and ask for permission to change his plans.

I’m not sure he gave a time ro be at his sisters, he’s not a kid with a curfew.

I think you may have had different expectations of what his Friday night out might have been like. Sounds like you were assuming he was going out for a few drinks then home and in bed. If he doesn't go out often then maybe once he bumped into these other people who then invited him to the house party he thought why not.
He was never going to be at yours this morning to help so not too sure what the issue is.
If you had thought it would be too much having the kids alone the night before you were both planning on going out together then you should have perhaps discussed him rearranging his dad's night out once they decided to do it.

But he was meant to be somewhere and he wasn't there which immediately sounds alarm bells. Just in terms of where is he? Why did plans change? Is his sister waiting for him? Is he in some sort of trouble?

Some people don't worry, a grown man out somewhere in the early hours, what could happen? But things do happen and worriers worry.

I think have a nap when he gets back are you sure you’re not actually just trying to punish him

all the tracking and calling him does make me wonder.

He was never coming home...

If I woke up and my husband wasn't home I'd check life360 to make sure he wasn't drunk in a ditch somewhere. It's not controlling to check up on someone.

I don't think the tracking is controlling. Just checking.

Just checking what?

Where he is because she doesn't trust him?

That IS controlling and it's what's led to the OP sulking and wanting to cancel.

Surely he will home soon and you can have a nap then? Then still go ahead with your night out. Unless baby is too sick to be babysat of course. I'd cancel if that were the case.

I don't think the tracking is controlling. Just checking. But I think you have wound yourself up by doing so. He didn't actually do anything wrong. Don't let that ruin your night. Today is absolutely salvageable.

He went on a pre-planned night out, where he wasn't ever coming home during the night anyway. You posted at 9am that he was still at his sisters. What's the problem exactly?

You were always going to be on your own? Why are you annoyed that he had a good night out?

Also, stop stalking him. That's insane and not a but healthy. If my DH told me he was tracking my phone on a pre-planned night out with my friends... it'd be the last time he called me his wife.

When he gets home, have a sleep, have a shower and go out? The plan hasn't changed... why would you cancel?