What to do

I don’t really care what you think, I’m going to say what I want to say and that’s it. Don’t engage it the ‘pointless exercise’ of telling me otherwise.

No. I’ll reply to nasty comments how I ‘see fit’. Thanks. You don’t it, take your own advice and scroll on.

How often does he do this? Is this the only reason you are tracking him to check what time he got in?

I think looking up where he is then phoning him and asking him is a bit controlling sorry. I’d be freaked out if my partner did that to me. Nights out don’t often go exactly as planned , often people go back to different houses for drinks . Do you have to know where he is all the time ?

So in your opinion , op is also selfish as she is leaving lo with their aunt so she and partner can go out tonight?

But why are you tracking him?

But she knew he was going out, and not coming home until the next day. It was pre-planned.

Surely they time to get annoyed is before he leaves if it was annoyance at being left alone with the kids?

What the hell is all this checking about? Either he is out or at home. If your partner is out you trust them. If you don't then separate. Rarely does anyone go missing, publicity feeds insecurity, that is the nature of it.

If you really want to go out tonight go to bed for a while to sleep when he gets in. You will regret not going out in future, but if it's not possible for you to go say so when you get up.

Do not argue or guilt trip your relationship, it is more important than that.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. I’d be beyond annoyed if I was left alone with two kids, especially a sick one, while he stayed out drinking at a random house. Just cancel the gig and get the sleep you actually need.

That was my exact thoughts. If baby is poorly and you’re angry with your DH for leaving you to deal with it alone, then why are you going out the next evening anyway and not cancelling because your baby is sick 🤷‍♀️

I appreciate that you're cross that he wasn't where he said he would be but it sounds as though the plan was that he'd stay out overnight anyway.
The fact that he was still at his sister's at 9am - was he supposed to be home by then?
Why can't you just have a sleep when he gets home, let him deal with the children, and then both go out later?

Only you know if you can trust where he was or not. Has he given you reason to distrust him?

To be honest he is a adult, you knew he was going out and staying out overnight, so does it really matter what time he actually got in and where he went (that only applies if you trust him completely though). As long as he doesn’t do it every weekend then I wouldn’t have an issue.

That being said I would have an issue him going out whilst our baby was poorly. If it were my DH he would have cancelled to stay home and support me with the kids. Just a bit of common decency really.

equally I also wouldn’t expect my sister or anyone to babysit my kids when they were poorly, so yeah I would be cancelling if it were me, but that would be the only reason to cancel.

In all honesty, I think going to the gig and continuing with the babysitting plan would be more restful - you'd get a full night's sleep and a lie in.

In terms of your DH plans, it sounds like the only change was he was somewhere random at 2am, so whether you trust him or not is down to you and him and past behaviours.

Then they are both selfish as they fully planned to go out tonight snd the op is onky thinking of cancelling as she’s knackered, nothing about the baby.

I don’t see the issue really. I mean, he was meant to be staying at his sisters anyway so it’s not like you would have been expecting him to be home and helping you through the night. So you would have been knackered either way. Seems like you’ve tired yourself out even more by expending far too much energy tracking his movements.
Does this happen a lot that he is out socialising and you are home with the babies? I suppose if one baby is ill he could have begged off to help care for them, but for an isolated night out I’m not sure he should have cancelled. If it’s happening all the time and you get no time to yourself then that’s a different story.
You could cancel tonight but do it on the basis that you are knackered because baby is sick, not because he had a night out.
Also, why are you wary of annoying OH and his sister? That rang slight alarm bells for me. It’s fine to beg off a night out because you have a sick baby. But all that will mean is he’ll get another night out and you’ll be home and kids will be with you instead of with your sil……so a bit of a lose lose for you.

A 3 year old shouldn't really have access to an ipad but then I can see why you've had to resort to this, selfish of your husband to go out when his children are sick. Mine would have cancelled a night out to be home if our child was ill!

Ok but no one is going to do what you say, it’s a pointless exercise.

Because we are all adults and can comment how we see fit. If you don't like it, report it or scroll on. You'll be a long time here if you try to.moderate every comment on Mumsnet that you don't agree with.

Nor can you dictate how I respond. My first post on here was addressed to OP only. Every other response has been to reply to someone who quoted me. So take your own advice.

I’m waiting for the part where someone can explain why eye rolling and laughing emojis are appropriate or justifiable. This is a woman who has been up all night with an unwell 6 month old baby. As soon as you have a clear answer as to why eye rolling and laughing are appropriate, let me know.

Ok it’s a public forum and people can respond, as long as within guidelines, if you don’t think a post is within guidelines you can report it, what you can’t do is come on dictate how other posters respond.

Yeah bur she could be struggling with simply the fact he went out as she doesn’t like it as she’s controlling. No one knows. All we know is what she wrote. And there is no way round the fact it reads like she wants to punish him.

Whether she is unhappy in her relationship or not, tired out of her mind from having a 6 month old baby and a toddler or not, or whether her husband supports her or not still doesn’t warrant eyerolling and laughing and it never will.

Nope. You’re using two separate and unrelated examples. I said it’s ‘likely’ she was feeling unappreciated. That she is struggling is a fact, because she is posting here with a struggle.