Just blew up at DP

Is this in the context of a happy marriage @ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ?

OP YANBU!!! My DH does this and in fact last weekend he did similar- we were watching a film (one of the MCU movies, Infinity War I think) neither of us had seen it, it's ridiculously long, the film had already been paused for him to get a drink, have a wee, get up to get his laptop......we entered the final 45 minutes of basically pure battle scene and half way through it was really tense and the emotions were all building and he just started being super loud and annoying and I mildly snapped at him to and asked him to stop being so loud!!!

Like I get the film is long, and you might not be enjoying it, but I am so don't bloody ruin it for me!!!!

Makes me cross just reading that

I see the dilemma. I had the problem of needing quiet (I'm a writer) and getting sick of being interrupted every two seconds to 'look at this!' (I was writing on the laptop, he was sitting on his computer). I had asked not to be interrupted but - well, apparently YouTube was just fascinating. And it did make the point when I had to rip my headphones off with extreme annoyance to say "What?!?"

Sometimes it's necessary to have some peace and quiet. Using headphones all the time to block out your partner is, I agree, not on. But it doesn't sound as though OP does it continually, and I had a deadline, and it worked for me!

If he spoke to her like that because she was rude and thoughtless enough to be droning about crap while he was trying to watch the final few minutes of something he loved and was completely engrossed in, I would be very on much on his side.

It might have been more effective, and I suppose would have been "nicer", if you'd said something like "please hold on five minutes - I really want to watch this bit of my programme". But (1) he must have been able to SEE that you were paying attention to the TV/engrossed, and that you didn't just have it on as background noise and (2) even with the way you said it, it was clear that you needed him to be quiet for a few minutes, and he deliberately overrode you and continued even though what he was saying was neither urgent nor conversation. What you did "wrong" would never have happened if he had not done (1), and his doing (2) did much more damage than what you did. It's unreasonable for him to ask/expect an apology without his apologising first.

Also, your comment "Hopefully he’s not in a grudge fest tomorrow" and the fact that he went to bed "steaming", plus your follow-ups that he expected an apology from you and that he's still on about it the next day (as you worried he might be) make me think he likely has form for punishing you when you do or say something he doesn't like without acknowledging the role his actions played in causing the issue in the first place. Be careful of that; I'm not saying it's true in this case but if this is a habit of his it can be an early red flag for aspects of coercive control.

Yes imagine if a man spoke to a woman like this there would be riots in the streets

I think if you really spoke to him the way you said you did, then I think YABU. He’s annoying and should have read the room but if my DW spoke to me the way you said you’d spoke to him I’d probably cry lol.

When my DW is being boring and annoying I humour her. She does it when I’m reading, and I have to say let me just finish my chapter, but then I’ll listen. I’ve deffo done it to her when she’s been mid email and I’m chatting away and I realise oh I think I’ve bored her lol, but if she told me I was being boring and that she didn’t care and shouted at me I’d be equal parts livid/crybaby

Smothering or you wouldn't need a hand to dig a hole!!

Just let it be a warning to young courting couples now mutually spellbound, who hang onto each precious word of their one true love...

There'll come a time, not far down the track, when you'll want the annoying shit to SHUT THE FUCK UP when you're trying to watch telly.

But then what starts happening is, they get annoyed by having to wave a hand in front of your face to do something as basic as communicate with their OH, and you get annoyed at them disturbing you by waving a hand in front of your face because you've become an incommunicative slave to your device screen.

Go on, guess which side of this divide I sit on.

I can’t imagine having a spouse who is so rude and thoughtless that they just talk over something their wife is really engrossed in, about something unimportant and non-urgent that she has no interest in.

Does OP .. DH butt in at work meetings with meaningless chatters
Does OP s DH go to the cinema and talk throughout the film
So why is it acceptable for DH to chat shit when OP oe absorbed in a tv show

Watching a really good film, all of a sudden the footballs on!.
Get up and go to the toilet, return to find the football on!.
Go into the kitchen, to make a brew, I can suddenly hear football commentary!.
About to find out “who done it” and he’s just checking the football score!.
Story of my life for the last 47 years, buy’s a TV to watch football in the bedroom (guess who’s relegated there to watch my programme/ film?).
But, since I retired, I’ve put my foot down and his bloody football, can either wait or he can watch the other TV.

Not at all, but I’d be seriously pissed off if my husband spoke to me the way the OP says she spoke to her husband, because I had the audacity to speak to him when he was absorbed in a TV programme. We both do this on occasion, but we don’t speak to each other like shit.

OP, I’m with you
on this. My DP seems to think I am interested in the most boring shite he wants to talk about when I’m in the middle of a really exciting part of a TV programme or during the key question in a quiz.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN! READ THE FRICKING ROOM!!! I’M NOT INTERESTED IN SOME BORNG TWADDLE YOU CARE ABOUT!!!!

Ooh that feels better getting that off my chest!

I don’t know what to say, OP, except you are not alone in this.

It is not a TV programme vs a husband.

It is a TV programme with a tense ending vs internet news on gold reserves.

Why is the information about gold reserves (his interest) more important than the TV programme (her interest)?

He didn't want to talk about his feelings, their relationship, his health, or anything that might, quite rightly, be more important or pressing than a TV show.

He could easily have waited 5 minutes to talk about the thing he had just read on gold reserves. His refusal to do so spoiled her enjoyment of a TV programme and that was rude and uncaring.

Do people actually live like this? Depressing

My ex husband used to do this....well, not exactly this, but when my daughter was a baby, he'd be nowhere to be found whilst she was playing up merry hell while I was trying to get her down for a nap or to bed, and then when I came downstairs to embrace five minutes silence he'd be there talking at me all about his day!

This was COVID when he was working from home, so he couldn't possibly help me, but he could spend the proceeding ten minutes talking at me while I was the most overwhelmed!

I contemplated murdering my husband for something vaguely similar. Several years ago and still not forgotten. I was watching The Railway Children with my daughter; I'd seen it dozens of times but was second time my daughter had watched it and she was totally invested. Near the end my husband walked in stared at the scene in the station and and said in a silly voice "Daddy, my Daddy" and ruined the moment. Still think I was incredibly restrained, but he couldn't see what he'd done wrong. 😡

But surely that works both ways? If I was watching TV and my DH came into the room to talk to me, my immediate reaction would be to give HIM the attention and not the TV because he is more important and what he is saying is more important than a TV show. So surely that is being respectful to him.

When your partner talks to you and you say 'I don't care' Really?

So many times on here someone will say that they were talking to their partner while they were gaming and were being ignored. The consensus would be that he should stop gaming and give her attention and listen to what she is trying to say. He would be absolutely ripped to pieces on here for ignoring her and telling her 'not now and that he didn't care'

So yes, its about respect, but like I say, it does work both ways.

But I accept that maybe he should have 'read the room' and left what he was saying until later. But to be honest I would be a little pissed off if I was trying to tell my DH something and he said 'not now, and I don't care'.

Mine does this. I can't focus out when he speaks as he has such a loud bloody voice that it drowns out the TV. Had to go to my bedroom last night to watch my programme as he was at the other end of the lounge diner on the phone to a friend and was SO LOUD. No matter how much we all tell him he is still loud.

we are married to the same man OP. I feel your pain