I'm done.. or did I overreact?

Oh I was just feeling really sad for you OP reading this thread, so I was pleased to read your update. I'm sure it will be hard work but also much better in the long run.

I don't think a vegetarian not wanting to eat chicken on her birthday is controlling or wanting your own way. He just sounds shit and selfish.

Good luck! 🤞

Well done for making a difficult decision which is ultimately for the best.

Life is too short and precious to waste time with dickheads like your ex. You deserve better.

Well done op. He sounds awful and like he didn't care about you. I hope you are making plans for the best birthday next year. You should be very proud to have taken such a tough decision. I think you'll soon realise it was definitely right.

Agree that's awful and you deserve more. He just doesn't care. I'm sorry. Do you ever see the adage online "if he wanted to, he would"?

Men really aren't as stupid as some people like to pretend, there perfectly capable of making an effort when they want to. They plan stag dos, holidays with friends and pub crawls. They can plan ahead to book strippers and venues. They can coordinate calendars with their friends when they want to.

I don't want to make you feel worse but I was vegan for 10 years and my partner would always look up local veggie places when we went away for my birthday or our anniversary.

Why didn't you say something like 'As it's my birthday, can we leave the Nando's for another time and have something we all like?'

I remarried on my 44th birthday
.. This dh always puts my feelings first.

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't give a fuck about you?

When you're back home check online to see what benefits you'd be entitled to, it may be easier to leave than you think.

Oh OP, this is worse than you made it sound in your first post. Ordering separate takeaways is thoughtless and not special for you, but at least you’d have been eating together as a family. The fact you felt as though you had to go and sit in Nandos despite not wanting to eat there yourself is just horrid. He doesn’t like or respect you. I wish you’d been firmer with him and said that wasn’t where you wanted to go on your birthday. But I absolutely understand that sometimes the disappointment and disbelief take over and you just can’t. I’m sorry this was your birthday.

I think it's indicative of how he feels about you. However, once you went with it, could you not have had something from the vegi menu, so you were eating with them? If your DS is being exposed to these dramatics, it's best that you split.

Happy birthday @Torn0 it’s ok to be done. It’s not the first birthday you’ve been together and unless you have form for being inconsiderate and a general arsehole then it’s ok to draw your line in the sand. Life is short. You deserve more.

I mean, the mini break is a nice gift objectively - presuming it's somewhere you like going to? Not saying that this makes him ok, if he is an arse in other ways.

The food thing is weird - unless you usually eat separate stuff, it's normal even on an ordinary day to discuss and decide what to eat as a couple/family. (In fact I have often felt that 90% of cohabiting life involves discussing what to have for dinner!). . I assume he ordered it as a takeaway? Was he trying to suggest you should all get a takeaway of your choice, and he would pay?

Anyway, the meal really is neither here nor there - if you wereadly in love with him it wouldn't be a major issue I am sure - but it sounds like there is a lot wrong in the relationship.

From my own experience I would urge you NOT to stay just because of finances/your child. I left my husband when my child was 5 due to his repeated infidelity, and she has a good life, and excellent relationships with both of us. (Our co-parenting relationship is a strong one, something we both worked hard at and arevery proud of).

And yes I am much poorer than I would have been if I stayed - but money isn't everything. As long as you can get by and won't end up homeless and destitute, I would say your freedom - not being stuck in a marriage with a guy who makes you miserable - is worth the lifestyle hit, many times over.....

Anyway, there is no rush. You can think it through, make plans. But please don't feel you are stuck with this man forever. In some ways, if you can just promise yourself that there WILL be a way out eventually, that can really help you to cope......

overreacting. Maybe he thought you’d have something else with you being a vegetarian

What a tosser 😳 his reply should have been 'What would you like darling, it's your birthday!' or even better 'Put your feet up and have a glass of wine, I've cooked your favourite dinner/ordered your favourite takeaway!' Sorry OP but with his complete lack of consideration, I'd be done too. Sometimes it's not the big things but the small things that are the final straw 😔

He was an absolute dick.

I am veggie too. I think I’d have gone for one of their veggie options just to avoid cooking today, and then started to make plans to ensure I wasn’t in the same situation next year.

And you have to share it with a nando eating hubby I presume?! Boo! :-)

ps - happy birthday for yesterday

Just asked my very insightful and articulate husband and his response was ‘that’s shit that!’

jokes aside, on a normal day, it’s pretty poor form. On your birthday it’s just shitty and selfish. It sounds like the straw that broke the camels back.

Irretrievable Nandofication - grounds for divorce 👍

If my partner suggested nandos for my birthday (I'm veggie too) they'd be an ex. He doesn't like you, does he? Get rid. And treat yourself to something delicious.