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First Mothers day NC with MIL

115 replies

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 14:52

Just some advice from those in a similar situation because im feeling really sad about it all.

last summer MIL went NC with us thanks to the wonderful lies my SIL’s had been soinning about myself and my DH for years, she rang me after a particular lie her wonderful daughters had said and screamed, swore, ripped me to shreds and slammed the phone down, she blocked me in her temper on all SC and quite frankly I made the descision there and then that I would never again be soft enough to expose myself to their lies and abuse (a complete people pleaser) she has made no attempt to reach out to myself or her grandchildren (she is their only living grandmother) despite me spelling out the truth with proof to boot.

anyhow life has been blissfull other than having to deal with DC’s emotions and questions about why we font see her anymore. But with mothersday coming up im finding myself asking should i post a card? I used to every year with MUM on despite my own mother passing away 12 years ago, along with lovely gifts. Shes not my mother, shes been a terrible example of what a good grandmother should be, but do i still send one from the children? I know the answer deep down… im just feeling so sad about it all, should i take the lead in being the better person?

OP posts:
UncannyFanny · 20/02/2026 15:04

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 15:03

Because i always bought one for them to sign for their only living grandmother

She’s still not their mum. I don’t understand why you did it anyway. From you maybe but not her grandchildren.

Aiming4Optimistic · 20/02/2026 15:04

She's not your children's mother so why would you send a Mother's Day card from them? That's bonkers, before you get into her appalling behaviour.
Teach your children to stick up for themselves, to not allow other people to trample all over them. If mil wants to initiate contact, you can respond to it according to whether she apologises/genuinely wants to put things right. If you cave and send a card, you might as well have doormat stamped on your face!

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 15:04

LindorDoubleChoc · 20/02/2026 15:02

For goodness sake, if your sister in law has been lying about you, surely that's pretty easy to prove? Where is MIL's own son in all this?

It was easy to prove but they dont want to know

OP posts:
aBuffetofunreasonableness · 20/02/2026 15:03

There's no need to treat the woman like she's your mother, her own son can deal with any cards and gifts, it's fine.
If he chooses not to bother, that's also fine.

Don't give it any thought.

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 15:03

UncannyFanny · 20/02/2026 15:02

Why would you send one from your children? She’s not their mum. it’s Mother’s Day, not Nans Day.

Because i always bought one for them to sign for their only living grandmother

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LindorDoubleChoc · 20/02/2026 15:02

For goodness sake, if your sister in law has been lying about you, surely that's pretty easy to prove? Where is MIL's own son in all this?

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 15:02

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 20/02/2026 15:00

Surely this is down to your husband not you? I wouldnt do anything and if he chooses to do something then so be it. Shes your not your mum its not your responsibility

Shes not but in the absence of my own mother i always tried my best to treat her as such…

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UncannyFanny · 20/02/2026 15:02

Why would you send one from your children? She’s not their mum. it’s Mother’s Day, not Nans Day.

MyLimeGuide · 20/02/2026 15:01

I wouldn't bother.

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 15:00

sittingonabeach · 20/02/2026 14:57

Shouldn't your DH be doing something anyway, not you, if something is going to be done?

Its always been me, like a mug, DH has never done. Ive thought about it alot, her son in law has never given her anything or done anything for her, but the sun comes out of his bum with MIL of course

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Peonyperfection · 20/02/2026 15:00

Not I wouldn’t. As a parent we try to teach children the consequences of their actions and this is a consequence of her actions. She’s not the children’s mother. It’s entirely your partner’s decision if he sends a card.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 20/02/2026 15:00

Surely this is down to your husband not you? I wouldnt do anything and if he chooses to do something then so be it. Shes your not your mum its not your responsibility

aBuffetofunreasonableness · 20/02/2026 14:57

It's your husbands choice, he can sort it if he feels the need.

sittingonabeach · 20/02/2026 14:57

Shouldn't your DH be doing something anyway, not you, if something is going to be done?

Coldfebdays · 20/02/2026 14:56

I did leave a christmas gift and card for them as I didnt want to hurt FIL’s feelings, hes a good father in law and grandfather.

OP posts: