First Mothers day NC with MIL

No. Let go and move on.
It's not your sils fault that she verbally abused you and then blanked you, that's all on her. Potentially, she needs the drama and likes to stir it all up.
Potentially, your sisters in law said something that she has embellished and twisted further.
She sounds awful.
Mother's Day this year can be about you, and doing something to honour your own Mum, if you want to. Don't let this person steal any more peace from you.

What was the lie about you?

Shes clearly not bothered about her grandchildren so why bother?

Does your FIL still see the children?

Question.... How often has she wished you a good mother's day?

We are also a family that celebrates all mothers not just our own. For example my mum phones her sister and wishes her a happy mother's day and since I have had children my mum and sister wish me a happy mother's day but it's only for our actual mother we do cards or gifts. If my mum does mother's day craft with my daughter or my niece it is for me /my sister and not for her.

If you want to send a card and mean the sentiments included within go ahead and send it but if you are doing it out obligation don't.

There is a difference between being a nice person and trying to see the best in people and there is allowing the happiness of others to trample all over your feelings. You can't do that without someone getting hurt and there is always the risk that the person you do hurt means a lot more to you than the person trying to be nice too.

My parents can be people pleasers especially with one set of aunt and uncle. They can blow hot and cold with them and always have done. There was an incident where their children were taking advantage of my housebound grandmother with dementia. I sought advice and found there were grounds to refer it to the police if it didn't stop. I told my parents how serious it was and that they had to draw a line and tell my cousins to stop taking advantage regardless of whether they were family or not. My parents refuses as they didn't want to upset my aunt and uncle. I had to point out that they were making a choice between upsetting me or them and who did they care more about. It was only then that they saw that the impact that being nice was having on those around them. They do still play nice with them as they are the sort of people that ensure that their needs come first, second and third but my parents are better at identifying when doing so comes at the cost of harm to them and their family relationships.

She dumped you and her grandchildren - why on earth would you send her a mother's day card? What would it even say? "To the best grandmother?" I don't think so. Just ignore her.

If you like, send FIL a happy father's day card from your children when the time comes.

Is DH NC with her too?

No of course you should not send cards or gifts to a woman who treated you so abominably especially as she is not your mum. She has not made any effort to contact the DC so why bother? It is up to your husband anyway given she is his mum.

No, absolutely do not post a card. I am NC with my own mum. The worst thing she does is bloody contact me on every fucking day when I just want to celebrate with my family and yet I have to deal with her popping up and trying to guilt trip me. If I wanted to hear from her on Mother’s Day, we’d have a relationship. I don’t and we don’t.

If your Dh wants to post her a card, she’s his mum. Sure, he can do that. I actually like my MIL, but I don’t get her a card or present or see her on Mother’s Day, because she isn’t my mum.

I’d count your lucky stars you don’t hear from her and enjoy your day with your dc.

This she isn’t your mother. I would not have done anything at Christmas or anything until a full genuine apology was given

Really, it’s not.

She can expect what she likes on Mothers Day. Time she learnt that her actions have consequences. Stand strong, no card, no acknowledgement.
What a nasty person she is that she supports her lying daughters over the truth.

She believes the lies because she doesn’t see you as family.

NC means NO contact- no cards, gifts etc It should always have been your h’s job to sort things like Mother’s Day. Don’t be a doormat when you know you’ve done nothing wrong- even if it’s just so that your kids don’t repeat people pleasing behaviour and have others take advantage of them.

Nope.
Fuck her.

Thanks ChatGPT

There's nothing in OP's post to say she's having a "trauma response" and fawning is of a magnitude of difference to people pleasing. Try "moral cowardice". That's a closer equivalent to people pleasing

Absolutely do not do this! For every reason been given so far.

Do not give her any power. Boundaries are a healthy thing, don’t be dragged back in.

She's not your mother.

She's not your children's mother.

The only person who could be thinking of sending her a mother's day card is her son. He doesn't seem to be bothered though. She doesn't seem bothered or in fact even a nice person.

Let it go.

I'm sorry you've lost your mum but your husband's mother isn't going to be a replacement.

I feel the same way but I went NC. its the people pleaser in us! Even though the inlaws literally verbally abused me and tried to ruin my marriage... I still feel this weird kin keeping thing! I do hold back and leave it to DH now. It is hard when you are a caring people around arseholes!

Er, why would you send a card to someone you dislike, OP? That would just be hypocritical.
Your husband, obviously, can do whatever he likes.

She's not even your mother....
Step away from the stamps!!! 🤣

A different perspective perhaps....

If you want to be "decent" and model good boundaries then respect the fact your MIL doesn't wamt to hear from you.

You aren't "being nice" by sending a card ... its actually the opposite.
The nicest thing you can do is respect the fact she doesnt want contact with her son or GC.
As nonblood relation you are almost certainly the most peripheral person in all this...

You also think shes soulless and horrid.
Why do you want/ are you trying to bring a "soulless horrid person" back into your childrens lives ?

Are you still seeing FIL? Does he not believe these lies?

Don’t send a card, you’re mutually NC, that means no cards! Enjoy the peace.

This.

Don't entertain doing anything for this toxic rude woman after the disgusting way she treated you. You are worth so much more.

Maybe take some time out just to think about your mum and if it's possible, visit her grave with flowers.

Do you ever talk about your mum to your children?

My maternal grandmother died the year before I was born, but my mum used to talk about her a lot, show us her photographs and tell us how much she would have loved us. I imagine it probably helped her. Maybe it would help you to do something similar?