To Think DSIL needs to stop with the odd comparisons.

She's a complete pain - but I would just focus on being proud of your son. He sounds like he's doing brilliantly.

Wow, your son has done well! If it’s £20k more even than minimum wage, he’s on £44k minimum as a 20 year old, that is amazing!

Best he doesn’t discuss money around those family members, I’d say-keep it vague!

Agree with this. Uni debt (and interest) is ridiculous these days, and what with professional wages in the doldrums and trade prices soaring, it's a very different equation to what it was when I want to uni. It's odd she's only noticed this now really!

If my son didn't want to go to uni and had a good alternative such as an apprenticeship I would totally support that, sad as it is. Uni is a very valuable experience but on a financial level it's often not worth it unless it's something that qualifies you for a very high earning profession.

I think with your SIL I would just acknowledge that yes, it's a very different landscape these days, you think your son made a good choice for himself and ultimately tell her she needs to drop it if she keeps on!

My sister and I have two children the same age. They both went to university and graduated in May 2025.

All any of us talk about is jobs and apprenticeships and how much they pay because it’s not easy to get a job. Should they get an entry level job in the industry they want to work in or should they get an apprenticeship for £5.11 an hour for thirteen months or should they keep their above MW jobs that they have now and keep trying to get ‘proper’ jobs in the field they want to work in. We are completely on both of their sides though.

Just tell her, Yes I'm so proud at how well my son is doing. And you must be so proud of your son too, they are both doing so well!'

Even if someone is thinking it, they should never say it and put another person down..be proud of your DS for all he achieved. She should be proud of her DS for what he's achieved.

So just say ‘God, no idea, and to be honest, no interest. Now, rugby!’

She is being unrsonable, i bet your son also works very long and hard hours DS a grad site manager averages 50 hours a week but is now, 2 years in very well paid. His grad mates i belive earn less but dont work the same. Im sure her son will match his cousin at some point.

Shocked anyone knows what anyone makes, to me that’s deeply personal and would never be discussed. Don’t engage at all, she’s totally out of order

She has a very valid point that in many cases university is not a good option. Yet we are sold on the idea that university offers such an incredible opportunity to every young adult it is worth a couple of hundred thousand pounds worth of debt repayment.

In reality, it isn't worth it in a lot of cases.

You SIL was sold a lie. I'd be bitter too. But it isn't your fault and she shouldn't be taking it out on you

To be honest OP, you are clearly only coming on here to boast that your DD earns more than hers, despite not having been to uni.

No good will come of this. They are only early 20s in their first jobs! Who knows where they'll be at 30. Stop with the petty comparisons.

I’d say something like “Comparison is the thief of joy, SIL”, @Silversushi.

Yes, but it doesn’t help to feel offended. Sometimes what someone says is objectively true. It’s the fact they are saying it with a certain tone or in a pointed way which is offensive.

Objectively, it’s true that OP’s DS is less well qualified, is earning more and has less/no debt in comparison with his cousin. He has used his A level results, opportunities and hard work to good effect.

Equally, his cousin has had two gap years, a big debt and is on a trajectory that has potential to lead to a very good position eventually.

How you frame that doesn’t undermine its truth. Both can be spun to make each lad look better or worse, have had good luck or otherwise.

She is being completely ignorant. you can't compare people on different career paths. Her son could have chosen to go into Construction but didn't.

She is just jealous. Yes, it might be unfair, but it is what he chose to do.

I would advise anyone to learn while you earn and get qualified rather than go to Uni and get into debt.

You have to take her comments at face value, not as comments about your DS

Well, they literally are comments about the OP's DS, because she directly referenced his personal A-level results in relation to his salary.

She sounds deeply unpleasant and resentful.

She is being ridiculous. Her son’s salary will increase anyway, so he may end up out earning your son by quite a bit, but everyone makes their own career choices and you’d think family would be happy for each other.

She sounds rather foolish. Ignore her.

Well done to your DS for sidestepping the expectations of going to uni, being saddled with debt for years and no guarantee of the "dream job". Hes learning a skill and earning money. Your SIL sounds insufferable and I would be tempted to tell her to shut up going on about it. Its none of her business

You have to take her comments at face value, not as comments about your DS.

Her son chose a path with a long term pay off.
Yours chose a more immediately rewarding route and has done well in the short term.

Agree with her that it’s tough to have such a huge student debt. Agree with her that it will take a long time for her son’s rewards to kick in. Agree it’s great her son has good long term prospects.

Agree that your son is doing very well, and has taken a very different career route, with a less clear trajectory and certain associated risks. (By the way her son also faces risks he’ll need to manage- from burnout, alcoholism and family breakdown, if he’s a chartered accountant!)

DS left one of the big 4 after getting his charter. He took a big pay rise and better quality of life for a less certain trajectory.

'Well maybe if your ds hadn't taken two gap years he would be making just as much now'

She sounds like a knob.

She’s being immature on every level. Just cut the conversation dead at the outset if it ever comes up again. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.