Was I right to leave?

F.O.

My Mum would have stayed tbh. She’d want to make sure we were all doing ok if I had a baby that had been hospitalised. I think a friend would have understood the circumstances. I’d be hurt if I asked my mum to help in those circumstances and she didn’t.

My mum is dead. She died fairly young of cancer. Is that ok by you?

I would have stayed. My children are more important than a friend's granddaughter being christened!

Wow, one thing my mum taught me is not to be judgemental about how others live their lives or to make assumptions about strangers.

Or to be bitchy.

You were under no obligation to stay, but quite frankly, I'd have been very hurt if my mum hadn't in a situation like this. And I absolutely know that she would have. Your daughter is likely to be a bit upset and resentful and whether you think it's fair or not, it will impact how she sees you.

I can only assume that this is the only thing you are used to and haven't had the chance to see how other mothers act. I can hope you won't leave your daughter in the same situation.

I live in very similar circumstances. I’ve never had to ask my mum or my MIL to stay, they always offer and are great for support as best they can.

I assume you are retired and didn’t have to get back for pets or similar. If I had just had a rotten week of a baby being ill and my mum was packing her bag to head back a day or so early to go to a random child’s christening I’d be heart broken. I hopefully wouldn’t have to say it.

My husband works from home and he’s got a really tough job, which leaves him really tired. There’s not enough detail here to say what week he was also having at work.

Yes both parents are now around for the weekend, but you could have spent the time cleaning, getting ahead on next weeks meals, doing a big shop or anything at all to give them all a break and to help the little one get better.

Each to their own but when you light need her to come running in the future, expect the same level of help.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’m quite amazed that others do. But my DM never ever took any interest in my DD so I’m coming at this from an angle of never having any help. I just got on with it. It never occurred to me to ask for help from DM or anyone. And I was a single mum. There are TWO adults in this scenario looking after 2 children. If it was that bad SIL should have taken time off work to support his wife. Enjoy the christening OP.

??????

Sorry to hear that, she sounds like my mother.

You know what, no, I don't think my mum would've. She would've known I'd be fine with hubby, but she would've been concerned, phoned, and perhaps come day or two after a christening or been to whatever she had planned that couldn't have been moved.

She certainly wouldn't have taken shortness from me if I hadn't got my own way!

My mum was warm, kind and lovely, and she (unlike my dad) was the most loved member of the family. But no, she wouldn't do everything for us.

We don't even know the details of the OPs relationship with the Christening family. They could be people she sees a lot of or they could be people she rarely gets to catch up with and not unreasonably really looks forward to it.

In those circumstances I’d have stayed. MIL would have had to be pried away in those circumstances also.

I’ll always put the needs of my children (or future grandchildren) before a social occasion. If it was just a want then my plans would have stood, but not helping out in those circumstances. That’s a need imo.

This

Yes! You’ve hit the nail on the head when you say ‘difference between people who fully encompass being a mother and those who have 'done their time'.

unfortunately like yourself, our mums sound very similar! Very difficult to navigate at times tbh.

I knew someone would try and spin it like that, it's nothing at all to do with the things she does for people, it's everything about her nature, she's just a lovely, warm, caring person which naturally creates good relationships with her family.
So would your mum actually say no I'm going to a christening if you asked her to stay and help you and her poorly grandchild? Genuine question?

There's no one in this world that loves alone time more than me but if my grandchild had just come out of hospital and my child asked me for help alone time can wait. I can schedule alone time a week later and help deal with the awful situation at hand, not wash my hands of them because I fancy alone time, don't you agree.?

You were not wrong in leaving when you scheduled but it certainly wasn't very kind. I would have stayed to help my exhausted daughter and grandchildren. I would imagine she feels abandoned.

Yes you're being very unreasonable. Your daughter and grandchild should be more important than another child's christening. I'm pretty shocked you left her.

they aren't loved because of what they do; they are loved because they are present and because of who they are and what characteristics they live and bestow.

The fact they "do" is because that is who they are, not what they can get.

Theres a difference. Its a consequence not a goal.

Pretty rubbish behaviour. My mums dead but my sisters and I wouldn't leave each other in that situation.