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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I right to leave?

317 replies

Roulett · 20/02/2026 11:20

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

OP posts:
CoralOP · 20/02/2026 14:49

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:46

I literally have no idea what you're talking about! A robot dog? Literally a robot? I also have had one username throughout my time on MN.

No.. I do have a cat though. She's dying of kidney failure at the moment, would you like to see a pic?

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Would you say no to your cat if she begged for your help?
You probably have about 1/1000000 feelings towards your cat as good mothers have towards their children. You just really can't understand it until you have children I'm afraid.

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:47

SargeMarge · 20/02/2026 14:43

Yeah, you definitely don’t have kids. No one with kids would insinuate that anyone who needs support from their mum when their child is in hospital just wasn’t raised to be strong and capable.

I was, and as a single parent I most definitely am. And you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. But we actually know what we’re talking about when it comes to sick kids in hospital. You don’t.

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The child isn't in hospital.
The mum WAS there when the child was in hospital.

Get it right, yeah.

PS - there's been many times I've wanted my mum... She's dead.

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:46

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I literally have no idea what you're talking about! A robot dog? Literally a robot? I also have had one username throughout my time on MN.

No.. I do have a cat though. She's dying of kidney failure at the moment, would you like to see a pic?

Nicefortheday · 20/02/2026 14:45

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SargeMarge · 20/02/2026 14:43

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:40

My mum lived nearly 300 miles away. So no, I doubt she would've rushed to the hospital. She never lived long enough to be in this situation with grandchildren, but no, with being miles away and knowing how her own children had all been brought up to be ok, strong and capable dealing with things, she'd probably had not come. She would've called though, and lent a supportive ear. She was a lovely, kind thoughtful lady my mum, everyone liked her. Unlike my dad..

In the same situation of the OP, I still think she would've gone to her Christening. Seriously ill child perhaps not, but the baby is home, on medication, she was already there when the baby was rushed to hospital and already been supportive.

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Yeah, you definitely don’t have kids. No one with kids would insinuate that anyone who needs support from their mum when their child is in hospital just wasn’t raised to be strong and capable.

I was, and as a single parent I most definitely am. And you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. But we actually know what we’re talking about when it comes to sick kids in hospital. You don’t.

Nicefortheday · 20/02/2026 14:43

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Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:40

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?????

Sorry OP, there seems to be some mumsnetters who are hell-bent in derailing your post to have a go at me, and robotdog? I have no clue what they are on about now.

Anyway, enjoy your christening @Roulett

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:40

SargeMarge · 20/02/2026 14:31

Have you ever had your child rushed up to hospital? I have. I needed my mum.

And she was there. Rightly.

I have two kids, and if I’m lucky enough to be a grandparent and they are ever in the same situation then I’ll be there come hell or high water.

Do you have kids?

Show quote history

My mum lived nearly 300 miles away. So no, I doubt she would've rushed to the hospital. She never lived long enough to be in this situation with grandchildren, but no, with being miles away and knowing how her own children had all been brought up to be ok, strong and capable dealing with things, she'd probably had not come. She would've called though, and lent a supportive ear. She was a lovely, kind thoughtful lady my mum, everyone liked her. Unlike my dad..

In the same situation of the OP, I still think she would've gone to her Christening. Seriously ill child perhaps not, but the baby is home, on medication, she was already there when the baby was rushed to hospital and already been supportive.

WhatNoRaisins · 20/02/2026 14:39

Having children doesn't mean that you're nothing but a service provider. I've always tried to accept that my children's grandparents are people in their own right with full and meaningful lives of their own. It's nice to help where you can but you have to be prepared for some no's.

Nicefortheday · 20/02/2026 14:36

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Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:33

BudgetBuster · 20/02/2026 14:27

How am I trying to point score 😂
You are coming across as a very angry person

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And your post helped how???? It was nothing than a cheap shot. Again, bravo!

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/02/2026 14:32

You prioritised attending the christening of a friend's grandchild over helping to care for your own grandchild who has just been discharged from hospital.

Attending a christening? Over supporting your daughter with your grandchildren? Are you fucking kidding?

SargeMarge · 20/02/2026 14:31

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:29

I had already explained to you that my mum was lovely, the most loved member of the family and yet you still insulted her.

If she couldn't stay for longer because of a prior arrangement, despite already been there for me for a few days, and my child home safe and on the mend, then that would've been ok.

Perhaps the difference is I would not have asked my mum to stay in this situation. I would've wished her a lovely time at her arrangement and said thankyou.

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Have you ever had your child rushed up to hospital? I have. I needed my mum.

And she was there. Rightly.

I have two kids, and if I’m lucky enough to be a grandparent and they are ever in the same situation then I’ll be there come hell or high water.

Do you have kids?

BuddhaAtSea · 20/02/2026 14:31

There is no way I would have left DD. Absolutely no way in hell. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind.
I’d get back on that train and apologise.

Nicefortheday · 20/02/2026 14:30

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category12 · 20/02/2026 14:30

I'd have stayed longer. The baby's been in hospital.

figgyputty · 20/02/2026 14:29

I'd be pretty gutted if I was your daughter.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2026 14:29

I’d have told my mum to go and she’d have insisted on staying to help me and occupy the older child. I think prioritising an unrelated baby’s christening was poor.

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:29

CoralOP · 20/02/2026 14:25

I'm not trying to argue with you but I'm sure most people would agree that if your mother wouldn't help you for no good reason when you asked for it with a poorly child then she wouldn't be a great mother because 99% of mothers would.
If that means I'm judging your mother then so be it 🤷‍♀️

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I had already explained to you that my mum was lovely, the most loved member of the family and yet you still insulted her.

If she couldn't stay for longer because of a prior arrangement, despite already been there for me for a few days, and my child home safe and on the mend, then that would've been ok.

Perhaps the difference is I would not have asked my mum to stay in this situation. I would've wished her a lovely time at her arrangement and said thankyou.

BudgetBuster · 20/02/2026 14:27

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:26

Do you feel better now? Trying to point score, put someone down? Bravo.

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How am I trying to point score 😂
You are coming across as a very angry person

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:26

BudgetBuster · 20/02/2026 14:24

I think you should change your username to AngryJoe

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Do you feel better now? Trying to point score, put someone down? Bravo.

CoralOP · 20/02/2026 14:25

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:19

Wow, one thing my mum taught me is not to be judgemental about how others live their lives or to make assumptions about strangers.

Or to be bitchy.

Edited
Show quote history

I'm not trying to argue with you but I'm sure most people would agree that if your mother wouldn't help you for no good reason when you asked for it with a poorly child then she wouldn't be a great mother because 99% of mothers would.
If that means I'm judging your mother then so be it 🤷‍♀️

Looneytune253 · 20/02/2026 14:25

I think it depends on context. Do they ask you often and do they seem entitled about it? On the other side if they never ask and are going through a rough patch with the baby being hospitalised then I would have said YABU

Nicefortheday · 20/02/2026 14:25

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BudgetBuster · 20/02/2026 14:24

Happyjoe · 20/02/2026 14:24

F.O.

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I think you should change your username to AngryJoe

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