Was I right to leave?

Me too..

There are two parents.

But your DD was clearly upset, stressed and worried about the baby and probably wanted the reassurance of having you around in case the baby took unwell again and also because she was struggling.

. I think she might have understood if you'd absolutely had to go back to work and had no choice, But in her eyes you were going for a social occasion, someone elses grandchild was more important than your own, so that's probably why she's upset with you.

Happyjoe regarding who is 'starting arguments'

So I posted to say how lovely my MIL was and how she is loved and appreciated by all our family, you responded saying it was transactional love because she's doing stuff for us.

Yeah....you're definitely not the one trying to start arguments.

Again, I'm not trying to argue with you (neither is other people, you are just incredibly reactive and angry), I'm saying to you that having a mother who wouldn't help you in that situation isn't a good thing. I had a mother like that too but I have seen many other examples of good mothers so had the opportunity to realise it wasn't great.
This all still stands weather your mum is alive or dead, or your cat is poorly, that's all irrelevant. I want to reiterate that if you do ever gave children please don't treat her like that.
It's probably best you step away from this thread, you're grasping arguments and getting yourself really wound up.

Yes YWBU. A friend’s granddaughter’s christening is less important than supporting your own daughter who was probably on her knees with stress and exhaustion.

CoralOP · Today 15:21
Give it a rest, you've been looking for an argument the whole time

🤘

You know what? It couldn't have been further from the truth, but you and others have.
Also, you didn't have to respond, takes more than one person to argue, no? So, give it a rest yourself. 😂

Lots of presumptions and attack is the best form of defence eh?
You were wrong too about boomers too. Ah well.
Have a lovely weekend.

My poorly grandchildren would come before my friend’s granddaughter’s christening

That isn't a good thing 🙈

Give it a rest, you've been looking for an argument the whole time.

The OP didn’t need to travel 300 miles, did she? She was there. And choose to bugger off home for a mate’s grandchild.

And once again, you have no idea what you are talking about. You are childless, so you’ve no idea and you’ve never had the option of having your mum there in most of your adult life, so you’ve no idea. That is very sad for you, but it does mean that you cannot relate.

YABU no way would I have left my DD if she had asked me to stay in these circumstances. She would be my priority over the christening of a friends Grandchild. No wonder she is being short with you.

This.

And thankyou.

Ah, the written word can create problems like this eh?

No, I didn't say that.

My mum's way of thinking would've been she raised us to be strong and capable and that would've been her reasoning not to travel 300 miles and part of her decision making to the situation. If you take that as an insult to all other people who want their mum, that's on you. Nothing about being raised 'properly' (that's telling!), or any of that. Jumped to conclusions you have.

As I said, I didn't start insults. I did however get piled upon, so did my poor dead mum FFS!

A lot of us have grown up being taught that coping with this sort of thing without parental help is normal.

What’s your relationship like normally, why do you live so far away from each other? Whose choice was that? I mean, if she’s not around for you day to day you need to keep your support network that you do have; likewise when you live miles from family you can’t depend on them helping out except by arrangement.

You literally said you wouldn’t need to do it because your mum raised you right, to be strong and capable. The insinuation behind that everyone else wasn’t raised properly.

When you’ve no idea what you’re talking about. That’s all I accused you of saying and you did say it.

I can't imagine not wanting to be there. My children come first, especially over a christening..I would be gutted if I were your daughter. She asked, you said no, that's your right, you've damaged your relationship. She needed you and you left.

No I didn't start the insults at all, in fact some of the insults and strange comments towards me have now been deleted by Mods.
I also didn't say half the things you have written here. I think you need to read back.

Eh. You’re the one who started the insults by saying that people who would want their mum to help haven’t been raised properly to be strong and capable. You can’t go around insulting everyone else’s parents and then expect a free pass on it.

You don’t have kids, yet you’re claiming to understand this situation. You lost your mum a long time ago so you’ve never had the option of being able to call her for support like most people would do, yet you’re claiming to understand what it’s like.

And you insulted anyone who does by saying they’ve not been raised right.

You are were you are due to necessity. You don’t have your mum. But it does call into question the wisdom of your extremely hard stance that it’s totally unnecessary for someone to ask their parent to help them because you don’t know any different, you don’t have kids to understand the feelings involved here and you don’t seem to want to take on board anything anyone says when they’ve been in that situation… other than to say they weren’t raised right.

Out of interest, where was the husbands mum?

Please stop telling me my mum wasn't a good parent. You're being a bitch and it's not needed.

What happened to the robot dog thing? You dropped that bit now? Am actually quite interested where the nonsense came from over a robot dog.

Same. Quite within your right to leave as you wanted to, OP, but I'm thankful my mum is a generous person and I could count on her for support in a stressful time.

You’re making it worse. No actual parent would think “the child is discharged from hospital so all is totally hunky dory now.”

Do you not realise the exhaustion it causes the parent? Because of the stress, the lack of sleep, the worry, trying to put a brave face on for other children. When they get discharged and come home… you just want to collapse. And sometimes have a cry because you had to keep it all inside while being there for your child. But you can’t, because you need to keep parenting.

If your mum is there, and could stay an extra night for you to do that then she should. And every good mum I know would. Mine did.

But you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

Not sure what your mum’s passing has to do with this? Since your whole point is that it’s totally unnecessary because the child’s parents should be strong and capable and get on with it without support. If your mum were alive, you wouldn’t ask her for help.

I’m sorry you didn’t have your mum long enough to really learn what it is that good parents do.