Was I right to leave?

I would have cancelled my plans and stayed for my DD. She asked you to stay, she said she needed you and you chose not to. Your choice but not one I would have made.

The OP did say the father was working but around in the evenings and overnight, kinda implying he was helpful when around. It also sounds like he hadn't needed to take any time off yet as the OP was already there.

He most likely did take the next days off. But, personally I still would have liked my mother to stick around, even if just for the next 24hrs. Obviously OP had plans and that's fine to say no, but her daughter is entitled to be upset.

Neither party is wrong in this scenario IMO.

ETA: Maybe the daughter did subsequently ask other family or friends for help. Probably asked her mother first because she wanted someone close and her mother (OP) was already there.
The OP has gone AWOL though i think so not sure we'll ever get any questions answered.

Huge amounts of grandparents help with child care now, it's well known and been this way for quite a while. The cost of everything, understandably SAHM's are rarer and grandparents often look after the children in the week, school runs and I daresay in emergencies/short notice too. So much so now there's advice on grandparents to set boundaries and reduce burnout.. Looking after young, energetic children and babies when they themselves find it harder to match the energy isn't easy and let's not forget it's probably unpaid child care.

There's also no mention of hubby helping/take the day off or his own mum coming to help? She may live nearer and perhaps no plans. Community spirit shouldn't lie on one persons shoulders after all.

That’s idealistic though. Dealing with small kids is stressful, exhausting and often wrecks marriages. We don’t live in communities much anymore.

In my opinion, you've let your DD down. She needed you. Yes, initially you'd agreed to stay until Thursday, but a hospital visit, with such a young baby, is a family crisis. Stress and lack of sleep damages health and wellbeing. I wouldn't want that for my DD. You walked out at a time of need, to go to a party. It's ironic that you are going to a Christian ceremony. Run it passed the pastor, your compassion is surely lacking.

Id be upset if my mum put her friends grandaughters christening above me and her grandkids. Hospitals stays are exhausting and id want my mum around.

My mum wouldnt do this though. She would drop everything to help.

With family like this, who needs enemies.

it would be a huge finger up in my head to my mum if she had turned her back on me in my hour or need

Sometimes you just need your mum.

Maybe she just wanted some unconditional love for a few days. Baby illness is tough, OP might be the only person she trusts to be there help all four of them.

My mum and dad both came down to help when my daughter was very ill and there are 2 parents plus my 5 year old. It's exhausting when you're child is so ill they need to be hospitalised, plus juggling another child and work demands. I would have been extremely upset if I had asked for help and she had said no. They also live 2 hours away. The christening of someone you barely know is not as important as your own family.

Christenings are usually on a Sunday? So you could have stayed a couple of days extra and done the christening?

See I personally believe that parents should be able to manage their work commitments without relying on help from grandparents or at least without expecting grandparents to miss out on their own social lives.

I get how this would have been different if they were still in the midst of the crisis.

What if he is self employed and would be losing money needed to support the family and pay bills etc. If she is already there why not stay and help

It isn't about needing help per se, but having love and support from your mother. That's hugely different. And if she was welcome, I'd have wanted to be near my grandchild.

I guess it comes down to did they ask for your help because they really needed it or did they ask so the husband didnt have to take a day off work to help out. I think it would be wrong to not stay and help if it was truely needed you but you should not be expected to miss your event in order for the husband to go to work.

A friend's perfectly healthy grandchild would not come above my own sick grandchild and daughter :(

god forbid the husband takes any time off work eh.

I wouldn’t have expected this of my mum, and I was on my own with DCs

Your posts looking for sympathy are completely irrelevant... make yiur own thread if you want people to whip out the violin for you.

You have effectively put your plans of a non relatives christening ahead of supporting your daughter and your poorly, hospitalised grandbaby. I’m surprised people aren’t giving you a harder time to be honest. She needed you.

Well, of course it's up to her to care for her children and all that.. but my Mum definitely would have stayed (as would I, if I was the grandma) not just the lack of sleep but having a child sick enough to need hospital care is so stressful. I wouldn't personally prioritize the christening of a friends grandchild over your own sick grandchild.

Yep, totally agree. If my DC asked me to stay with them I absolutely would unless it was something I absolutely couldnt get out of, in which case I would just do what I had to and go back.

You said your mum would not come and help you if you asked her when your child had been taken to hospital.
I said sorry she sounds like my mum. She does.

You then said that you had been brought up to be non judgemental and bitchy insinuating that I was being judgemental and bitchy ( I was judging your mother but I wasn't bitchy.)

Is that what you mean by people not seeing their faults, still it was you that's starting everything.

You're lashing out at anyone and everyone you can. You obviously have a lot of complex feeling towards your mum. You think she is pretty amazing but the fact that she wouldn't help you if you asked in a desperate situation speaks volumes about her.

I'm not here trying to upset you but you are out here trying to be nasty to everyone and you don't have kids so can't even begin to understand why we don't agree with your point of view.

Presumptions? So you do have kids then? Which you’ve been asked plenty of times and ignored, because you don’t. And you don’t know what you’re talking about.

I think it was pretty cold of you to prioritise a christening (your presence there was hardly vital) over your daughter who was asking for your help. I can't say I blame her for being disappointed in you.

No, you had already complained about your mum, then told, me - yes TOLD me that my lovely mum was the same as yours. A mum I had already said who was lovely is now being compared to someone who doesn't hold their mother in high reguard.

How patronising, how unkind, how cheap. And this wasn't the end of it from you.

How amusing that people can't see their own faults when pointing out the faults of others.

Re: the transactional. Yes, it was showing how I felt, as I had a mum who didn't come to everything when asked but who was still kind and lovely lovely woman and the most loved member of our family. She was indeed the glue that held us together. What she did for us as favours didn't as equate into love. It was a different experience to you and a different way of thinking, but apparently that's now argumentative. OK.

I would have stayed as well. My own mother refused to help with my baby when I was ill with norovirus and I never forgot that day, although it was a long time ago.