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Original poster

Was I right to leave?

317 replies

Roulett · 20/02/2026 11:20

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

OP posts:
nomas · 21/02/2026 19:28

SALaw · 21/02/2026 19:17

Important

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Yes, a christening is imprtant to many people.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 21/02/2026 19:21

I would've put my daughter above a friend's grandchild, especially a christening, sorry

SALaw · 21/02/2026 19:17

nomas · 21/02/2026 19:07

IS IT WHAT?

Show quote history

Important

Hiptothisjive · 21/02/2026 19:12

Rachand23 · 21/02/2026 19:00

You should have stayed. Your daughter - your child - needed you. If you cannot relay on your own mother in this life who can you! You put your own flesh and blood before others.

Not sure about his. I can’t rely on my mum as she lives abroad. So I can’t rely never rely on her for help in a tough spot. Is it georgraphty that changes this? But I can always rely on her to mentally be there for me.

Hiptothisjive · 21/02/2026 19:10

Yeah tricky one. Either way you can’t win.

It’s tough because you had already been down there for four days helping with the kids. I don’t know why your daughter wasn’t sleeping With you there.

Her husband doesn’t sound like he took time off and they expected you to fill that gap but clearly the bay wasn’t so ill he felt he had to?

I get she asked you to stay but after four days too I may have asked but certainly wouldn’t guilt my mun or gwt shirt if she had to go.

Being a grandparent doesnt automatically mean babysitting. Many may many people have been in your daughters shoes and have no one to ask so she was very lucky you were able to help at all.

She had evwry right to ask and you clearly judges the situation and felt you could go. She shouldn’t guilt you unless she is doing the same to her OH and MIL.

nomas · 21/02/2026 19:07

SALaw · 21/02/2026 18:20

IS IT?!

Show quote history

IS IT WHAT?

Julimia · 21/02/2026 19:03

Not anyone else's call but yours. Happy with the decision you made?

Rachand23 · 21/02/2026 19:00

You should have stayed. Your daughter - your child - needed you. If you cannot relay on your own mother in this life who can you! You put your own flesh and blood before others.

Libertoo · 21/02/2026 18:50

Roulett · 20/02/2026 11:20

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

Wow I know you had plans but you basically said your friend and their granddaughter are more important than your own daughter and granddaughter….

BudgetBuster · 21/02/2026 18:46

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/02/2026 18:31

What is the dad doing? Whatever the DD needs OP to be doing, he should be doing that.

But as she needed help with half term even before the illness, sounds like another individual who cannot cope with her own children.

Show quote history

Maybe she didn't NEED help over midterm... maybe it was just a nice time for OP to visit and be able to spend with both of her grandchildren.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/02/2026 18:31

TheNoisyGreyLion · 21/02/2026 18:25

Would I have left my daughter struggling with my poorly granddaughter to go to a friend’s granddaughter’s christening? No.

What is the dad doing? Whatever the DD needs OP to be doing, he should be doing that.

But as she needed help with half term even before the illness, sounds like another individual who cannot cope with her own children.

TheNoisyGreyLion · 21/02/2026 18:25

Would I have left my daughter struggling with my poorly granddaughter to go to a friend’s granddaughter’s christening? No.

Haribomum7 · 21/02/2026 18:23

Your daughter needed your help. I would be cross if my mum prioritised a friend’s granddaughter christening to her own daughter and grandchildren. She is probably stressed and exhausted after her baby was poorly. It doesn’t seem like you have a close relationship with her?

Bonbon21 · 21/02/2026 18:22

The fact the she ASKED for help would have me stay..
I would only be an invited observer at a christening, I am a Mum forever.

SALaw · 21/02/2026 18:20

nomas · 20/02/2026 11:36

I think it’s good you kept your commitment to your friend, a christening is important too.

Your dd needs to realise that you have a life beyond ‘mum’ and ‘grandmother’.

You helped her a lot, her DH needs to step up.

IS IT?!

IsItSnowing · 21/02/2026 18:20

helfordonthelizard · 20/02/2026 12:35

I truly do not understand why anything or anyone can be more important than a daughter asking for help with their own poorly baby.

OP, I am guessing you prioritising a friend's grandchild's christening must have hurt your daughter enormously and take some time to get over. I actually feel the decision was heartless and selfish.

This sums it up for me.

SALaw · 21/02/2026 18:19

Citrusbergamia · 20/02/2026 11:23

Difficult one as you had plans for the weekend that you clearly want to stick to but I know I would have stayed to help my DD; especially with the baby being so poorly.

But where is her DH/children's Dad?

Literally referred to in the OP?

NotAFabergeEgg · 21/02/2026 18:17

They should be grateful for the help you did offer, instead of feeling entitled to more.
most people I know don't get that much (if any).

jigglybits · 21/02/2026 18:15

You know that some parents don't get help from grandparents, ever?
She should be grateful.

category12 · 21/02/2026 18:14

BettyBoo000 · 21/02/2026 18:05

What about the Dads Mum etc why is this being ignored? Maybe the Gran is tired too. As a single parent with no help around myself I’d be happy that she came and stayed and understand that she can’t and won’t always be there to help out. Parenting is tough but it’s not the Grandparents responsibility end of day. Dads family need to help out too

Show quote history

They weren't the ones right there at the time of asking, were they?

OP was staying and got asked to stay longer.

(And her dd probably wanted her mum, not his mum.)

BettyBoo000 · 21/02/2026 18:05

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 20/02/2026 11:48

God... it's your choice but like...a friends GCs christening...?

They honestly dont give a shit if you attend and your DD has been in hospital dealing with your sick GC and you couldnt hang around for an extra day or two???

You came up for 2 day/ 2.5 max....and presumably they both work ...

You could easily have stayed...
Like I said it's totally your choice you dont owe her anything but I was making a grimace reading your OP.

It's just not how my family operates (and I mean that in both directions not just a GPs should be a bottomless pit of free childcare)

I'd be very hurt in her shoes and I think if you are very honest and it was reversed you would be too...

Edited

What about the Dads Mum etc why is this being ignored? Maybe the Gran is tired too. As a single parent with no help around myself I’d be happy that she came and stayed and understand that she can’t and won’t always be there to help out. Parenting is tough but it’s not the Grandparents responsibility end of day. Dads family need to help out too

JoeSikoraTommysStory · 21/02/2026 04:31

I couldn’t personally put a christening over my daughter & granddaughter no way.

MelonB678 · 21/02/2026 03:05

Heartless. I would have stayed. Most decent mothers who love their daughter would have stayed.

It's ironic you ditched them for a christening.

Funkle · 21/02/2026 00:50

I would have stayed and helped.

I had DC in and out of hospital when small with no help other than my DH and it was hell. I either had to deal with everything alone whilst DH worked or DH had to take time off meaning he didn't get paid. It has a huge financial impact on the family even just 1 missed shift. Particularly with how expensive everything is at the moment.

Yes your DD & DH will manage because they have no other choice.

I am interested in how much time do you spend with your Dgc and Dd? Do you only visit at school holidays ect? If this is the case and I was you, I would have bitten my DDs hand 9ff to spend extra time with them.

A christening unless of another DGC or if you are a godparent is never more important than the people we love.

Tiswa · 20/02/2026 23:45

Just because you CAN do something by yourself doesn’t mean you have to and doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help.

and the grandmother role can be amazing I remember the first week or looking after DD by myself I was stressed and in tears and it was my grandmother who I spoke to on the phone who got me through it. One whom I spoke to regularly on the phone and took the kids to see because that is the relationship we had

the OP has set out her side of where the lines are the daughter has a right to as well

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