Was I right to leave?

Your friend’s grandchild doesn’t trump your own child!

You were inflexible, plans can and sometimes have to change. Wouldn't your friend have understood? Might they think you're weird for not putting your family first. Your daughter asked because she needed your help unless she asks alot of you generally. You felt you'd done enough which is fine. In her shoes, would you have wanted help/support?

A Friends granddaughter christening really shouldn’t take priority over supporting your family, your daughter and your sick little grandchild. It’s a few hours at a christening, maybe put your granddaughter before your friends grandchild- I could see how that would pmo enough to be annoyed with you: of course they knew your original plan to leave Thursday but it wasn’t like they planned something they needed support.

This kind of comment makes me feel really sad. If you can’t rely on your mum in a crisis, who can you rely on. When staying in hospital with a sick child, you have very little sleep and it’s a high stress situation.

Your friend will not remember whether you were at her granddaughter’s christening in five year’s time, but your daughter will remember that you weren’t there for her in a time of crisis.

My mum would have stayed to help out and out of worry for my baby but my mum has been an amazing grandparent to my 2 kids so I would not have needed to ask.

If my daughter asked, I would have genuinely known she needed my support, and I would have stayed. I’m sure a good friend would understand.

They aren't sensationalising... they are giving opinions. You're changing the narrative.

It’s also very likely that the baby was discharged with strict instruction to come back to A&E if anything suddenly changed. Babies can deteriorate quickly and just because they were discharged doesn’t mean that they’re 100%. I doubt that your DD was getting any sleep at all monitoring the baby so closely. What a sorry situation.

2 adults for a 6yo and a baby. Sick or not that's not exactly tricky ratios. You helped plenty. Dad could take Friday off or do a night shift if needed.

unless there’s a massive drip feed and you drive 3 hours each way every month to baby sit, then I think you made the wrong call OP. I feel hugely upset on your daughter’s behalf that she asked for help when she was feeling shaken and fragile and you prioritised a random child over helping your own daughter and grandchild who had had a genuinely awful awful week. Your poor DD.

You were unkind to your daughter and family they needed your help at this difficult time

Personally I would have stayed if it was my daughter. However, I have put YANBU as she is a grown woman who should be able to look after herself and her child who also lives with a grown man who should also be able to do the same.

When you don’t accept someone’s refusal with good grace, then you are placing demands on them.

Funny how you don’t see all the people sensationalising the OP’s decline into something massive, even though the dd has a husband.

Where exactly did the OPs daughter DEMAND more help?
She asked, the OP declined, the daughter is entitled to be upset (albeit the OP is also entitled to decline to cancel her plans).

You're sensationalising it by adding words like DEMAND in leiu of ASKED.

💯 Perfectly put.

So what you actually meant is that you were naive to think that people don’t provide as much help as you demand of them without understanding that they may have other obligations?

You don’t sound naive, you sound entitled.

Not bizarre at all if you actually think. Or read. Take your pick

Miao. Sheathe those claws, you are definitely not naive.

Well, if you read to the end of the op, you will have seen that the op's daughter asked for more help and she said no. She said no because she had made a commitment to attend a friend's granddaughter's christening.

Not bizarre at all if you actually think. Or read. Take your pick

If my adult son or daughter with.v small children felt the need fo ask me for help i would give it. You have damaged your relationship and let her know she cannot depend on you.

Did you read the OP and think she didn’t help her dd? Because that is a bizarre take, naive or not.

Whenever I thanked my parents for helping me when my kids were young, my Dad would say it was their privilege.

I hope to be able to do the same for my children when they are parents and need me.

I guess I'm naive in thinking that most people feel this way.

This

No way would I leave my DD if she was struggling and wanted my help…in any circumstance ever. She’s one of the most important people in my life. Just to be at christening of not even a relative.

My mum gave me zero help with my first baby. She wouldn’t have dreamed of driving to help me when I lived an hour away and most certainly would never have stayed overnight. So you are in my opinion an excellent mother for visiting and helping in the first place.

Having said that if it was my child, I would have chosen to stay a bit longer So that she could get a bit more sleep.

I think you’ll probably get mixed responses on here, as there is no right or wrong way to have done things.

I would maybe just get in touch with your daughter and say you have been feeling bad about not staying longer, and that you enjoyed the time with her, and ask about her children and how the baby is doing. This will hopefully just clear the air and you’ll get talking normally again.

I would have left as I had a firm commitment to a christening. But I would have made a plan to return as soon as possible after.

Shes struggling, so help her

It’s ok to have boundaries OP. I adore my mother and I think the feeling is mutual but if I had asked! Sometimes I do and she said she can’t leave the dog . We never fall out! I have a 13 month old so I understand how toted she must be! Do they have any other help? Cleaner, nanny? My mum lives abroad but my husbands aunt lives about 15 min away and she is here most days! Anyone else around to help?