Was I right to leave?

I think you need to take a fresh look at your priorities.
YABU.

OR her daughter said she needed her so OP drove a significant distance (doubt the dd offered her petrol money either!) and provided free childcare for more than three days....it's not as if she hasn't helped her at all, that's a huge help which many people don't have!

I can understand why it would be nice if she could have stayed longer - what's missing is when the christening is - unless it was literally that Thursday she could have maybe stayed for a few hours - but at the end of the day it's not like she left them in the lurch with baby still in hospital - they'd all had a night's sleep at home, if her dd was still that exhausted the baby's dad could have called in sick or asked for emergency leave, or dd could have asked the parent of one of the older gc's friends to take care of him for a few hours so she could try and nap.

Thanks to OP they didn't have to find emergency childcare for him while they were in hospital, which they otherwise would have so she's already been a huge help.

OP is a grand parent, not a third parent - there's a difference between help, which should always be voluntary, and expectation/entitlement.

In my family, supporting those who’ve been ill and in hospital would take priority 100%. The same goes for elderly parents.

If you’d been in hospital and needed extra support, would you expect your DD to prioritise her own social engagements above supporting you?

I think you should have stayed.
my mum would have. I would have been so upset if she deemed someone else’s grandchild christening a priority over her own family. How strange

Does she not manage her children well anyway? Since she needed help at half term, even without them being sick?

Most people just get on with it. Too much help debilitates people and they get reliant on it.

They are BVU to not be thankful for the help you’ve given, and demand more.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to leave when you want to leave, it's your life after all, but you come across as being very emotionally detached. You refer to the kids as your daughters children, yet these are also your grandchildren and one of them was poorly enough to need hospital treatment. Perhaps your daughter also feels this.

I think we could do with a little clarification on a couple of points here @Roulett to make this all fair

Did you drive to your DDs?
What day was/is the Christening?
Did your son in law take any time off work to help over half term/with baby being ill?
Was baby admitted to hospital or taken to A&E?

I think just gives us more context

Also, are there other grandparents to help? If so, were you the only one to be asked to help?

Don’t be daft! She could say ‘I’ve been with my daughter all week, helping her look after the ill baby. The baby had to go into hospital for treatment but was released the same day. I’m glad I was there to support her.’

Where I come from we call this a “dick move.”

I disagree with your priorities. Picking an unrelated child christening over your own family's needs is really odd to me.

But it was your choice ultimately and you're free to do as you like. Hope you had fun at the party.

She is not U to ask but you are not a U to say no - you already helped for 4 days. And over the weekend her h will be there, so he can step up.

She is U to be short with you, though.

Is her h helpful?

Sounds like the Dad needs to step up ALOT more.

There’s not reason why your DD can’t catch up on sleep this weekend when her husband is around.

People aren’t always at their most reasonable when sleep deprived though.

As someone that doesn't live near parents she should be used managing her child's needs with just her and DH. It would have been nice if you'd been able to stay but I don't think that you're wrong to have other plans and things going on in your life.

Regardless of anything else, I would have wanted to stay to be near my grandchild.

I would have stayed. If it was something like a close friends funeral or similar you had to go to, fair enough. But for most things I think I would have cancelled to stay and help

It’s not a race to the bottom. The daughter asked her mum to stay because she needed her (although I’m sure she’ll cope regardless) and the mum chose not to bother. Parenthood applies to the mum too, you don’t stop being a parent once your children are adults.

All the posters saying "they just have to get on with it" are so shitty.

If my children ask for my help I will always help them, it doesn't matter if they are adults if they are having a hard time and need their mother I will be there god willing.

Massive favour? It saddens me that travelling a few hours for a few nights to help look after your own grandchildren is considered a big favour in our modern western world. There's a reason they say it takes a village to raise a child.

You should have stayed. I don't know why that wasn't a priority for you but you have shown your daughter where she stands.

I truly do not understand why anything or anyone can be more important than a daughter asking for help with their own poorly baby.

OP, I am guessing you prioritising a friend's grandchild's christening must have hurt your daughter enormously and take some time to get over. I actually feel the decision was heartless and selfish.

Many families have no family support whatsoever. They have to deal with it beat they can. Im sure your DD will cope, it's called parenthood and they just have to get on with it

@Roulett
When you go to the christening tomorrow, and you see your friend and she asked about your week, will you say “Well, my baby grandson ended up in hospital for a night and my daughter and husband are pretty tired and stressed and needed some help, but I left them to come to this event.” Do you think your friend would say you did the right thing? Or would she tell you that you’d been stupid to prioritise the christening of a child who has nothing to do with you.

No she wanted her mother to help her and support her which is a perfectly reasonable request and one which she was entitled to make.

The OP is perfectly reasonable and entitled to say no of course she is she has a right to that boundary

but the daughter also has a right to feel upset that her mother made that choice and clearly it has affected her which is her right as well

Did you offer any kind of compromise? Assuming the christening is tomorrow, I think I'd have stayed until your son in law finished work today and then come home with plenty of time to get ready for a weekend christening.

I understand why your daughter was stressed about her baby being hospitalised and having to care for another child - even if she didn't feel let down, it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to be a bit short on the phone under the circumstances!