Was I right to leave?

Purpleturtle45 · 25/02/2026 21:56

My Mum is like this, I rarely ask for help but when I do she always has something that's more important, even if it's something trivial that can easily be changed and I never ask unless it's urgent.

My MIL is always there for us in difficult times and as a result are much, much closer to her.

It's up to you what you what you want to prioritise but don't expect her to prioritise you!

InvestingMimi · 25/02/2026 20:34

As a grandmother, I would have stayed.

changeme4this · 23/02/2026 17:14

I would have stayed up until the christening day and left from DD’s place for it. If that was closer to my home, I would have gone there for the night but returned to DD the next day.

ForNoisyCat · 23/02/2026 08:24

Roulett · 20/02/2026 11:20

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

i would have put have out my own child’s needs first, even if it risked my friendship.

MrsPositivity1 · 22/02/2026 13:19

I’d definitely have stayed, as would my mum for me.

Paperwhite209 · 22/02/2026 12:58

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 06:38

I wonder if the "ditching your grandchildren for a random kids christening" narrative is a reflection of the general misanthropy and obsession with nuclear family on here.

The OP may well have a very significant friendship with the people involved and the event be something of real importance rather than just some cheap excuse to ditch her daughter. It's sad that some people can't imagine someone having such a meaningful relationship with something outside of their family.

I thinks that's a pretty intense way of looking at.

Daughter and baby in hospital on Wednesday, OP departs as planned Thursday morning.

That's the best part of two days for her DD managing the kids on her own while exhausted while her husband is at work.

Assuming the christening in on a Sunday, it's hardly impractical to stay even an extra 24 hours (personally I'd have left Saturday late morning) to give her daughter a bit more support.

I have lifelong friends of 40+ years - they are close enough that they would understand in this situation why I might not be able to make their grandchild's christening!

Hereagain2 · 22/02/2026 12:15

Roulett · 20/02/2026 11:29

The baby got out the night before I left.

My mum would have stayed - she would have stayed in the hospital too if I asked her to.

Think you might be denied access going forward, but you have other peoples grandchildren don’t you?

Wynter25 · 22/02/2026 10:34

Yanbu x

friendlikeme · 22/02/2026 09:58

nomas · 22/02/2026 09:52

You’re implying OP is a cold fish for not staying. So all her other help counts for nothing, eh? Even the next time she is needed for half term?

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I mean, yes, my opinion is that the decision to leave in these circumstances is cold. You can be grateful and appreciative of the support her mum provides and still feel that it’s a cold decision. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

nomas · 22/02/2026 09:54

BudgetBuster · 22/02/2026 09:49

But she never said she does every half term?

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When you say that I have to stay when I go up, it implies a regular arrangement.

fetchacloth · 22/02/2026 09:54

nomas · 22/02/2026 00:54

Again, there is a husband and father at home who is perfectly capable of supporting his wife and child.

Funny how people think the husband’s plans (work) are more important than OP’s plans.

Most employers allow parental leave for child sickness, he should take time off for his family.

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I agree. Parental responsibilities should be shared, and employer's policies allow for this.

nomas · 22/02/2026 09:53

.

nomas · 22/02/2026 09:52

friendlikeme · 22/02/2026 09:50

I didn’t. I just said I don’t want to be one.

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You’re implying OP is a cold fish for not staying. So all her other help counts for nothing, eh? Even the next time she is needed for half term?

friendlikeme · 22/02/2026 09:50

nomas · 22/02/2026 02:26

Why are you calling a mother who regularly makes the 3 hour trip to give her dd free child care for multiple days a cold fish?

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I didn’t. I just said I don’t want to be one.

BudgetBuster · 22/02/2026 09:49

nomas · 22/02/2026 09:46

Because OP says ‘live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay.

Half term is a regular occurrence.

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But she never said she does every half term?

MID50s · 22/02/2026 09:48

Roulett · 20/02/2026 11:29

The baby got out the night before I left.

Personally I would have stayed. It’s your daughter and grandchild at the end of the day.

nomas · 22/02/2026 09:46

BudgetBuster · 22/02/2026 03:06

Regularly?
Who said this was a regular occurrence?

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Because OP says ‘live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay.

Half term is a regular occurrence.

Missj25 · 22/02/2026 09:44

randomchap · 20/02/2026 11:31

Personally I would have stayed.

An ill child and shattered parents should take priority over a friend's grandchild being christened

Yes , I think so too .

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 08:48

Because if she is allowed to have her own life (not that she needs anyone's permission) then sometimes that own life stuff will be prioritised over giving DD what she wants.

category12 · 22/02/2026 08:45

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 08:37

Then why are so many people sneering at her for wanting to attend this christening of a "random kid"?

And we come full circle. Please go back to my post at 06:53 if you want to have the same conversation again.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 08:37

Then why are so many people sneering at her for wanting to attend this christening of a "random kid"?

category12 · 22/02/2026 08:30

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 08:22

See I also feel lucky that I had loved ones that had other things in their life that gave them joy and meaning even if it meant that they weren't always available. It made them more interesting people.

My mum also has a life of her own and things that bring her joy and meaning. (One of them also being me and her grandchildren 😂)

She isn't endlessly twiddling her thumbs, waiting for me to need her, but when it matters, she makes herself available. Because she wants to.

It's not a choice between having a full life of your own or not.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 08:22

See I also feel lucky that I had loved ones that had other things in their life that gave them joy and meaning even if it meant that they weren't always available. It made them more interesting people.

glitterpaperchain · 22/02/2026 08:21

pouletvous · 22/02/2026 07:50

Absolutely not. She’s an adult. She has a husband

we have all been there with kids, lack of
sleep etc.

the tiredness has made her unreasonable

Tired enough to be unreasonable, but not tired enough to warrant her mum staying to help...makes perfect sense

glitterpaperchain · 22/02/2026 08:19

I would be disappointed if my mother chose a friend's granddaughter's christening instead of helping me with a baby who'd just been discharged from hospital. It shows your priorities.

Of course you can choose to do that. But actions have consequences.