Ex wants to stop paying for DC whilst so he can get a mortgage

I don't know how he got a car on finance if he's only just started a new job! He must have lied on the application. Absolutely don't let him escape his commitments, I would be very surprised if he was able to get a mortgage this quickly after moving anyway. Unless he lies. And then he's committing fraud. I don't see what's wrong with living in a flat if you're single anyway! Sounds like he's got delusions of grandeur.

With due respect that answer is crystal clear! You sound as if your over involved in each others lives!!
I would be working on putting much more distance between us, certainly would be having him in my house.

He sounds a dreadful man!
He would need to declare on his mortgage application that he has 2 dependents and they will assume he is a decent human being and paying for them.

I think he’s slightly unrealistic about his prospects of getting a mortgage.

But yes, he does need to declare that his children exist and that he has a responsibility to pay for them or it’s mortgage fraud.

If he’s not bothered about that (ie potentially committing a crime), what he needs to do to stop the payments “showing” on his account is save up a sum of money and pay you in advance for a period of time. Not stop payments or say he’ll pay you in arrears.

He needs to get rid of the Mercedes before he even thinks about this though.

I bet he’s lied on his car finance application where it asks how many dependents he has!

A hard no

it’s fraud and if he stops you don’t get it again

if need be go via cms. You get a few pounds less. He has to pay a few pounds more

but don’t with hold him seeing the kids if doesn’t pay

How about if he had 50 50 childcare you could get a job and a mortgage yourself to leave to the kids.
How about if he didnt have a mercedes in HP he would also have more money for the mortgage.
I would tell him to piss off.
Also his argument about being 43 is crap as well. He can wait a few years and increase his income and get rid of his mercedes.

You can’t prevent him seeing them on the basis of his non-payment, that’s appalling. The rest of it though, you’re absolutely correct. Go to CMS! Let them show up on his bank statement

Fuck no, he doesn't get to opt out of paying for his kids, no way would I stand for this.

He doesn't want a mortgage. He wants to stop paying for his children.

Absolutely this.

but kids aren't pay per view either. With regard to seeing him, do what's best for your kids, nothing more, nothing less.

What's stopping you working full time? Plenty of single parents do. I'm not saying it's easy, but if you want to save to get a mortgage then you have to do the hard things.

im glad you got away from him though, he sounds awful.

He's abusive and fucking deluded. Tell him to keep paying and go to cms.

Why is this abusive man in your house and you're cooking for him?!

Shut all this shit down op.

He picks them up on the doorstep and takes them somewhere for the day. You say hi and bye, no need for further conversation or him in your home.

Ignore all conversations about child maintenance or finances. Tell him once you expect maintenance paid reliably and regularly and then grey rock him. I would advise that you ask CMS to assess him. It's the best way with exes like this. Takes away all the direct conversations with him about it as they sort it all.

I can't believe he asked your parents for a deposit too! I'm assuming they know he was abusive and I hope they told him where to go!

I'd imagine the Mercedes costs around the same as he's expected to pay to you, so if it's a choice, the car is what he needs to get rid of. If necessary, take him to court to get an agreement set in stone.

My ex of 20 years, paid minimal towards our kids and saw them also 4 hrs a week. He turned up in a relatively new BMW to pick them up one week, and insisted on showing me official BMW cushions which cost an arm and a leg at the time. I claimed child maintenance through official channels after that. I suggest you do the same. Complete arse.

Given what's in your post I don't believe he wants a mortgage, it's just a strategy to try and get out of paying CM.
You definitely shouldn't stop contact over money, that's a completely separate issue. Don't deprive your DC of a relationship with their father based on money. Go through CMS for money and keep their relationship separate. Family court can be an awful experience for parents and DC. If you try going down that route you may end up with a 50/50 arrangement and no CM.

I'm baffled to know why you're still cooking dinner for a man you're separated from and who was absolutely fucking awful to you?!

As a side note, no chance he's getting a mortgage anyway so the CM payments make absolutely no difference.

I get it, OP. That 1 sentence in your post that everyone is jumping on - she hasn’t said she will keep the children from him if he doesn’t pay. Just that she doesn’t want the kids to see him if he’s contributing. I think most people in her position would feel like that.
not many people in this situation will happily sit there and be glad their child/ren are seeing their father who contributes nothing to their upbringing other than seeing them for 4 hours a week!

if I were you, OP, I’d get in touch with CMS now to sort out the maintenance payments properly. You shouldn’t be messaging him every pay day to remind him to contribute!

Not your problem. He can fuck off.

Tell him they’ll ask him at the mortgage meeting does he have children and he’ll have to lie then because whether you were together or not they’ll deduct it certain amount from how much he can pay. If he lies he can potentially go to jail. If he hasn’t been working he won’t get a mortgage anyway c, they’ll want consistent proof of income

Hahaha. A proper man wouldn’t be asking his ex or her family for help with money.

If he was half decent I would suggest he could give you it in cash so it's not showing on his bank but he sounds like a complete dickhead so I wouldn't!

Tell him he should have thought of that before he got the car. He won’t be getting a mortgage with only working for a few weeks and no deposit. He actually asked if your parents would gift the deposit? He has got some cheek hasn’t he. Don’t let him get away with paying for his kids. He doesn’t even need a house for himself only.

So he’s now trying to guilt and coerce you into aiding and abetting mortgage fraud, which is what this is. This isn’t your problem, it’s his and the time to properly consider what he personally wants from life was before he had financial responsibilities to his children. Him wanting to own his own home is sod all to do with leaving his kids an inheritance - he knows it and so do you.

He’s a massive twat and you’re right not to give any of this a second thought. Tell him if he stops your payments you’ll go through CMS. Let’s see him try to explain to a mortgage adviser why he’s having child maintenance deducted from his wages before he even gets them.

Don’t let this abusive man in your house and certainly don’t cook him anything!!! You need to keep him and his life separate from you as you are open to more abusive behaviour from him and coercive control etc!!! Meet him down the road at the park for an hour and then go home and tell him he is not coming in!!