AIBU to be confused: some couples don’t share a bed/room with their when they have a new baby?

Beyond the first couple of weeks when mum is recovering from childbirth this is really pointless though. Another adult waking in the night to do nappy changes when the baby is 7/8/9/10 months old when the awake adult can do it in seconds is quiet weird.

DH did stay with us during his paternity leave to help with formula feeds and changes. But baby is now EBF plus he has an hour long car commute each way. I really want him to be rested so he is safe when driving. He’d rather stay with us but when he occasionally tries he quickly realises how awful it is being woken up multiple times a night.

Why are you confused? Different people make different decisions based on their different needs.

My babies were exclusively breastfed so my dh didn’t need to be woken up to help me breastfeed.

My dh drives a 30 tonne vehicle. He needs decent sleep in order to remain safe on the roads.

We had twins so we were sleeping in shifts during the new born phase so who ever was doing the sleeping was in our bedroom. Who was on baby duty was in the nursery dealing with the babies. I have never had a singleton so l can’t comment. It’s safe to say l wouldn’t be on baby duty every night if we had. The ultimate piss take is when the dad hogs the master bedroom then mum gets delegated to the spare room or nursery

We did this. I think it makes perfect sense. Why do you have to both be exhausted esp. if one of you is breastfeeding anyway?

Dad has more energy to wash, shop, make dinner etc the next day.

But late for me. And as said when kids were small their was nowhere else for the dad to sleep

I sleep much better when I'm sharing with my partner now than alone.

I highly recommend it!

Well it's not really possible when there's no where else to sleep so didn't give it a thought tbh. Until I read this thread it never occurred to me that people actually did sleep in separate beds.

I much preferred to have the extra space to switch the baby over!

DH and I slept in different rooms for around 6 months to make sure we both got a decentish amount of sleep and didn't disturb each other when both our kids were newborn. DH would do evening shift from 8 til around midnight and I was on duty after that.

If you’re breastfeeding, there is absolutely no point in both parents being knackered. The non breastfeeding parent can take the slack during the day and also absorb the breastfeeding parents frustration at lack of sleep.

I have my babies and toddlers sleep in bed with me. That’s how we’ve always done it. There’s no room for a bloke in the bed, and he’s a light sleeper so he would be lucky to be alive if he hadn’t moved rooms.

I did at night Used to wake up with uneven boobs

And was further back than 15 years

But you would have woken up to breastfeed? DH also did nappy changes, but I was the sole sorce of nourishment for DD.

Dad mustn't be next to the baby, that was definitely a thing 15 years ago.
Unless you're only feeding on one side it's easier to have dad sleep elsewhere.

Not if its dad, mum, baby.... but the issue there is you're limiting the space so baby can easily roll off the bed if on the edge

Personally I just found it way easier to do everything I needed to with all the bed myself. Feeding positions, sleeping positions, change mat etc - all right where I needed them and no husband in the way of me settling into a good position.

Cuddle curl means sticking my bum right back for me, and my husband naturally sleeps the same way. Easily gets crowded!

Surely Dad wouldn't roll tight across mum. 3 kids I've had sleeping and can't say it's even come close to happening

I slept on a pull out bed on the floor with DC2 when they were very little. Moses basket beside me, then he was brought in for night feeds and often just slept next to me. We got so much more sleep that way.

DH dealt with DC1 if they woke in the night. She often went in with him, I think because she was a bit jealous her sibling got to sleep in with a parent. We phased it out eventually when the night feeds reduced. Felt like a milestone getting back into my own bed.

I bf both DS's my husband would change their nappies in the night hand me baby I would feed and burp then hand to him to settle them.

We didn't do it but had a few friends who had this set up.

The majority I understood due to their jobs and definitely needing sufficient sleep - train driver, pilot etc.

Some however was more due to their husbands being princesses and couldn't handle a newborn (they haven't become better parents with age either and very hands off/leave it all to the wife.

I wouldn’t have tolerated it if I was expected to do all the night wakings though!

That only works if you aren't breastfeeding though.

We slept apart when we had a newborn. We took it in turns to sleep in the master bedroom with the baby, so we each got a good night’s sleep every other night.

I wouldn’t have tolerated it if I was expected to do all the night wakings though!

My ex slept separately becuase his sleep was such more important than mine, I worked and baby was bottlefed.

DP would wake up with our youngest, change him, pass him to me to feed, then burp him and put him back down in esrly days of frequent wakes. Hehad 3mo paternity leave so it was doable. He also wakes with eldest once a night. I still breastfeed youngest and we sleep in the same bed. Dp works, I am a Sahm to a 4yo and 1yo. He doesn't value his sleep over mine and neither do I.

theres just too lay factors to consider - I know many who did sleep separately and many who didn’t.

Is the baby sleeping for periods or an awake all night baby?

Is it BF or FF?

Does the key nighttime carer co sleep?

What job does the father do? What hours are worked and is it shifts?

Is the primary night carer (mum if BF but usually mum anyway) on MAT leave?

Does the dad pull his weight in other ways?

Is the plan for a more even split eventually or after Mat leave or will the mum remain SAHP.

people do what benefits everyone the most all round IME

I was breastfeeding so had to do the night wakes. If he slept in another room , then that meant that he had enough sleep to take the baby early in the morning and again in the evening so I could sleep. It worked for us, back in the same room now and still happily married.