Bit of a strange one…
I suffered quite a bit of bullying at school, but I did have a friendship group. None of us were particularly happy at school, which I think was a big part of us sticking together. Most of us decided not to stay on for sixth form - a couple got jobs, and a couple of others went onto training courses. I decided to do my A Levels at the local college instead. Only one of us, Cathy, who was super-academic (to the point her GCSE results made the papers) stayed on.
I tried to keep in touch with all my friends, but they didn’t really make the same effort, and to be honest I think we all enjoyed having new friends. Only Cathy made a concerted effort, for which I was grateful. But it became obvious quite quickly that we didn’t have a lot in common one-on-one. Also, she got quite snooty about our other friends, and how they’d never get anywhere in life without their A Levels; I found it quite difficult.
I never fell out with Cathy, but after university I saw less and less of her. I eventually moved away and didn’t keep in touch. Anyway, I went to a school reunion recently, and was shocked to hear someone had said he’d heard Cathy had died. I only heard this second hand, so I don’t know any of the details or even if it’s definitely true. There’s certainly no trace of her on social media, but I can’t imagine she would ever have been interested in it anyway. She also has/had a very common name, so wouldn’t be easy to find online.
Obviously it’s terrible if it’s true. But onto my AIBU… I was talking to someone from school about it, and she was very shocked too. She said it was very sad news but that “you mustn’t feel guilty”. I was a bit taken aback and asked what she meant. She said “Well, I know you sort of drifted apart after uni. But you couldn’t have known this would happen.”
I honestly found it odd that she’d even thought about it in those terms. Of course I’m sad (assuming it’s true) - it’s terrible to think of someone so young dying. But guilty? I just don’t see it. Should I have made more effort to see her just in case something happened to her one day? We all die. Most of us are lucky enough not to die young, but no one escapes it. A friendship that wasn’t working wouldn’t suddenly have started working if I’d had the knowledge she wouldn’t be around forever.
So do I have anything to be guilty about?