To wonder why people don’t use the safety tools available when blending a family?

I’d suspect the value in this sort of exercise for the single parents who do “fit the stereotype” would be minimal tbh because women whose self esteem and boundaries are poor enough that they bring a rotation of new boyfriends around their children are also those more likely to simply ignore any results / allow said boyfriend to tell her that it was a malicious allegation. Just as with all the women who end up losing their children to social care because they won’t end a relationship with a man they’ve been told is a danger. I have a trainwreck of a cousin who fortunately doesn’t have custody of her children, but who dates all kinds of dubious men with all kinds of criminal backgrounds that she’s fully aware of but “he didn’t do it / he got set up / his evil ex told lies to get him arrested.”

Step dads can also turn out to be predators without previous convictions. If you’re saying that women can’t be trusted to decide who is appropriate to have around their children, I’m not sure why that judgement is only being questioned in regard to step dads.

That's a poor argument. Lots of fathers / family members turn out to be predators who didnt have a criminal history prior to being caught.

And presumably, she wasn't a single woman with vulnerable children when she met the father of her children?

And, if someone's father / family member did end up being a predator, half of the time, the mother isn't to blame. If it was a boyfriend who wasn't related and she quickly moved him in, she kind of is to blame because what was she thinking?

Do you have children? Have you run these checks on their father, as I’m not sure why they wouldn’t pose a risk. How about other family members? Has anyone run checks on you to ensure you don’t have a history that means you’re a risk to them?

But why are you trying to close people down who are talking about the single parents who do fit the stereotype?

Just because you don't, that doesn't mean there are plenty who do.

It is self centred to dismiss a discussion around this because you didnt do it and dont like the trope, yes- further proven by your need to outline your relationship. There are women who do, and whilst i dont think these checks tell the full story, time and time again following a horrific event it turns out they have a violent hisrory, so whats the harm?

Also to those on this thread incorrectly stating bio family are more likely to abuse, its adults known to the child which includes...you guessed it!

For the same reason most people don’t do do these checks on people they are dating when they don’t have children.

Self centred you say. Or maybe I’m just tired of how single parents are viewed as irresponsible with a revolving door of men in and out. It’s quite the dull and oft used stereotype. Objecting to it doesn’t make me self centred surely.
For what it’s worth, I’m no longer a single parent. I met my absolutely amazing partner when my daughter was at Junior school and he’s made an incredible step father. She adores him now even as an adult.
Maybe I struck lucky. Or maybe I took my time to get to know him, trust him, and find out about him. If I hadn’t trusted him enough to have him move in without checking his criminal record, I wouldn’t have been at the stage where I was getting to considering him moving in.
Maybe I’m self centred or maybe I was a single parent who didn’t fit the tired and lazy stereotype and don’t like it when people apply them whatever they are. In which case I’m free to respond on a forum.

This is so true. In my teaching career I witnessed altogether 3 members of staff who were struck off ( 1 did 5 years in prison) due to sexual contact with children. Also a supply teacher too so that makes 4 I got to know about. All the same school. All had clear DBS checks annually.

Are you married? Living with a partner? Did you do this?

I agree that women should use them as standard, especially before bringing a new man into their child’s life.

However I do think people overestimate how useful they are and rely on them too heavily. They will come back clear unless someone else has reported them. Just because someone hasn’t been reported, it does not automatically mean they are safe. Think about all those men in jobs where DBS checks are done who are later found to be rapists/abusers.

You're correct. But so many people on here seem to suggest it as some sort of routine check when you meet a new partner.

Then surely you should check out your brothers, father and any other male relatives that your kids spend time with? And female family members too, female peadophiles exist they are just less likely to be reported.

I get where you are coming from and to be honest I agree completely. But it does open up the question why you would get a partner checked and not your own family. Most abuse happens within families after all.

Surely being with someone for 7 years will tell you infinitey more than a check that will come back fine if no-one has reported the guy?

My ex husband was very abusive during our marriage, and he was found not guilty to most offences because he pled guilty to a very minor offence so his would come back fine, despite him being an abusive arsehole.

There's no way he could have hid who he was for such a long period of time.

There is no way I would consider my father, uncle, brother or cousin, more of a risk to my DC than some random bloke I’ve just met. I grew up with these men. My dad bathed my DB and I when we were small. My cousins loved my late uncle and trusted him with their DC. I find it hard to believe that men who posed no threat to their own DC would be a threat to their DGC. The women I know who were abused by a child were abused by mothers‘ partners or in one case, decades ago, by a very creepy uncle who there were suspicions of.

So yes, I agree with OP. New partners should be checked out. The recent BBC reported case of how experts identified a child sex offender who was filming the abuse involved the mothers boyfriend who was a known offender.

Maybe this OP is aimed at Katie Price?

Yet men you're related to or you know well are statistically more likely to abuse your kids than 'randoms'. If you're saying single mums then what about single dads and their male mates who are all 'randoms' also?

And I don't know anyone who does Clare's law on every single male that meet their kids including every man in their own family and the plumber and the lollypop man.

Some sort of check would only work if the person had actually been convicted of an offence.What about abusers who’ve never been caught?
As far as the law is concerned, unless someone was known to them, they’d be clean.

How on earth do you suppose you’d enforce something like this anyway ?

Again, meeting a man when you have kids is very different from meeting a man before you have kid. Because predators seek out single mums for access to kids.

We have a higher chance of ending up on a date with someone very wrong, but very well versed in hiding it.

I think you’re being quite disingenuous.

There is a big difference between meeting someone, marrying and having kids while you are single with no children before you meet and then meeting someone when you have young kids.

Because we know predators target single mums in a way they don’t target childless women. So it is not the same as meeting someone before you had kids.

And you also sound naive at best, stupid at worst, if you think you can always tell the bad ones and they’d have red flags galore. You can’t. From someone who worked in mental health and did time working with prisoners… you really can’t always tell.

If you have kids, you should check out the man you’re seeing. Always. It is not the same as meeting someone before because you are a target.

Right.. But you can't realistically do a check on every male who comes into contact with your children...

Does every woman do Clair / Sarah's Law checks on men when they get into relationships / get engaged / start planning a family?

Its very self centred when people take threads personally. There are women who subject their children to men they barely know, and there are men who manipulate and conceal their past/who they are in order to gain access to children. This doesnt mean that the vast majority of single mothers do this, nor that there is zero risk from.other men.

Naive to trust someone after 7 years? 🤣 ok

You must of had a very nice life to not worry about things like that 😅

My sisters ex was sent to prison for molesting his cousins, you'd never think it, he was charming, friendly, outgoing, kind, good looking...... most people who are this way, are master manipulators

How is it naive to trust someone after 7 years? People get married and have multiple children in less time than that. PP even says as much!

Everyone should do checks if that makes them feel safer but clearly not necessary after knowing someone for the better part of a decade.

Most of us know how to put our children first, some women do not. I've be single for almost a decade and I didn't get offended at what the op said as it it is true, some women do move men in constantly

I've been single all this time as I'm scared someone could hurt my children, or me, its not worth the risk

I have a childhood friend, exact same age as me, whose had 8 children with 7 men. Each and every time she's moved these men in and tried playing happy families.

I have an ex friend who moved in / married someone within 3 months of meeting them / moved her kids in with him

One of my closest friends has recently had a new relationship, and she's had this man meet her child, baby sit her child, stay at her house whilst child is there ect , she's talking about him moving in / having children

Lots of women ( and men ) don't put their kids first and don't vet who is around them,

Lots to put their kids first but the situations I've just described as not unusual either