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Original poster

Is my boyfriend making excuses not to buy a house with me?

160 replies

LemonBelly · 19/02/2026 09:06

I own my own house, have done for 4 years now. My boyfriend rents and has a preteen daughter.

We decided this year, after lots of thought and discussion, we want to move in together and want to buy rather than rent. We spend most of the time between each others houses anyway but live an hour apart, we are very much a family without the joint house right now.

We chatted about timings and set loose plans that spring is a good time to sell/buy so the first step for me was to get my house valued, which I did. My boyfriend owns his own business and has done for nearly 3 years, but from what I understand he doesn’t take much of a monthly wage, he only takes what he needs and leaves as much as he can within the business. He was concerned that it would be hard to get a mortgage without proof of income but I did a bit of research and it’s not as black and white as that, they can look at the business income etc.

He said his next steps were to file his tax returns and then meet with his accountant. I waited a couple of weeks since that conversation and then asked him how it all went, he said fine and yes he met with his accountant who said all should be fine for a mortgage. And that was the end of that. I asked him a couple of days later what the next steps are, because I don’t want to put my house on the market too hastily, he said he’s waiting to hear back about his tax stuff and then he will let me know and we can book a meeting in with my mortgage advisor. But gave no timelines and no real commitment. It’s hard to explain but he was very flippant about it.

I decided to communicate to him that I felt like he wasn’t as in to this as I am and that it’s fine if he wants to wait, but he said no he would move in with me tomorrow if he could.

I don’t know why I feel so bothered by it, because he’s saying the right things and is doing things to progress. Maybe it’s my lack of understanding about how it works when you own a business or a bit of insecurity. I don’t know what I’m asking for really, some reassurance that I’m going mad and overthinking

OP posts:
plentyofsunshine · 19/02/2026 09:24

I expect he hasn't been filing his tax returns. Or he's been filing them but putting a very minimum income on them (whether true or not). Either of these will mean he could only borrow a small amount or possibly nothing.

What line of business is he in and how long has he had that business?

He passed all the affordability checks for a rental so thats a good start. I hope he's not hankering after you buying the property but putting it in both your names "because they won't give me a mortgage because i'm self employed".

Toddlerteaplease · 19/02/2026 09:23

Do you want to be a full on step mum?

MiaKulper · 19/02/2026 09:21

Do you have children of your own? Do you plan to have any with him?
Are you aware of the pros and cons of a blended family and step-parenting?

Tikitaka20 · 19/02/2026 09:21

Is there any chance you could rent your house out and also buy with him? I know that’s a big ask, but that would be good for your security just in case you needed extra peace of mind.

WelshRabBite · 19/02/2026 09:20

You’re giving up a lot here.

You have home-security currently. Any gain in equity you’ve had over the last four years (if there is any because house prices have dropped in many areas) could potentially be wiped out by the stamp duty on your next house and other moving costs.

You haven’t actually tried living together full time yet, what if his DD doesn’t enjoy living with you? Preteens is a REALLY tricky age and comes with massive hormonal fluctuations, a changing body and pressure in the run up to exams etc. Does SHE want this house move?

You could buy a house together (presumably nearer his area so his DD can continue at the same school), find you don’t like the area, his DD hates living with her Dad’s GF and you’ve spent all your money moving and are tied to the house and mortgage indefinitely.

Add into that the fact that your BF doesn’t seem that keen on the move anyway. Have you really thought this through?

Tessasanderson · 19/02/2026 09:19

Sounds to me like you are slightly different paths at present. The timescales you have given (you only bought your house 4 years ago) suggest you are maybe 2 years or less into a relationship. He has a lot going on with his business and he has other priorities with his preteen daughter.

It doesnt sound wrong from either perspective but from what i read he isnt in a place to join his finances in the way you would prefer. He is being quite sensible whilst maybe being a bit of a wimp not being clear with you.

My suggestion would be to look at renting your own place out and look at renting a place together. That way he hasnt got the commitment you are asking for but you give living together a proper go without you risking it all as well.

Either that or if you push my expectation is he will walk away from the relationship.

CelticSilver · 19/02/2026 09:12

How old is his daughter?

CelticSilver · 19/02/2026 09:12

How long have you been together?

researchers3 · 19/02/2026 09:11

LemonBelly · 19/02/2026 09:06

I own my own house, have done for 4 years now. My boyfriend rents and has a preteen daughter.

We decided this year, after lots of thought and discussion, we want to move in together and want to buy rather than rent. We spend most of the time between each others houses anyway but live an hour apart, we are very much a family without the joint house right now.

We chatted about timings and set loose plans that spring is a good time to sell/buy so the first step for me was to get my house valued, which I did. My boyfriend owns his own business and has done for nearly 3 years, but from what I understand he doesn’t take much of a monthly wage, he only takes what he needs and leaves as much as he can within the business. He was concerned that it would be hard to get a mortgage without proof of income but I did a bit of research and it’s not as black and white as that, they can look at the business income etc.

He said his next steps were to file his tax returns and then meet with his accountant. I waited a couple of weeks since that conversation and then asked him how it all went, he said fine and yes he met with his accountant who said all should be fine for a mortgage. And that was the end of that. I asked him a couple of days later what the next steps are, because I don’t want to put my house on the market too hastily, he said he’s waiting to hear back about his tax stuff and then he will let me know and we can book a meeting in with my mortgage advisor. But gave no timelines and no real commitment. It’s hard to explain but he was very flippant about it.

I decided to communicate to him that I felt like he wasn’t as in to this as I am and that it’s fine if he wants to wait, but he said no he would move in with me tomorrow if he could.

I don’t know why I feel so bothered by it, because he’s saying the right things and is doing things to progress. Maybe it’s my lack of understanding about how it works when you own a business or a bit of insecurity. I don’t know what I’m asking for really, some reassurance that I’m going mad and overthinking

It's really hard to know without knowing him.

Can I ask, has he been married? And if so is he fully divorced and an Financial order in place? As youre making yourself vulnerable if not.

I would stop mentioning the move for at least a month. Youre right about listening to his behaviour rather than his words. Be cool on it and see what happens.

Also, if you agreed Spring, thats more like April tbf.

sundayvibeswig22 · 19/02/2026 09:11

What tax stuff is he waiting on? If he’s filed his recent return he should be able to get his SA302 online, and the ones from previous years which is proof of income. Is he trying to hide his salary?