Is my boyfriend making excuses not to buy a house with me?

Don't give up your home. You have financial security by having your own property with equity.

Giving that up is a huge risk in my opinion. Especially as your partner is not putting the same into your joint purchase.

As a minimum I'd have a period of time living together in your house to see how you get along 24/7.

My suggestion would be to rent out your property and buy together equally if you really must buy together now. I know you've dismissed this opinion but I strongly suggest you reconsider.

You can use your rental income for mortgage payments so effectively still using your existing home to fund the purchase but whilst keeping the property.

If an accountant submits on your behalf you can’t always get them on line. I am a mortgage broker and this time of year is a nightmare for accounts

I would leave it for another year. Let the preteen become full teen and assess if your relationship is still working with her.

Honestly, based on what you have said, the matter doesn't strike me as being happy, settled or mutually decided on just yet. Instinctively it seem that neither of you is 100% sure about it. Yet.

As a single person with my own house, much older than you, I have a partner of over 20 years, and neither of us have sold our houses to live together. It's not for everyone. We each value our independence and the security of owning our own homes outright. Our arrangement is similar to your current one, and it works absolutely fine, in fact it's probably the best recipe for a good relationship! No children in the mix though, which should make it easier, but we are happy as we are.

Hold on to your security, and park the process for twelve months is my advice.

I cannot crawl into his head, OP, however, owning my own (house, apartment), I couldn't think of one reason to buy a living place with a man, if not necessarily to survive.

It's not sounding good. If he doesn't take much wage (and I expect he's paying himself minimum wage) AND he's paying a good amount of child support then he's not going to be able to borrow much (if indeed he can get a mortgage).

It sounds to me that - if you already own a house - you will be putting in more financially than he will. I would be careful in case things don't work out.

Don’t do it.

Also - and I don’t know if this was a typo - ‘tax returns’ with an ‘s’. Don’t you have to do them every year? So it should be ‘tax return’

You're putting your current relative security at risk, for someone who is at best evasive about your future together.
Simple answer: DON'T!!

@plentyofsunshine I expect he hasn't been filing his tax returns. Or he's been filing them but putting a very minimum income on them (whether true or not). Either of these will mean he could only borrow a small amount or possibly nothing.

Yes, it sounds like that. Has he been taking payments in cash and not declaring it on his returns? That would leave him with a very low official salary for mortgage (or maintenance) calculations.

Or 'leaving money in the business' can also be a way of saying there is no money in the business for him to take a proper salary. It doesn't sound great either way and I'd be careful about tying myself to him financially.

For goodness sake, don’t buy together unless you’ve seen a solicitor and agreed the basis on which you’re buying together, contributing to costs and what would happen if you separate. Approach this like a business transaction. Because that’s what it is.

I think you’ve missed a bullet with his faffing. Keep your own house.

We don’t know him op, but this procrastination is potentially because he is an abhorrent human being who has been hiding his actual income to both avoid paying taxes, and to avoid paying the correct maintenance amount to his ex. Only potentially of course, he may well be wonderful and is just waiting for whatever as he says. I would sit back and watch a bit first.

Your opening post reads like a list of reasons for you to not do this. 🚩

Keep the security that you have with your own house and don't endanger that by going in with a self employed boyfriend who either makes no money or who has been false accounting to make it look like he has no money.

There might be something he isn't telling you perhaps? Is he secretive about things like his child support arrangements or income or debts?

You would be insane to sell your home in order to set up a home with someone like this. God knows what he's up to financially but it's obvious that he will not be able to get a mortgage. Why would you give up all your security to move in with him and his daughter when you haven't lived together before, he clearly isn't transparent financially and the odds are his daughter won't want to live with you anyway? Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to break up? You would be the one to move out - you know that, don't you?

Sounds like some or all of his tax returns may have been filed late, so he may be worried about an HMRC investigation. It certainly sounds like he isn't financially ready to buy, at least. OP, I would stay where you are for a few years, and then rethink when the daughter has left school. If this relationship is meant to be, it will survive and you will still have lots of years in a joint house.

What’s happening with the equity on your home, are you protecting that?

Its not clear how long you have been together but unless he was contributing an equal share and earns the same as me there is no way I’d be risking my home to go in with someone who was self employed, no previous home ownership and didn’t seem that keen.

Also this, and it’s very common because the CSA can’t do anything about it

I’m not sure if it’s procrastination or he is just working on his own schedule.

Either way though I would think very carefully about selling your own house and throwing in your lot with him and his daughter though. You have your own independence and financial stability. Don’t throw this away lightly especially if you’ve already got niggles that all may not be well.

Can you rent your place out and rent with him first? Or if you like the new area, just sell your place and buy a new one in just your name? Or could he get somewhere himself and you just move in with him for a bit- and look to buy together in a few years?

I’d also completely back off on the plans for the time being while you think things through- you’ve done your bit, now it’s time for him to get his house in order.

I came to say all these things

Would be waiting to get a mortgage in principle with him before putting your house on the market.

But it sounds like he pays himself the minimum so he doesn’t have to give his ex much which is a bit of a red flag

Just to say - I don’t know the legal implications these days but many years ago before we married, DH and I bought a flat together. I put up the deposit from sale of my previous flat, and his (higher) salary gave us the ability to borrow a decent amount, far more than I could have achieved alone. We saw a solicitor and signed legal documents which specified who would get what when we sold, in case things went sour. Can’t remember the full details but I think I was due to get a higher proportion of any uplift to start with (as I had put more ££ into the property) but over time that proportion changed as he put more ££ monthly. In the end we married so didn’t use the arrangement, but it was reassuring to know already that we would have had no issues down the line.

Also, I agree with PP - don’t push it with your DP. Wait and see what he says and does - this will tell you a lot about how he feels. I can’t see how it will benefit you to rush things if he’s not ready as you have a lot more to lose in terms of your stability, cost of buying/selling etc.

Hope it all goes well for you :-)