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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I am being demoted?

87 replies

constantlylactating · 18/02/2026 21:33

I have worked for a medium sized organisation for the past 5 years. Almost immediately after starting I was given someone to line manage, and I have since built the team from scratch.

I am seen as a senior member of staff, with only my manager between myself and the CEO. I make all of the decisions for my department, in terms of setting the workload, planning out the year ahead month by month. I hold the budget and put together the full income and expenditure budget for the year. I pull together proposals for the board, including intricate income projection figures. Basically, if it's anything to do with my department I have the final say. Obviously my manager can and does suggest things, but he appreciates that I have the experience in this niche area where he does not.

At the start of the year my manager informed me that a new role was being created, sitting in between myself and him- an obvious step up for me, career wise. He said it needed to go external, but that I could also apply.

Recruitment is being handled by a 3rd party, and after an initial chat with them today it turns out that no, I am not being encouraged to apply. There are already 'plenty of applicants with more experience' and the recruiter does not recommend I apply as she does not believe I would even get an interview (?!).

I asked for clarity from my manager and he admitted that no, he does not see me in that role. He said he didn't want to be the one to tell me, which is why he used a 3rd party recruiter.

I will admit, I found both conversations very demotivating.

I have been told my current job is safe. On the surface not much will change for me, AFAIK my job description is not being rewritten. However surely so much of it will change?

I will no longer be the budget holder, no longer the decision maker? I am not even sure if I will retain line management responsibility.

I don't know what to do or how to feel. My manager wants a chat with me next week and I don't even know if I should raise my concerns to him, as it is too late, the job has now been advertised.

IABU - no, you're being too precious/emotional
YANBU - yes it does sound like a demotion.

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 18/02/2026 23:15

If they truly valued you they could have recruited someone under you who did have knowledge of area B to then assist you with the things you dont currently do. You could have then continued with the management side of it plus area A. dd

Abitofalark · 18/02/2026 22:50

Did you glean anything from the particular personal qualities and attributes they specify in the ad - I mean apart from the experience and skills? Did it give you any strong impression or image of the type of person they're seeking and how far did it seem to match you or not?

shuffleofftobuffalo · 18/02/2026 22:44

I’d not spend my time applying for the role. They couldn’t be clearer from their actions that they don’t want you in the role. However well you think you’re doing (and I’m sure you’re doing just fine) they don’t want you having the level of control you have and/or personally don’t want you (I think the former and a bit of the latter). Telltale sign from your OP is your manager “appreciates” you have the expertise as he doesn’t. I imagine he doesn’t like that and possibly feels nervous things aren’t going as well as they look, but lacks the expertise to judge either way.

FlashingFairyLight · 18/02/2026 22:41

Absolutely apply.
If you're not successful, you know your time here is over & you did everything in your power to stay in a role you enjoyed.

You don't have to rush - best case scenario, the new person may be a great manager, a decent person & give you the breathing space to start learning skill B for the future.
If they're not, get out & take your skills with you.

But you've got the measure of the gutless wonder who is your LM.

freakingscared · 18/02/2026 22:41

Never stay in a company where progression seems impossible and from what you say you would be good for this role . I agree with looking for something somewhere you will be appreciated . I’m so sorry

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/02/2026 22:31

LivingTheThighLife · 18/02/2026 22:21

@constantlylactating I've been in a very similar position. I think your time at that organisation is over - I’m so sorry 💐

  1. as per pps - apply for the new role anyway
  2. speak to recruiters and get yourself out there
  3. consult an employment lawyer- you may have grounds to negotiate an exit package
  4. if you don’t get the new role (sorry, I expect you won’t) work to rule/ do the bare minimum, refuse to train up the new boss (not in your job description and clearly beyond your skills)
  5. Leave with your head held high. (And take any good staff with you 😜)

More articulate version of mine but yes, this.

They dont want you in the role for whatever reason so you wont get it but it makes so much more awkward for them legally.

This feels so personal when it happens and so hurtful but it's really quite universal...

Similar happened to me... I was a rising star for 5 years... (went from 60k to 115k in that time) they basically gave away half my team the only reason i even knew so wasnt totally humiliated / blind sided in a 40 person meeting was a woman/ friend in HR gave me the heads up.
I left and 5 yrs on had doubled my salary again (I earned well over 200k last year)

I know many others with similar stories like this.

Fuck 'em. Take your talents where they are valued.

Littlemisscapable · 18/02/2026 22:31

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 18/02/2026 22:09

Apply anyway. I cannot stress this strongly enough. Apply and give the best account of yourself in that process. You owe it to yourself. Do not let them bully you into it applying and considering your application.

This. You must apply. You will make life far too easy for them if you don't and there will be an audit trail. If you meet the criteria how dare they suggest you cant apply!

AnSolas · 18/02/2026 22:23

constantlylactating · 18/02/2026 22:05

Not much more money in it actually, only 4k, which I find odd.

No qualifications missing, it is purely that this role straddles two areas, and I focus mainly on one area with some of the second, whereas my manager had said he wants someone with existing experience managing that second area.

We haven't previously had the budget for me to invest more in that area, which is why it has been less of a priority.

In larger organisations these would be two separate roles, with separate teams. It is unusual to see it set up the way this new job has been.

Ok for 4k then they either have someone in mind or are just not willing to promote you (bluntly sorry).

You took your area and built a department and have shown you are team player as you are willing to take on out of department functions.

Look at the job market but dont feel obligated to jump until you find the right fit for your next and next promotion. And be ruthless in looking out for yourself.

It was very foolish of them to make it clear that you will not be given the job as it demotivates you. Do a little digging to make sure they are not pushing you out as a cost saver too. But I would apply anyway as its CV and interview prep.

Good luck

MummyMcMumington · 18/02/2026 22:23

I would also say you’re at an advantage because you already know the business, so definitely apply. One error some leaders make is that you are so good at what you do, they don’t want to lose you, so stop your promotions. Ask yourself this question, putting your feelings to one side, that you like the job and don’t want to leave. What are you wanting to achieve from this? Is this just a job that you’re happy in? Do you want to progress within this company, how far up the chain can you go and will that be ‘enough’ for you? Is this a stepping stone to bigger things?

LivingTheThighLife · 18/02/2026 22:21

@constantlylactating I've been in a very similar position. I think your time at that organisation is over - I’m so sorry 💐

  1. as per pps - apply for the new role anyway
  2. speak to recruiters and get yourself out there
  3. consult an employment lawyer- you may have grounds to negotiate an exit package
  4. if you don’t get the new role (sorry, I expect you won’t) work to rule/ do the bare minimum, refuse to train up the new boss (not in your job description and clearly beyond your skills)
  5. Leave with your head held high. (And take any good staff with you 😜)
BlueMum16 · 18/02/2026 22:17

Apply anyway.

The job market is hard. You may be successful. You may not.

Full training to be given. You will excel on some questions. If they use a point scoring system you might score higher. It's unknown.

I would make them say someone is more suitable and if that happens look for another job.

YourGreenCat · 18/02/2026 22:11

100% do apply for the new role for a start

and start applying elsewhere too.

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 18/02/2026 22:09

Apply anyway. I cannot stress this strongly enough. Apply and give the best account of yourself in that process. You owe it to yourself. Do not let them bully you into it applying and considering your application.

constantlylactating · 18/02/2026 22:09

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/02/2026 22:06

What absolute fuckers they are....
As if they couldnt have trained up in B if its soooo integral as part of your career development plan

Take this as your sign....you had a good run but its coming to a close now.

100% apply anyway with no intention of taking the job.

Get your CV out there and when you get the new job offer be sure push for garden leave, do the absolute minimum to "train" the new hire. Id walk them through existing processes and let them "ask any questions" and that would be about it.

In the job description it even says full training will be given where necessary!! Hence why I thought although I didn't have as much experience of B, that wouldn't be a barrier to my applying.

OP posts:
constantlylactating · 18/02/2026 22:06

MummyMcMumington · 18/02/2026 22:02

I’ve been there. Is there a potential merger or acquisition on the horizon? Can you use this as a learning opportunity to gain better experience in B? Whenever I have had someone come in ‘above’ me, I make sure they are aware of my duties and I task them with other duties I’m happy to pass over, insurance, HR etc. Make sure you align with the CEO, line managers are usually out for themselves.

No idea re acquisition but that is great advice thank you.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/02/2026 22:06

What absolute fuckers they are....
As if they couldnt have trained up in B if its soooo integral as part of your career development plan

Take this as your sign....you had a good run but its coming to a close now.

100% apply anyway with no intention of taking the job.

Get your CV out there and when you get the new job offer be sure push for garden leave, do the absolute minimum to "train" the new hire. Id walk them through existing processes and let them "ask any questions" and that would be about it.

JustMyView13 · 18/02/2026 22:06

You should apply.
They're encouraging you not to, because it makes their lives easier. In the future, they can say (and the audit trails will back it up) that a promotion opportunity came up but you showed no interest, and did not apply. If you apply, they’ll have to document their reasons to reject you, which may be helpful if they ultimately plan to manage you out.

Vaxtable · 18/02/2026 22:06

I would have a long conversation next week. Ask exactly what this new role will do

if it’s taking your stuff off you ask why when you have done it well for years and as you are already doing the role why can’t you apply

i might even apply anyway

if the say they are taking stuff of you to hand to someone more experienced you would not expect to do any training of the new candidate

I would also be honest and telll them that they have completely demotivated you and that you will be looking for a new job

i would then do the bare minimum that have treated you badly

constantlylactating · 18/02/2026 22:05

AnSolas · 18/02/2026 22:00

Yep unfortunatly you are being demoted to the "deputy (right hand reporting to the new boss) head of the department. So yes you have reached the end of the progression in that company.

Before doing up your CV what are you missing to not be given the job?

As Duvetdayneeded suggested list your role against the new role and your qualifications against the ad. How much more money is involved?

You did the job with no official title.

Is the official title an important thing in your industry?
Are you missing qualifications or training?

Are you going to look for a new job at your current level or look to move up?

If you are missing a title or training would it be better for you long term to stay and hand off your responsibility for a year or so in exchange for an official title for your current level of role and company paid training.

Plus the new person has knowledge you dont have using them as a mentor may be smart to add to your CV

You have an opening as your manager is a woose and feeling guilty use it to your advantage if it will be better for your long term career.

Not much more money in it actually, only 4k, which I find odd.

No qualifications missing, it is purely that this role straddles two areas, and I focus mainly on one area with some of the second, whereas my manager had said he wants someone with existing experience managing that second area.

We haven't previously had the budget for me to invest more in that area, which is why it has been less of a priority.

In larger organisations these would be two separate roles, with separate teams. It is unusual to see it set up the way this new job has been.

OP posts:
Ragamuffin8 · 18/02/2026 22:04

Scarydinosaurs · 18/02/2026 21:46

If the new role and your role cross over, legally are they on dodgy ground?

I would seek legal advice before you speak to your manager.

Try calling ACAS.

This.

You could have a case for constructive dismissal in which case you’d be entitled to a settlement/payment.

MummyMcMumington · 18/02/2026 22:02

I’ve been there. Is there a potential merger or acquisition on the horizon? Can you use this as a learning opportunity to gain better experience in B? Whenever I have had someone come in ‘above’ me, I make sure they are aware of my duties and I task them with other duties I’m happy to pass over, insurance, HR etc. Make sure you align with the CEO, line managers are usually out for themselves.

AnSolas · 18/02/2026 22:00

Yep unfortunatly you are being demoted to the "deputy (right hand reporting to the new boss) head of the department. So yes you have reached the end of the progression in that company.

Before doing up your CV what are you missing to not be given the job?

As Duvetdayneeded suggested list your role against the new role and your qualifications against the ad. How much more money is involved?

You did the job with no official title.

Is the official title an important thing in your industry?
Are you missing qualifications or training?

Are you going to look for a new job at your current level or look to move up?

If you are missing a title or training would it be better for you long term to stay and hand off your responsibility for a year or so in exchange for an official title for your current level of role and company paid training.

Plus the new person has knowledge you dont have using them as a mentor may be smart to add to your CV

You have an opening as your manager is a woose and feeling guilty use it to your advantage if it will be better for your long term career.

Silvertulips · 18/02/2026 21:59

Does he have a frond he wants to recruit?

Your manager sounds rubbish if he can’t have a difficult conversation with you, even if it’s to alleviate some fears and keep you on side.

constantlylactating · 18/02/2026 21:58

Clarinet1 · 18/02/2026 21:56

I’ve been through similar situations in the past. I found that someone else was give some of my role but I was then expected to “Show them the ropes”! I wasn’t quite petty enough to say it but how could I train someone to do things I wasn’t considered capable of doing myself?
As PPs have said, I suggest you apply for the new role (so no one can say they thought you didn’t want it) but also get CVs out and contact ACAS.

This is it, will i be expected to teach this person how to run my team? The way this new job has been put together is unusual in my area, I have not seen it written like this before.

OP posts:
LoveItaly · 18/02/2026 21:58

That does sound rubbish, I feel for you. I think that it’s been handled very poorly and your manager sounds rather weak, he should have had the guts to talk to you about it first. I would be updating my CV and looking for a new job, if I were you.