Boyfriend and his priorities..

You “have his clothes clean”?? JFC. 🤦‍♀️ why are you behaving like a skivvy for this guy?

He's a selfish man who has told you he's going to continue to be selfish. Why are you compromising yourself to be with him? You have no reason to stay, no life outside work and no friends in that country. You need to end the relationship and go home, learn to drive and start living your life for you.

@backtoplana Can you work from home in the UK?
Speak to your parents about moving back home whilst you get sorted. Then book a week of annual leave, pack up & ship your stuff to parents & leave.

He is not treating you as an equal partner. If you are on his priority list, it's at the bottom.

You are young. You deserve more. You can start over. Raise your bar above the ground next time & get with someone who treats you right.

He’s a user.

Bin him.

Well I don’t disagree with that. But it feels like OP needs him to tell her even more directly than he already has!!

Instead of pratting about with this loser, she needs to pack her bags and come home.

As asked by multiple posts; what do you get from this "relationship ".

I see everything he gets, what do you get?

Honestly i'd would be making plans to exit. He doesnt luke yiu, he doesnt want to spend time with you, he sounds like he actually dislikes you. You stop him from spending time doing what he wants to do?? what the actual fuck? I think id have walked out there and then if my husband said that to me. He is actively telling you by his words and his actions that you are not involved in any activities he wants to prioritise.

But at least he has a live in maid who contributes to the bills.

This is a perfect example of where a man has literally told you exactly who he is. The decision is now yours OP: either you take him at his word and break up because you don’t want to spend your life being his unpaid skivvy, or you stay and spend the rest of your life trying to change him into a decent human being.

I meant to catch him out

’look darling, I’ve done everything while you are upskilling so I can come on your walk with you every night! Isn’t that amazing’ - I bet his response will be very telling!!

(also - is it him going on about ‘upskilling’? Because if it is then he’s an even bigger knob)

bollocks to that. OP does all the housework and cooking while he faffs around?

OP - are you in a particularly macho country right now? is there a cultural difference between you and your bf?

Kindly, I don't think you're a priority to him. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that. It must be incredibly isolating to you.

If you don't mind me asking, where did you move to? My sister moved to abroad recently, not knowing anyone in the new country, and has joined a lot of expat groups etc which have allowed her to meet a lot of people.

You’d be unreasonable not to dump him and move on asap.

Actually I think I’d be tempted to get everything done by the time he’s finished his upskilling (as you have the extra 2 hours) and have your walking boots on ready to go when he’s home

i think his true colours would come out pretty quick!!

Ask him to upskill his housework abilities by doing some cooking, cleaning and washing. He's taking you for a total mug I'm sorry to say - you're not his girlfriend, you're his live-in housekeeper. Stop doing all the house chores.

Honestly, what is the point of being with him? He doesn't want to spend any time with you. He basically has a live in cook and cleaner he can have sex with. But actively chooses to spend his time elsewhere. For Christ's sake don't have kids with him!

so? he will be in the office and you'll be leaving 2 hours early - you can eat then. And then when you are both wallowing in shit, you can tell him there is no more walking alone or together until it's clean.

Frankly? leave.

I very, very rarely echo the "leave him" comments as often they are just unnecessary.

But in this instance - leave him, go back to your family if you can.

This is not, and sounds like it will never be, a caring sharing partnership. The longer you spend wasting your life with him, the less life you will have to make another, better, life somewhere else with someone else.

This isn’t a good relationship OP. He doesn’t want to spend time with you, and he doesn’t respect you.

Don’t make your life small just to try to stay in a bad relationship, you’re wasting your life. Can you afford to live on your own/with flatmates in the country you’ve moved to? If not, can you think about coming home?

Separately, how does dinner and chores for two people without kids take up the entire evening every day?! You obviously shouldn’t be doing it all, but surely it’s no more than an hour an night to make dinner and do one chore a night like a load of laundry or a clean round the bathroom?

You seem to have moved countries to be an unpaid housekeeper to a man you don’t know very well.

If you both can’t drive why didn’t you move to a sizeable town with transport?

None of this seems well thought out. Did you fall for the romance of moving abroad for a man?

As you work from home it should be easy enough to book a one way ticket home.

He’s moved for work and brought you with him to make his life easier. Bin him and go home, you are not his maid.

Have you moved to your bf's country, or is it one new to you both? What about the language - do you speak it? Does he? Tbh, my heart sank when I read your post. The situation is a red flag for an abuser. They move you far from family and friends in order to isolate you. I hope I'm wrong. I wish you clear sightedness.

Ramadan hours?

I think this is doomed, sorry. He doesn’t like you enough to spend his downtime with you, he doesn’t care enough that you’re isolated & miserable to compromise, & he’s signalling loud & clear that he’d be a shit, hands off dad.

I would call it a day now, if you want to be in a relationship with a long term future. Even if you don’t, he’s making you unhappy in the short term - so what’s the point?

He has told you that you, or children, don't factor into his plans. Believe him.

Do you think he's avoiding you by staying at work for two hours when he doesn't have to and then walking for another two?

You should just move home to where you have family and friends and forget this loser.

What would happen if you say, went to the gym or equivalent and didn't do the housework and he came back to an empty house with all the housework and cooking to do? Have you tried this?

You are not one of his priorities.

Your children would not be one of his priorities.

Cut your losses and leave. He has no intention of adjusting his behaviour, and you are not being unreasonable to expect to be a priority within your relationship. There's no future if you are not working towards the same goals, and he is not on the same team as you. You cannot fix this. It sucks, but it's not going to get any better.