Friend disagrees with everything I say and I’m really fed up with it

I had an insanely jealous friend who did this all the time. It just made me not want to hang out with her anymore because she was constantly fact checking me or questioning anything I said. I don’t miss her at all.

Honestly life is challenging enough without choosing to be friends with someone like this. What is the benefit of it. I would just stop seeing them!

Do it to her. See how she likes it. You could have a laugh with it.

You're not wrong actually - she had a big issue with the thought of me voting in the Scottish Indyref, as I "wasn't Scottish", despite me being a naturalised Brit and Scottish resident who was perfectly entitled to vote.
She doesn't see it though, she considers herself very left-wing.

Oh the perpetual ’Devils Advocates’ are intolerable lol

Was coming to say the same , she just does it for the sake of it

@SpaceRaccoon😵😵😵 That’s not a contrarian that’s a racist.

You have a contrarian. I had a friend like that, who also knew better than anyone else, to the point where she claimed to know far more than me about a sport/hobby I was into. Her reasoning? She was born here, I'm an immigrant, therefore she must magically know more about anything at all that happens in "her" country.

You pulled her up on trying to see the positives in a shit situation?? Pardon??

To be fair, the first two examples you gave are just conversation in my opinion; But the last one re: cycling is definitely antagonistic.
I think there’s a fine line between just giving your opinion on something after someone has just given theirs on say, a film you both just watched for example. To actually full on disagreeing with you or shooting down your opinion and declaring theirs more valid.

I have one that is ‘just playing the devil’s advocate’ too, but the thing is, he never actually does! He’s never genuinely trying to get me to see things from the other side, for my benefit. He just disagrees with me -
”I liked that meal out but it was slightly over seasoned”
“It wasn’t, it was just how I like it”

“I really enjoyed that film”
“It was ok but not as good as X”

“I went cycling on the weekend”
“Wouldn’t have done that - don’t like cycling”

On and on, it’s so boring. Very tempted to just sack it in.

I’m not saying it’s the OP’s job. Just I suspect she has no idea she’s infuriating because nobody ever tells her to pack it in.

You’re doing it all wrong.. let her disagree and then you agree with her and say ‘good point’ and then ‘great point again!’ the next time - it sounds like she’s just bitter and looking for a reaction

This is a really interesting thread. Surely if she wanted a debate, or to be a peace keeper and show another perspective, she could acknowledge she agreed with OP and then go on to express the alternative view point and they could have a decent conversation but it seems she is contrary.

I know sometimes she genuinely might disagree but for it to be all the time demonstrates totally different values and enough common ground for a friendship to flourish, doesn’t it?

It’s been interesting to me because after our divorce my ex-h admitted he deliberately started and/or caused arguments because he enjoyed them! I still feel “WTF!” over a decade later. @3coffeesplease - sounds like she’s one of these, no wonder you’ve had enough.

I have a friend who does this. It feels so negative when it’s constant, so I get it. I’m always in the wrong. My actions/behaviour/feelings are never valid, it’s always my fault/problem/issue/cause.

Recently I pulled her up on it and she said she was just playing the devils advocate. This is just a part she’s comfortable with and is committed to. It’s who she is. Now that I know that, I don’t ask her opinions on much and I’m very mindful with what I share with her, as I can already predict which was it will go, so it’s pointless. It will be heavily bias, never in my favour.

I think this is what you may need to accept also….

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but I’d have no time and energy for this. She sounds exhausting , and life is too short for spending time with people like her.

It sounds like she is a contrarian, and very annoying.

I'm not saying this is the case with you, but does she mainly do it in examples like the above, where you are complaining about something? Nothing wrong with a moan to a friend but some people make sharing problems a go to in conversation and with those people I am more likely to offer a contrary view, especially if the moan exceeds a few minutes and a few rounds of sympathetic replies from me.

Some people - often intelligent people who enjoy law and philology etc - love to play devil’s advocate and disagree / debate things for their own amusement. They may not believe what they are arguing - they just fancy trying a new angle. It can be utterly infuriating to interact with them because, as you say, they’ll take something you think is clear cut and unquestionable and they’ll look for something to challenge and disagree with. It can come as a shock to them to learn how irritating they are being to others, but it’s the only way to get them to think about whether they need to be contrary for the sake of it or if they should just shut up and listen.

Is she like this with everyone or just with you?

Thats a very enabling view?

Its not OPs responsibility to inform her or participate in fixing her. If OP raises this very poor behaviour - that just opens debate and defensive behaviour from the friend. Its hardly like she is going to go - oh yes of course I do, silly me! ill stop forthwith right away!

She knows. Learned or not; her behaviour is her responsibility, no one elses.

I totally empathise as I have a friend the same . If I wasn’t so placid and can’t be bothered to debate everything out friendship would be over . In truth i
just make sure I don’t go out with her alone . Another friend shares the burden .

Really annoying. Either ditch her or ask her why she does it?

I ended a long time friendship with a male friend who turned like this over the period of a year or so. Turned out he’d become an online troll! He was even bragging about how he picks on posters on Facebook and how he “wind them up them kick off” & “argue with everything they say just to watch them get pissed off” - Could there be a bit of this going on with your friend op?

Ah the contrary Poindexter type. I just limit contact with people like this as it’s exhausting.

Oh same! My ex was a total devil's advocate (really, really smart person on paper - Oxbridge educated, etc.) he just loved debate far too much and didn't know when to stop it from turning into an argument - or how bloody irritating it was. Hence he is an ex! I didn't have the energy or enthusiasm for it, no matter how good a kisser he was (we did lots of kissing - one way to get him to shut up).