Aibu to find this a bit weird? Ds school friend

This is crazy. DD had a school friend whose dad was a baronet. They lived in a proper stately home with miles of parkland. That girl loved coming to our (normal) house for pasta and a game of Twister.

Your son is locked and she sees him as a banker. The other boys/families are still up for grabs so she's making the effort to win them over and expand her sons friendship group. She doesn't think she has to make that effort for your son.

People get weird over play date politics

We have similar going on. Was happy to help a family out with lifts, having their child over when they were working… my child never had an invite back and I didn’t mind as I knew they were busy people, working lots (I don’t work) so wouldn’t have time to have my child back, and I generally don’t ask to expect an invite back. However, it turns out they’re always having other children over and having sleepovers and not once has my child been invited. I’ve pulled right back and rarely speak to them now. I’m not confrontational but if they did ask if there was a problem I think I would tell them I felt used (I wouldn’t be angry or upset, just factual).

Free childcare?

This! Even in cities children can live 3 or 4 miles from friends.Although these boys are year 6 they’re still 10/11 yrs old and may need transport and at least checking if their friends are actually at home

say you’ve got an appointment and souls she mind if your son went to hers after school for a play date then i guess you’ll see!

I literally was just about to post this as being a potential reason- abusive 'non school' parent. Siblings that might have sen and have different behaviours, elderly relatives that might live there and need caring for. I remember being petrified of my friends grandmother as a child because she could only speak Italian and I thought she was shouting at me 🤣

I never had my friends over after the age of about 11 because my house was the smallest out of all of my friends, and also cos my dad was abusive. I was ashamed of these things and couldn’t bear the thought of my friends finding out. Any friends that did come over (hardly any) were because my parents knew their parents rather than it being my choice. Looking back I realise it must have seemed really strange to the other families. I’m so grateful no one said anything. Maybe there’s stuff going on that you don’t know about, although most probably it’s just that people are busy. I try to invite my kids friends over as much as possible and it’s not reciprocated a huge amount. I know from experience it’s best not to ask

They can't getting punished by not coming to my terraced 3 bed council house 🤣. Punished would be not being invited to parties. I always reciprocate play dates at a soft play etc. This is just until I get to know the parents usually. I live in the only council estate In the schools usual catchment so 90 percent of the kids are all used to going to big massive houses. And yes it was over 15 years ago but it always stuck with me. And my time working schools I've seen behaviour between different financial back grounds. Most wouldnt give this a second thought.

Sorry but this is a really shitty attitude. You are basically punishing certain kids beculause their parents happen to have bought a bigger house than you?!

Those children won't understand why they are never invited over but other children are. You need to get over your own issues over this and stop taking it out on the kids it's not their fault!! I've never heard of anything so silly as only inviting children over who live in a similar size house.

Perhaps DS could say to his friend “ Can you ask your mum if I can come over to your house soon” .
I would stop inviting the boy to your house.

Have you not politely asked the mum?

I don't have my DCs friends over because our house is overcrowded and they have nowhere to play.
I do however make this clear to anyone who invites my DC over that I can't reciprocate and it's never been a problem but we are talking one invitation in a blue moon not every month or two.
I don't think you should have to take DCs friends out on days though if you can't reciprocate because that's quite costly and involves organisation etc. not just chilling together and playing.

If they are year 6 is this a case of the other boys live nearby and just 'knock on' for him? Sometimes go out sometimes come in type thing?

I don't understand playdates beyond the age of 8. Surely unless you live in the middle of nowhere the children just knock for each other.

Regardless if the other boys parents know one another already. Surely if she is happy for her son to come to your house regularly and for you to take them out for the day… would she not ever offer to have him come to their house? All very odd and verging on rude.

I would be annoyed and feel a bit used. Why don’t you ask her if your DC can come over to his friends house? Keep it very casual and see how she responds.

Honestly OP, I would stop invitations and have other children over.
This would annoy me and I wouldn't be making excuses to your son.
Reciprocity is normal in play dates.
Asking other children whilst accepting your invitations, but never returning yours is that womans choice, but I would certainly not ask again.
I would focus on other children.
Most children like play dates and its clear your son would like one.
Whatever her reason, IMO its rude.

However you will have many many on MN to advise you to endlessly entertain this child and never expect it to be returned.

She might already know those mums and enjoy having them over with the dc. I knew loads in primary who only ever invited their own friends over who happened to have dc in the same year, from ante natal groups mainly.

I agree. Perhaps when those boys go they simply go because the mums were all ante natal friends or playgroup friends. So the mums are friends and the bigss get dragged along.

This would piss me off tbh.

My first thoughts , is there is a obvious difference between the way you live? I live in a small house, I rarely invite children for play dates because of it, but I offer to take my child's friends out instead. So, could it be they live in a small.house (possible embarrament, or lack of space) or a less desirable area?

Ds went his mate's house... Sorry mansion. No way was that dc every setting foot in ours!!

Her husband fancies you so she doesnt want you round her house?!

Could be lots of reasons. I don’t orchestrate a lot of play dates. We were often busy with one of us working in the afternoons, older dc has a lot of activities so we’re mostly in the car, I have cancer and frankly don’t have energy, and at the moment due to building works we literally have a kitchen, no lounge or bedrooms, we’re sleeping on mattresses on the floor in one room. It doesn’t mean that some friends don’t appear at the door and then they all play in the garden, but none of them have been invited and it’s not a play date.

Is it possible the mum is trying to encourage new friendships beyond just the ones who come knocking at the door (who neither of them may like)? But maybe isn’t in a position to host.