To end my marriage tomorrow

He is behaving like that because he thinks he financially has you over a barrel.
Time to get ducks in a row and go.
He's horrible. The fact that he will sit in room and read while u doing all the work and then hits the roof when confronted. Yeah that says it all.
Enough. Start over.

Did you read that the OP works too? Oh of course not, why am I even asking.

You know who else is in their 60s? Gary Lineker. Brad Pitt. Colin Firth. 68 and well enough to work 7 days a week, go on holiday alone and socialise several times a week is not an old man.

He’s 68 years of age. 4 times is more than some people have to get up for a newborn at less than half his age. He also has to go to work the next day.
They could still be intimate & then split up.

I feel for both OP & DH in what feels like an impossibly difficult situation.

Seconded, OP. Very easy to shout LTB. There was something in the news recently about how little CM claims are actually enforced, it's shameful. My late mum's health and finances were destroyed after a divorce from my awful birth father and her subsequent redundancy.

Don't rush to leave, really consider if he's cracked under a bad moment. If you can't come back from it, get professional advice on your finances before you do anything. Have you got any family support?

I wondered about topping up his pension too especially as he only started contributing later in life. Staying late at work isn’t that odd I used to work in an office where all the men did this to avoid having to help out with their kids. They wouldn’t go home until they knew all the hard work, bath time etc was done. Could he also be doing overtime?
And as a parent of a disabled child I will be caring for them well beyond my 60’s so tough luck if he finds it tiring. There is no retirement age for a parent carer. Most disabled adults live with their parents.

Read all her posts ffs. Basic decency. If you're going to bother to post such claptrap at least have the bloody patience to read what the OP says on many posts in a huge thread. It really is the least you could do. "oh he's tired, think of the poor tired man." No, he's a class A selfish arsehole with main character energy who is making the OP's life an absolute misery. Which you would know if you had bothered to READ THE FUCKING THREAD.

She. Does. Pretty. Much. Everything. This is a man who would rather stay in his workplace until after bedtime to avoid helping. Who squirrels away over £2000 a month whilst making his wife pay for medical treatment for his daughter. The same wife who paid off the mortgage with her own inheritance and stays in her daughter's room because the very poorly daughter wakes up and needs assistance 4 times a night.

OP - sending you all the strength and love you need. You will get through this. You can get through this. You are an incredible human being with astonishing reserves of strength and determination, you just cannot see it through the fog of misery that your life has become looking after everyone except yourself.

You sound like a brilliant parent OP.

I wonder whether he is using salary sacrifice to load up his pension? Not a bad thing. But if you're married (hopefully you are), you should be able to share in his NHS and teacher's pension.

The kids will ultimately be happier without him in the house

That could also be where the rest of his disposable income is going.

Are you one of those people who reads the first one out of the OP's 92 posts and just has to barrel in with an opinion? If so, please don't.

What he says means nothing. Please don't even think about his opinion of you.

I too felt bad for not leaving sooner. When I was beating myself up about it once, a wise friend said to me, 'Maybe it took this long for you to be sure that this was the only way. It's not a bad thing that you gave it every chance you could.' She was right – these are huge decisions and it can take a very long time before we know what is the best thing to do.

Are you sure the wine is non-alcoholic, or could he be refilling the non-alcoholic bottles with real wine? The volume consumed (in a plausible guise) and the missing time suggests a relapse to me.

I think you’re extraordinary, and you and your kids need to get away from this ghoul.

The OP has said that a) her daughter has a medical alarm and b) it goes off around 4 times a night. So if she doesn’t sleep in with her daughter then she has to get up and go in to see to her 4 times a night.
Note: her husband does none of this night time duty. Maybe if he took on some of the responsibility for it she’d be more inclined to sleep in a bed with him?

OP Whilst I don’t condone your husband’s angry outburst - that was pretty unforgivable - but he’s 68, still working full time, and you said he usually pulls his weight at home. It’s no wonder he gets tired and grumpy. He is 27 years older than you! Can you imagine how you might feel when you are his age? It’s sad that you no longer share a bed. Could you not get some sort of alarm that would alert you to go to your daughter if she was in need? You said you wouldn’t be able to sleep if you were not in with her, but it’s understandable if your husband misses this time with you. Don’t you miss this too?

I dunno much about the alcohol free drinks but 3 or 4 bottles a night sounds excessive? The people i know who are actively sober / in recovery all drink just like juice etc.

I also just wanted to send you a hug. You sound like a very caring, tired and burned out mum. I felt like that and my kids don’t have any additional needs. Its a very lonely place to be and I have good IRL friends and still felt alone.

i also echo what someone above said about nailing this man to the wall. 🙈 Channel this anger. Dont waste loads of time trying to understand him. You will just exhaust yourself and you are already under immense stress. He is who he is, showed his true colours. Use your capacity to get your ducks in a row for your children. It might take months or years but that is ok ❤️

You can't say that, she can't leave him because they can't afford it? She will be able to get support even if its from a domestic abuse service to find somewhere to stay until legal proceedings can be issued. You never ever have to put up with abuse or allow your children to become anxious in an environment where they can sense their own father can'tbe bothered with them. Don't listen to this, you can get support and you would not be left with nothing. At the worst, the house would have to be sold and you'd receive half the money. And you could find suitable temporary accommodation if needed. Sometimes it will be rough for a while until you come out of it and life will be better. He won't be.

What was the medical debt for? I’m assuming your daughter? Why wouldn’t he agree to it?