To end my marriage tomorrow

Don’t worry about the children too much, kids bounce, they really do. Especially if their family is generally happy and steady.

It must feel impossible sometimes with all the additional needs. You both must feel mad with all the stress.

Do you still love each other? Is he genuinely sorry to you and the children?

marriage isn’t all hearts and flowers and instagram shots all the time.It’s sometimes bloody hard work.
It’s good for children to learn that too.

though I get it’s crap that you’ve had this huge row on holiday… just a bad holiday, though , we all have those, even though people don’t talk about them.

it doesn’t have to portend anything else unless you need it too.

Yes I’m aware of that. I also have a disabled child who still wakes multiple times a night, and has done for 8 years. I know how hard that is, and the OP is taking on that burden all by herself. I’m not surprised she doesn’t feel up to a quick shag before she starts her night shift of caring, alongside her day job.
Yes it’s hard. Yes he’s old. It’s also his child, and you have to step up for the children you chose to have.

68 is old. I'm that age and truthfully, I can't do things as fast or as long as I did 5 or 10 years ago. When I was younger I looked at men that age and thought ' God you are slow, what's wrong with you'. Well, it creeps up on you. You find you can't do the same things. Socializing, having a hobby isn't the same as working. I know I couldn't look after kids full time anymore. FWIW I have 2 adult children living with me, they both have disabilities. It's knackering despite the fact that they are adults.
I'm not making excuses for him, just stating that 68 is, actually, old.

I'm not excusing any of the things I've read throughout this thread (the loan for medical expenses, hiding 2k a month etc), but I have to agree with the age thing. My mum is 68 and is going bloody good for her age, but she finds one night with my dd (age 9) absolutely exhausting. She used to have her over for a weekend (Fri and Sat nights) now and then, but a while back that changed to one night sleepovers as she's too old now to do it.

"If her husband felt listened to he wouldn’t have exploded in front of his children - that’s a last resort when the pent up"
I do not think this follows. Plenty people explode and it's not because of the people they've exploded at.

To divorce you have to have a financial settlement statement taking into account needs and allocating assets a mediation service is used by some solicitors. The mediation person sorts and allocates to the same rules as the judge. Proof of monies pensions savings et are required. Money removed isnt taken into account so proof now before solicitor may safeguard yourself.

To divorce you have to have a financial settlement statement taking into account needs and allocating assets a mediation service is used by some solicitors. The mediation person sorts and allocates to the same rules as the judge. Proof of monies pensions savings et are required. Money removed isnt taken into account so proof now before solicitor may safeguard yourself.

That is a lot of non alcoholic wine. There is a small amount of booze n most of them (like 0.5%) so it feels like he’s trying to get some buzz from them by having so much. Are you sure that they are definitely 0% and he’s not filling them with alcohol on the way home?

The reason that they are not recommended in recovery is that they are a slippery slope back to booze. They give you the taste and have some alcohol in them so it is only a skip and a jump back to the normal stuff

Somebody else posted up thread that Child Maintenance is only £3.50 if the person is retired.

Some great advice here OP. Please see a solicitor asap before doing anything, and be mindful of the advice upthread about ensuring that he cannot take his lump sum out of the equation. You need legal help to protect your children’s future. Good luck.

Given that UK life expectancy for men is 79, he's definitely old.

I mean, I get that he was horrible. But he's an old man. I think you need to adjust your expectations if you plan to stay married. Personally, it sounds to me as if you'd both be better off alone.

But you said in one of your posts you think he is more tired in the last while & the kids demand a lot, but by the sounds of things he doesn’t do a huge amount with them anyway. So would he be able to cope with getting up in the night?

I think your blind spot almost about his age really isn’t helping. At your age you can’t understand what it feels like to be 27 years older.

Maybe and it’s just my theory obviously if you approached it with an understanding that he might have less ability to cope it might help you feel less frustrated.

its a good thing he’s addicted to work, that means he won’t retire when you leave

and if he does you will get child support through his pension.

I forget sometimes that blokes like this honestly don't realise how much we hear this shite and they honestly think it's original and funny, or at least incredibly cutting.

Let me guess, your dog has no nose?

I’m in AA ( 18 years ) and his behaviour goes against how people in recovery normally act ..is he still attending meetings ? He might need some people outside of the home to talk to . Has he still got a sponsor ? If he hasn’t relapsed , he’s acting like a “dry drunk” and it’s emotionally unsafe for you and your children . Who wants to be waiting around for the next inappropriate outburst ! Don’t put up with this , if he can’t show regret for how he acted then he’s in denial about the impact his behaviour is having and unless he wants to sit and talk reasonably then plan to break up. No one should put up with this anger. It will be hard but you sound like you’re made of strong stuff and you WILL cope somehow. Good luck.

I think you need to calm down.

Are you saying that 68 is not old? it is when you are talking about caring for two children with additional needs. Enjoying yourself with your mates isn’t comparable.

And when he said he’d step up to have kids, he may well have meant it but ten years later have found he can’t deliver.

What does he do for a living that he stays late every night ? And you say pops into work for a couple of hours on weekends? Are you sure that's where he is? You sound like an amazingly supportive Mother and I wish you happiness going forward.

I know you do, I was responding to another post that said he should pitch in. And to some extent he should. But he is 68.

Id do the same btw if I had to wake up 4 times a night there’s no way I wouldn’t be in the bed beside DD.

I really feel for you. But I do wonder, abusive comments aside, if you expect more than a 68 year old can realistically give.

Are you sure the non-alcoholic wine bottle still contains non-alcoholic wine? My brother would have tipped the non-alcoholic wine away and refilled with wine behind his wife’s back so he could pretend he wasn’t drinking alcohol.

I’ve read almost all the OP’s posts. And as I said in the post you’ve quoted I feel for her

68 is old to have a 9 year old, in fact it’s very old to have a 9 year old. The vast majority of 68 year olds are granddads not dads. Listing famous men with huge resources adds nothing to the argument. Look at Alec Baldwin. Nannies up to his eyeballs & the man looks broken with exhaustion.