To end my marriage tomorrow

I suspect Alec Baldwin looks broken because he never really got over accidentally shooting a woman on set and the possibility he was going to be done for involuntary manslaughter - and he has 7 children under 13 with his current wife, not 2.

It's not about "resources", I just think some people picture Victor Meldrew when they think of a 68 year old when he's the same age as Jeremy Clarkson/Simon Cowell/countless other men still fit and working.

That is a bloody awful situation.

I cannot begin to start to comprehend what you're going through, lass.

There are online solicitors - advice given depends on your payment offer - I used one for my dd's breakup - £30.

My son is on holiday right now with his 72 year old grandparents. He is 7.

Exactly. Some of these posters are ridiculous. "oh boo hoo, the poor man has to work in-between his hobbies and not helping with the kids". Cry me a fucking river. If he can do hundreds of push ups he can do some nights helping with the oxygen.

Hi , how likely is he to fight you for access to the kids ? Probably won’t . You can get an order to stay in your home anyway until the kids are independent enough and you definitely will have half of his pension . I say see a solicitor and start preparing your exit

What is the legal basis for you saying if you have been married a while all debts are shared? And what constitutes “a while” for these purposes? And you say this is even more true if it is for medical expenses for the daughter. Based on what? And if the first statement was true how can it be more true?

We get respite care for our son. 9.30am- 12.30pm, one Saturday a month. I usually use it to catch up on my hours at work, as I often have to take time off for medical appointments in the week.

Is that normal for respite? Are the staff is respite not trained to deal with this? Surely the whole point is that you need to a break?

How did you end up paying the bills and all else and he just transferring...this is normally the other way round, the bigger earner pays for everything majour and the lower earner tops them up

How old are you op? Is he much older than you because the way hes talking about you in front on your kids sounds to me like he thinks hes the boss and what he says goes , i think i saw in a previous post hes 68? Ive only read this far down so far so will keep reading but do not put up with that from him, take this week away to think about your next steps once your all home . He has a nerve to tell you yo be grateful
Just who does this man think he is!?!?! 😡

Was referring to the OP’s position on his age.

DH needs to do what he can do, but there are things he possibly can’t do at 68.

And I only said they could sleep together & not sleep the whole night together as clearly sleeping next to DD isn’t necessarily a barrier to that. But the OP has already explained why they aren’t & for what’s it worth I see her point.

I strongly suspect that he has relapsed. The irrational anger, constant vanishing acts and going back to non-alcoholic wine are very suspicious. He may well be drinking 0% wine in front of you and the real stuff during his extra 'working' hours.

Assessed for what?

My post literally says ‘yes he’s old’. Where’s the denial?
I don’t think being old absolves you from doing any of the care for your child, who you chose to have when you were old. And if that is the position you take, I don’t think you can expect your wife to work all day, care for your children all evening, then find time for a quick shag before taking on the night shift alone.

I have a lot of empathy for the OP’s situation. I have no doubt for both of you it is very hard. And clearly the man is not without fault, and should be doing more.

But should be doing more to the extent of his abilities. Denying that 68 is old isn’t helping the situation IMO.

As an aside, my dad is 72 and he has my disabled son overnight once a month and takes him on a 3 night holiday every year to give me some respite. If he can manage overnight care for his disabled grandson, the OP’s husband can manage the odd night for his own child.

I wonder if you've ever been assessed in relation to the children's disabilities.

While I agree that it is not helpful, OP did decided to marry a man 27 years older who suffered addiction problems in his 20s, 30s and early 40s and have children to him when he was aged 55 and 59 years. There is a reason why this is not the norm. Having/rearing/enjoying children is a younger person’s game - it means being energy and interested. Her DH is not that.

You are considering a different method is all. It's not failure. It may be that that change will ultimately save your relationship. You both still have the qualities which you had before.
The presence of the special needs/ disabilities is a profound factor in any family trajectory.
Have you ever been assessed for help on the basis if the children's disability? ? Notwithstanding the relationship.