To end my marriage tomorrow

I was just about to post this. What you have detailed so far is only about 22 years of work and if he is now 68 and working, that takes us back to age 46. Surely he worked for some years prior to that at something? Otherwise, yes he is not even going to be anywhere near his full state pension.

His sperm might have been too old for picture perfect ones..
you should get some of his pension so he can’t just roll off into the sunset, and if the medical treatment is for your dd id ask rhe lawyer about putting it in the claim. If he can’t care for your dd overnight that should be a factor in the housing needs decision too…

good luck up, you’re only 41 and at 50 and 60 you will be able to think thank fuck I’m not caring for that abusive old man too.

Your husband has mentally checked out of family life. Did your husband want the children? I see a man who is an OAP, who has two children with significant needs, who he resents. He didn't envisage his life becoming what it currently is, and he is resentful of that. Yes, he blames you for some of the way he's feeling, because presumably you wanted children. He's not interested in the children, their needs mean they are hard work, and he can't cope with it.

None of the above excuses his behaviour, which is absolutely dreadful. I don't see his attitude improving or changing. He's showing you very clearly how he feels about you and his own children. You would be far better to divorce. Yes, life will be hard, because I can't see him having the children overnight, or much at all, which means it will all fall onto you.

You need to seek legal advice. You are married, so there will be some protection. See what help you will be able to receive to assist you with your disabled child.

Listen, love.
He can't get out of supporting you and the DC.
He can say things in anger but he's wrong.

Go and see a lawyer.
Don't panic about money. Or where you'll all live.

But you need to get divorced. This man is horrible. He is abusive and cruel.

at this rate I would be very concerned he even has his 35 years NI to get his full pension.

68? Do you want to end up caring for him and your daughter at the same time? I suspect the reason he's so angry and resentful is that he thought marrying a much younger woman would mean he had someone to wait on him hand and foot, and having a child with serious health problems has scuppered that. Dump this selfish arsehole while you still can.

When you get home, seek legal advice from a good family solicitor. Find out where you would be financially if you did divorce. It sounds to me like if you felt you had a choice, you would leave. You deserve so much better- he sounds horrible. He will still have to contribute for the children whether he is retired or not!! I suspect he also knows you may leave if you felt you could financially.. why else would he be pointing out how financially dependent you are. That in itself is huge red flag imo.
wishing you all the luck going forward and honestly you really deserve so much more xxxxx

retrained for the whole of his 40's ?
so a degree and a masters and what ?

25k worth of medical debt

Why?

With your husband being in his 50’s when you had children, did he actually want them or did he agree to have them because you wanted to?
Sounds like he’s really struggling with them and their needs

How is his health?

At 68yrs old and full of anger, this may not be a problem for too much longer...

In terms of the medical debt, if you do separate, make sure your solicitor makes him responsible for half. It was for your joint child, no way should he get out of that. You'll be entitled to some, potentially half of his pensions.

You might be able to negotiate getting the house if you leave his pensions alone.

OP, I don’t have any practical advice to give but wanted to say how much and how hard you work for your children and to be able to also keep a job on what sounds like broken sleep 💐 This holiday should have been for re-charging. You and your children deserve so much better.

He's already checked out. He has no interest in actual parenting, he is shouting and swearing at his own children, and he has told you that he'll deliberately screw you over financially if you dare to leave him? Jeez.

You can do this without him. And without his money. Honestly. Look at what you're already doing - you're working, parenting two kids, one with a serious disability, and you're handling living with a fucking bellend at the same time. You have the patience of a saint. And way more strength than you think!

Do you have someone to lean on while you get your ducks in a row? Mum, sibling, friend? Call in every favour you can, ask for whatever you're entitled to (legal advice, financial, PIP, UC, etc) and start the next chapter of your life.

im so sorry OP, this sounds awful. If the kids are having an awful time with him on this holiday anyway, is there any chance you could sneak out tomorrow and go home? You can make it up to them with a better holiday later. If you can get a few hours home alone without him, you can dig out all the paperwork on his pension and finances before he can hide them.

'He was out of work for a long time in 20-30’s but has around 7 years teaching pension and maybe 15 years nhs pension?'

but surely he worked in his 40's 50's and the most of his 60's so there should be almost 30 years worth of pensions around somewhere...

Get copies of all financials and lawyer up.

Presumably you have had some discussions around his retirement, given his age? Many of his contemporaries have probably already retired.

I think your marriage is over but do you think that if he retired and was possibly less tired (because as someone else said he probably is worn out from work) he would/could more reliably provide care for your children and allow you to work more? Of course, if he is as angry as you say then he could also refuse and you can't force him to have the children.

If you have the energy, id start making my exit plan immediately

someone with legal knowledge will be along to tell you how it can be done, but if you can find out how you will Financially survive, do so and put the plan into action

kindly, imo he wanted a younger woman, not a family with a disabled child, the fucker that he is, which is why he is so angry.

he won’t fight you for custody.

can you and the kids go home early? Who do you have to support you? 🥺❤️

Because he's a selfish bastard who cares more about money than his own children.

Book a 30 min chat with family law solictor
Go through emails and letters for info on pensions, house stuff to take with you

Oh and OP, you and your kids can leave the holiday early if you choose to do so. Go home with them in the morning and leave your selfish angry husband there. You can then start looking for a solicitor right away before he even gets back.

I'm sure no one is going to be having any fun anyway while he's around.