Letting 16 year old DS have girlfriend sleep over?

What does she want? Fine if she wants to stay over but she might not want the pressure. If she does make up a bed in a separate room. Then she has a choice. Also check with her parents. See what they say. There may be conditions on her staying over which is entirely fine as she's still a child. Obviously if they're sleeping together you can't stop them but you can allow other options and make the environment as safe as possible so she doesn't feel pushed into anything.

Sounds like one of those homes we used to have run by nuns.

I would try to push for her to stay at either the party house, or a female friend's house. Surprised her parents aren't sorting it out tbh.

She can sleep with whoever she likes, just not in my house. If she wants to sleep with someone she needs to be getting her own place or staying at theirs.

Yes the brain claim is ironic.
I do think some 16/17 yr olds are mature enough to have sexual relationships.
I don’t think allowing a sleep over encourages or pressures them into having sex. It is a potential opportunity but then at that age the oppprtunities for sex are many.

My boyfriend was allowed to sleep over from 16.

We have now been together for 24 years (unusual, I know).

Id let my children's boyfriends or girlfriends stay over once they're 16 and have been in a relationship for a while (maybe 6 months?) And I was sure that they were happy and no coercion from either side.

I know, @IrishSelkie, I’m just repeating what’s so often said on MN and I find it ironic when compared to the attitudes towards sex.

My point is that many 16/17-year-olds aren’t ready for sex, because they’re so emotionally young. They’re also not all going to be having sex in the park if their parents don’t allow sleepovers.

The age 25 brain not fully mature is a popular misconception of what is really a measure of brain plasticity. Maturity is mostly a result of life experience and education, which is how some kids can be more or less mature than others of the same age.

MN does make me smile sometimes, because posters often mention that young adults’ brains aren’t fully mature until they’re 25 . Just because they’re technically adults doesn’t mean that they’re all capable of sorting out their lives and behaving like adults, etc.

Except for sex. At 16, these immature people are ready for it, no question about it. 🤣

Stay at friends? Oh if only she had a boy-friend 🫤

Most 16/17yr olds are not having sex unless all the surveys are lies.

He hasn’t outright asked and so I wouldn’t offer, instead I’d be offering to drive her home.

Do people not ensure their teens are aware of contraception? Dd2 had an implant fitted at 16. 5 years protected no hassle

At 23 ? that is ridiculous. I was a doctor with a mortgage at 23 I cannot imagine my parents telling me who I could sleep with !

I'd say yes. They are bound to have dtd already by now. I think having a kind of pretence that they won't share a bed for sleeping in won't make any difference. Other than the fuss of making up an unnecessary extra bed.

Great way to encourage teenage pregnancy..

I don’t really know why you are asking me about your own son, I don’t know anything about him whatsoever.

I was answering a question that a completely different poster asked me.

So which of these things is my DS not doing then?

No way.

I think I’ve answered why not. Freedom, suiting just yourself, not settling down too soon, enjoying meeting different people, making big decisions without having to consider others. That sort of thing.

Wonderful, and I was only answering the question you asked.

I just want them to be able to be impulsive.

Why not? My DS has been with his gf since just before he started uni. ( 4 years)

He's worked abroad during uni holidays. Been to Asia backpacking a couple of times etc etc Not of it with her

Now saving for next travel plans

And they live together

This is exactly how I feel. I had my dd when I was 22 after being in a relationship since I was 18. I think part of the reason it ended up being more serious more quickly is because my Mum was so unbothered about him staying over. I was set to go to university and didn’t because I decided to stay with him - and then split up with him when dd was 6 months old because having a baby with him, and him moving in with me and my Mum made me realise how awful he actually was.

As a result I have never let dd (now aged 23) have any boyfriends stay over. Ever. She knows she just can’t. I actually think it encouraged her to go off to university to have that freedom. We have a great relationship and she’s now back from university living at home again and saving for her own place whilst working full time. Still no boyfriends allowed overnight. Now It’s also because I don’t want to wake up to people in my house who aren’t my dh or my dc (I also have a dc aged 14).

I think parents often give in too easily now. It’s okay to say no.

I would let her stay over IF you’ve had a talk with your son about contraception and you know* they’re being safe. A teenage sleepover is how I became an aunt at 7 😭 but if they’re shagging they’re shagging.

*obviously there’s no way to be 100% sure unless you’re administering the contraceptive to the girl or worse, in the room providing condoms - but I mean beyond reasonable doubt. You know your son so I’m sure you can gauge how sensible/ ready he is.

If you’re worried about them having sex, obviously I can’t say for certain but I can almost guarantee you that ship sailed long ago and at 16 almost 17 they won’t be hold hands in the park giving each other a quick peck on the lips. Making them sleep in separate bedrooms isn’t going to stop them sleeping together. If they’re not allowed to do it under your roof or her roof they’ll do it or will be doing it somewhere else.

I'd let her at their age. They're past the age of consent and old enough to make their own decisions. I wouldn't contact her parents either - beyond a certain age I assumed teens could square things with their own parents or take responsibility for not doing so.