To think my child is difficult

OP was reading a book with her ds, not sitting there trying to read her own book and trying to ignore him!

Biting absolutely not OK. What's the consequence? There must be something he cares about.

Lying on the floor - normal ime.

Trashing the house - not OK but why's he doing it? Is he not supervised?

Apologies I thought you said you were reading when he was trying to talk to you, misread that bit.

So i feel you first of all! You’re not going to vibe with everyone including your own kids at all times.

Regardless of any diagnosis he does seem to have some ND traits, as do my kids, and I found it quite freeing to acknowledge that and that’s why certain things felt hard with them.

You also can change the tone - e.g. you don’t just need to listen to him with the constant speaking - “mummy is speaking now, listen up!” Or in your book example - does he want to read it or does he just want to verbal dump what he knows? Would that situ be nicer for you if you were e.g. making the bed or folding some washing and said to him “tell me about planets”. He might enjoy that more too.

Intense people are just that, so make sure you plan time in your day to recover/have quiet time etc.

He won’t be like this forever - I try and remember that when things are particularly shit. ❤️

Perhaps reset your expectations of a 5yo a bit.

You can't really read a book when they're around. That's an evening luxury.

Join him in with what you're doing, even in short bursts. Find joy in what he finds joy in. My 5yo will dust for 5 minutes, then do their own thing, then come back and see what I'm doing 5 minutes later. It's normal for their attention span at that age.

It sounds like he's your only child, in which case you become default play mate as well as parent. That is more draining!

With the eating, have you showed him how to be less messy. I know it sounds basic but saying "be less messy" doesn't work. Model what you mean. "sit up and over your plate", "make sure food is in small enough pieces to go into your mouth", "here's a wipe if you get some on your cheek, clothes". With an ice cream show how to lick the bottom to stop melting.

My child is diagnosed with inattentive adhd and the way you have outlined your child's speech makes me think it's a possibility, obviously I could be completely wrong.

I hope it gets easier soon, it is half term which doesn't help!

Fair enough! Sorry to miss the point there! It's hard to withstand when they get angry and upset. Quite important you do mind.

My son was quite like this until he was 5 years old. He’s almost 7 now and SO much calmer. Even a year and a half has made a hell of a difference in terms of his maturity and calmness.

My son has a stammer - especially when excited/tired - and also rambles. His stammer doesn’t affect his love of speaking, though, which is good! I find, actually, the worse his stammer/more rambly his speech, the sillier his behaviour. Quite a lot of it must come back to tiredness and overstimulation. He can also be very clumsy.

Echoing a pp in asking if it’s a stammer your son could have? Stammering isn’t necessarily the classical “p - p - p please”, it can also manifest as repeating the same word at the start of a sentence, eg my son might say, “mummy, m-mummy, when when when are we setting off to swimming?” - so once he gets going he’s fine.

Stammering is neurodivergence in itself - the brain is literally wired differently, as can be seen on brain scans, for a stammerer both hemispheres are active during speech instead of just one. So there might be handful of other symptoms from the general “pool” of symptoms that seem to be associated with other conditions, eg impulsivity or problems wit emotional self regulation.

On the plus side, it does seem to make my son more creative though, especially with language/vocabulary. Is your son good at language too, rambling aside?

Is your son bright, kind, sensitive, just needs support with self-regulation/not over-reacting?

Kids come on in leaps and bounds at this age. My advice (based only on my experience) would be, make sure he gets enough sleep, have a good routine, not too much screen time, maybe a Yoto player/audiobooks, lots of play dates to help with practising self-regulation… and he will hopefully become a lot easier in time!

You can love some yet not particularly like them you know

The rambling is very normal for me this age but YANBU that it can drive you to distraction.

Re pushing - get him a trolley, buggy - something to push
Re hitting - get him a hammer set
The roaring - roar with him - maybe outside lol
Try not to be embarrassed with the friends. Be efficient, brisk, carry wipes. Some kids are messy while they're learning
The not listening - where are your ears? No, look at mummy, here, at mummy, listening, down on his level. Consequences if he doesn't. Be firm.

Could it be a stammer? Perhaps he needs help with his communication.

Get lots of outside time.
Help him use his words. The talking, although exhausting, is a good thing. Do your best to listen and reflect back.
Consequences. Immediate.
Sometimes if they're playing you have to watch like a hawk and get in between them and their victim. Like literally. No, we don't bite. Rinse and repeat.
It doesn't last forever.

Lols sounds normal. Your five year old a good book.

This sounds like communication/interaction issues and sensory issues. How is he at school?

Ds1 was impossible for most of his life. He was a colicky new born, an insomniac infant, a tantruming toddler, a bratty kid and an obnoxious argumentative teen. He is late teens now and seems to have a good heart, he can charm anyone and oozes confidence. Friends who had easy kids are moaning about theirs not studying or being lazy and I'm enjoying DS. I always loved him but I always found it hard to be around him, it was always hard work. Some kids are just like that. Its hard to admit in real life and that's where anonymous forums are great to let it all out.

I was finding my 5 year old exhausting and a wise friend told me that some children make much better adults than they do children. She said that you want your adult child to have the courage of their own convictions and be an independent thinker. Being a mum to such a strong willed child was exhausting, but she was right - my DD is a sensational, wonderful, intelligent, strong-willed resilient adult. Hang on in there!

Just because your kid is difficult doesn't mean you are a shit parent. Kids don't come with a digital display saying how well you are doing. (I have autistic kids) You've got no idea if it could be a hell of a lot worse or better if you tried something else. You could be going really well with the kid you've got.

I would do a parenting course. If those strategies don't work then you have more evidence to seek help from GP. They do like to send you to these first. You can tell them you are using strategies but they are not working. In the mean time write down behaviours. Things that trigger. Look for symptoms of ASD and ADHD/add. (And any other suggestions people come up with. ) Especially early symptoms.

Could you give us a run down of what a particularly difficult day could look like? @Letsgoupstairs

How often do days like this occur?

I had a rather tricky one. Stroppy, unbelievably strong willed - just intense in every way. It felt quite hard going. Just the other day I found an old copy of a book 'The Spirited Child.' (eye roll!) A lot of the time I felt like I was walking on egg shells. Hang in there. Much (much !) better now. Super independent, great grades at school. Lots of friends and kind. Still strong willed though but with maturity less tricky and really good fun to be around. Try to work out the flash points. What worked for us:
Awareness of sensory challenges, lots of notice and discussion about transitions in the day (from one activity to the next), lots of physical comfort. Overload or tiredness registered as truculence. Good diet.

I could have written this. You have my fullest understanding and sympathy. Being a parent is WILD