To think my child is difficult

Also getting a diagnosis might mean support and extra funding for the school. Probably why my child will hopefully have a EHCP.

Yeah we really want the extra money a disabled child would give me. 🤑 My son is definitely autistic and it isn't his or my fault if the schools don't have enough funding. If he needs more attention from a TA than say another child in reception this year that isn't my issue or concern.

It depends on how often. Pushing into other kids once or twice when over-excited, normal. But not habitually. By five most kids have got the hang of waiting their turn most of the time. Most kids' communication is good enough by then not to have to resort to biting. Yes hopefully the problem will resolve itself espeically once any hearing problems are sorted out but I can see why the OP is worried.

And the strategy of telling kids not to do whatever and removing them from the situation is fine whether it's officially "normal" or not. You just have to do a lot more of it. Though if it's serious you might end up avoiding the triggers more of the time, going to the park only when it's very quiet etc., until you're confident they've got the hang of it.

'It's normal for 5 year olds to hover by equipment, slightly closer than is polite, to indicate that they really want a turn soon. It isn't normal for 5 year olds to push and shove and try to force their way onto the equipment.'

This is verging on the absurd. Children are not 'slightly closer than is polite' robots. It's absolutely within the realms of normal for a five year old, perhaps only just not 4, to push and shove and say get off. Again, needs to be told no.

Child development is an oscillation, it is not linear. If a five year old gets frustrated enough, it will bite. It's a communication. A regression perhaps. Totally within the realms of normal. Not 'special needs'. Needs to be told, again, no we don't bite, and possibly removed from the situation etc.

My son went through a difficult phase at 5. He started school quite young as he is a July baby. He was like a teenager. He defied everything we said. He would have enormous tantrums. I think looking back he was overwhelmed by school and I feel really guilty for not deferring him. But he turned 6 and he was like a new person! So he may turn a corner.

It is not within the realms of normal for a 5 year old to bite. It is a 'normal' phase between 18 months and 2.5 years old. By 3 years old it is no longer 'normal'. By 5 years old it is definitely not normal.

It's normal for 5 year olds to want to interject during stories. E.g. Story about a rabbit, 'We've got a rabbit! He's black'. It isn't 'normal' to say rambling phrases, as the OP describes.

It's normal for 5 year olds to hover by equipment, slightly closer than is polite, to indicate that they really want a turn soon. It isn't normal for 5 year olds to push and shove and try to force their way onto the equipment.

My child has a 'label' and is well behaved. I don't assume SEN based on violence or naughtiness.
I suggested SEN on this thread because of the way op outlined her child's speech, and acknowledged that I could be wrong. I also shared a list of things to do with my child's speech and communication for op to read through, to see if she could relate them back to her child or not. Trying to be helpful.
Why that has been taken as an attack I don't know. It's actually very personal information that I chose to share about my little boy.

Has your DS had ear infections before? May be worth speaking to the gp about a referral to ENT to discuss grommets.
My ds (who is nd but that’s by the by) had recurring ear infections. I could always tell one was on its way because his behaviour was awful. He didn’t have the language skills to tell me what was bothering him he just became a complete handful until the infection showed itself. He also had a speech delay because he had hearing loss. He needed speech and language therapy for a while.

DS1 has ADHD and copes brilliantly - because he is medicated! He copes far better than children who are struggling because they’re undiagnosed, because it’s a treatable condition.

This is not to say that there are any SEN at play here, we can’t know either way, and neither can OP.

I've got coeliac disease. It affects my daily life in various ways. It's been useful to know what the issue is so I could change my diet.

My daughter's diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. It affects her daily life in various ways. It's been useful to know what the issue is so we could change our parenting.

If we're talking labels, "fussy eater" and "difficult" are also labels. Quite judgemental ones.

This is bizarre. Everything you mention is completely and utterly within the realms of normal of a young child. Bizarre. No wonder we have an epidemic of teenagers and young people unable to cope. They've been told they're special needs, not 'typical', 'divergent', 'not normal.' Imagine getting those messages as a child your entire life. It's actually really rude.

I think today's penchant for diagnosis is really concerning. It can totally be a double edged sword. Yes you can get support. But you also get support. That can go either way. Life doesn't always allow for 'support' in the sense of special dispensation.

Ive got 3 DC. DC 2 & 3 were/are incredibly difficult, strong willed & defiant. DC1 was always easy going & fairly compliant.

DC 1 & 2 are now adults & are both funny, interesting & a pleasure to spend time with.

DC3 is still little but I'm hoping will come out of it by adulthood like DC2 did.

Hang in there - eventually mine worked out ok!

I would be surprised if the OP said that she used screens as a substitute for parenting, rubbish food, and preferred to be on her phone, so your general judgement is irrelevant.

It is only a cost to the education system if the support given is not warranted. If it is warranted, the cost of provision saves society money in the long run by helping children to reach their potential, or at least reach a point of independence, which reduces their dependency on state resources.

There is no bandwagon to jump on to.

I really think he has a delay in his language - particularly expressive and hence behaviour which is physical. Look up DLD. A good speech and language therapist will be worth gold - some therapeutic one to one support now will really pay dividends later on.

I admire you OP. You are struggling with your child but you are refusing to jump on the SEN ADHD bandwagon. I dont care if I get flamed for saying that!
He is a difficult child, I had 3 and one was so challenging at age 3 to 5 I could have given him away at times but was a different child aged 9.
It really irritates me that these days a lot of parents cant wait to jump on the 'Get the child diagnosed' train which comes at great cost to the education system and therefore deprives other children. Of course it often comes with benefits. Children are given screens before they can speak, they are fed rubbish fast food, have little interaction with parents who prefer to be on the phone and dont know what a book is for. Its almost like a badge of honour to get a child diagnosed. They have to carry that diagnosis for life when half the time it is lack of parental guidance at the root of the problem. Quite why we prefer to label our children so easily is beyond me.

That feels a little unfair. You've described a child who is still biting at 5 (uncommon after age 3), does not respond to firm voice and becomes enraged by it (uncommon in typically developing children), lacking awareness of his volume (common in SN), unable to use joint attention (talks over you when you read a book), unable to eat neatly, extremely active, and pinging from harassing children on their activity, to biting a child in soft play, within minutes.

It is highly likely that something is not typical about your DS. You say that your DD doesn't behave like this, you're bothered by it, and you're asking for support, so I'm ruling out permissive parenting.

Either seek assessment or don't, your choice. But don't pretend that people are crazy for suggesting that there may be some sort of SN at play.

You’re overreacting and exaggerating. It is a perfectly legitimate suggestion - as are all the other suggestions. It would be more constructive to say why you disagree.

Why? Nobody is saying it must be SEN. It is worth looking into. That is all.

The constant derailing of ‘must be SEN’ is wearing very thin…..It’s really not helpful.

The first time I was firm with my son after grommets he cried.

Before that I'd been much stricter in tone but he obviously couldn't hear the difference.

Looking back the worst of the behaviour was in places with a lot of background noise.

Also turned out he needed fairly strong glasses at 9 despite not showing any signs and school also not having any concerns (I only took him because I was worried about my younger child).

There could be all sorts of things underlying this from physical to his personality.

You'll probably have to accept it will be a lot of trial and error in what helps and what doesn't.

Ear oozing can be a burst ear drum. Hasnt he complained?
my eldest was similar (biting etc) and has asd/adhd.
But in your case maybe its glue ear?
However mine did also have a lot of burst drums - always with pain and temperature though