Women should prioritise their children and not getting a man

You need to look harder I think! Or actually you don’t need to, as probably 25% of posts on here are about useless men and fathers

When you say she has been out drinking when she was supposed to be caring for the baby, do you mean baby was left home alone? Because if so you MUST report this, regardless of the fact she is your friend.

I am hoping you don't mean this, as I assume you would have started with this if it was the case - but just thought I had better check.....

She's got every right to date when baby is being looked after by his other parent. This in no way effects the child, and does not make her a neglectful or inadequate mother.

50/50 is a perfectly fair childcare arrangement and does not make her a neglectful or inadequate mother. (I assume she isn't breastfeeding? That would make this arrangement pretty much impossible - but if that didn't work out, or she just chose not to, then I honestly don't see the problem - unless we are suggesting fathers aren't capable of caring properly for babies?)

I do however, entirely agree with you that it's absolutely inappropriate to consider moving in with a man she has known for only two months, when she has a child to consider. It would be a stupid thing to do regardless, but she's risking not only her own emotional and financial wellbeing, but also that of her baby.

So this I would judge her for. But not the other stuff. Frankly, when the baby is safe at his dad's she can do what she likes, provided her choices don't impact on her ability to care for her child when he is with her.

Maybe the father could try for custody.

I read the post title and was ready to defend - women do deserve love and companionship as much as the men who often leave them but your friend is a huge huge red flag. That’s way too early to move on, she’s clearly vulnerable and sadly there are far too many cases of children ending up abused or killed at the hands of a stepfather/partner. I’m not saying he is like that but it’s a massive risk factor.

what a man really will bring to your life in your case?

You sound pretty nasty, actually. I don't think she sounds like she's making a great choice with the relationship, but it also sounds like she isn't coping. You're 'sick to death' of her for what, exactly? Having PND? Having a baby outside of a relationship?

It’s wrong for both parents not to prioritise the kids but the risk to the kids is higher when it’s the woman making these decisions because they are most likely to spend the majority of their time with the mother. Plus step fathers (or those in that position) are far more likely to abuse the children. The biggest offenders of SA are step fathers. That why it’s more stigmatised.

Couldn’t agree more, please be there for her when the relationship goes tits up

Yep, sadly some women prioritise dick over their own child's welfare.

YANBU.

Women have a choice children do not

If she was diagnosed with PND, she will still be suffering with it if her baby is only 4 months old. No one makes good decisions when they are depressed.

You are deflecting from the hard facts of the situation. OP's friend has a very young baby(following a casual fling).
I'm confident that most people will agree that isn't the most stable start for all, especially the baby.
And now dating someone so soon.
She needs to focus on providing stability for the baby.
If I come across as being judgemental, it's because I am!

Being alone with a baby can do funny things to your brain. Makes sense really as in times gone by it could mean not surviving. So yes it’s a bit shit and will probably go wrong, but she is mentally unwell, overwhelmed and probably desperate, and it’s a very strong drive
if you feel you have given more than you want to and are getting resentful or over involved , then that’s something to reflect on for yourself and change your own actions rather than just shifting the blame to her. she is an adult and is making a choice, i too would worry but I’ve also been there having all my friends judge me for what ended up being an amazing relationship and I know that terror of drowning on your own and feeling unable to cope

My friend has been a foster carer for 20+ years primarily in new borns

this is now one of the main reasons babys enter her care - vulnerable women who end up getting sucked in by a manipulative abusive man

it’s so sad

Why women? Are men exempt from prioritising their children?

A lot of people really struggle emotionally with being single, as soon as one relationship ends they have to jump in to the next one. It's really not ideal but there's not much you can do unless you know her child is in danger.

I'd certainly say it sounds unwise. I would urge her to think twice about moving in.
She needs a stable home for herself and her kids that isn't reliant on a very new relationship becoming long term successful. Ask her what she'll do if in a month he decides he's no longer interested and she's to leave?

But try not to do it in an accusatory way. More quite urgent concern. Focus on how she barely knows him, rather than saying she's not meant to want a boyfriend. Just that it needs to move slowly for hers and kids sake. And forgoing her home would be disastrous potentially.

Exactly what I was thinking.
She’s either stupid or selfish and I’d give her my opinion if she was my friend.

Will she lose a flat or secure place to live by doing this? Have you tried suggesting she enjoys dating but give it a while before moving in with a boyfriend.

Id also be wary about what kind of man would be dating the mother of a newborn and why...

I too was a single mother from the start, but at 4 months post partum I remember feeling quite relieved I was single and didnt have to even have to think about entertaining a man romantically! My body was still recovering, I was sleep deprived, and my focus was on my tiny newborn.

I'd cut contact with her. I couldn't continue to support such a selfish and foolish woman.