Women should prioritise their children and not getting a man

Because people with poor decision-making skills (putting it politely)... are going to make poor decisions. And in some communities it is absolutely normalised to have a baby with someone ten minutes after getting together with them.

Christ, is this your first day on Mumsnet then? 😳

YANBU OP.

Some kids are unsure of who they're going to meet coming out of the bathroom some mornings.

It's certainly not putting them first.

OP states that the woman has PND, this comment is cruel and unnecessary.

She (and therefore baby) clearly need support, not judgemental isolation.

So sad when women judge other women and use words like disgusted. Her whole life has turned on its head. If she's leaving babu with its dad then whats the problem here. She doesn't have to sacrifice her whole identity. Maybe you are thinking you're helping but perhaps you're crossing boundaries

In the last week alone I have read 2 cases of new boyfriends moving in with a single mother, baby being left with said boyfriend and baby ends up dead. Your friend would be wise to have a good think about the welfare of her baby before she acts.
I cant imagine Dad being too happy about some random bloke living with his young baby, and perhaps might seek some legal advice regarding custody

You say she struggles with her mental health, and also that she's had PND (if baby is still only 4 months, she probably still has it). She's obviously not coping well if family are constantly stepping in to look after the baby.

So when someone is suffering from mental health problems, I wouldn't be judgemental towards them in those circumstances.

@Netcurtainnelly Or better still, baby goes to dad.

@StedSarandos If your children are with you 50/50 then you do have time to date (hopefully when it is the right time).

Baby should be taken away if she does. Baby's are vulnerable and need protecting. If the mother can't do it. Take the baby away.

Or wait for the right man before having a child with him

Just saying.

Yanbu. One of my dc's friends parents actually came up to me in the junior school playground and asked me where the best place to meet men was, she'd just split up with Dad no.2.
I was so gobsmacked I just blurted that I didn't know as I don't go out (actual lone parent). She replied that she couldn't be on her own.

Who has the time for anything once they're a single parent anyway, work, kids, gym and crap housework is my limit.

Totally agree end it shouldn't be allowed
Where's the safeguarding for the child?

If more parents had thought about moving in with someone and put their child first lots more babies and children would still be alive..

Arthur Labinjo Hughes, Alfie Steele and loads more. Their selfish parents failed them miserably
Arthur Labinjo Hughes father was more interested in shagging than looking after his son. He Thomas Hughes had the full support of his own mother but chose to move in with a woman he knew nothing about and his child ended up dead

People's morals and standards are in the gutter and it's the children that end up suffering.

@Icantkeepadvising What's her financial position? Absolutely not saying it justifies what she is doing, but I can imagine 50/50 with such a young baby can be very financially challenging. Is she looking for some financial "support" from this man as it were?

Women have a brain they need to use it

She sounds absolutely mad. My best friend years ago did something similar to what your friend did. It didn’t last luckily. Then she got back with her ex (not her baby’s dad) and had another child with him. Now she’s a lesbian.

The sort of man who is keen to move a newborn baby of a woman he hardly knows into his house gives me the heebie jeebies frankly. She sounds very vulnerable and exactly the sort of woman that these men groom.

Some people can barely look after themselves so to have a baby creates a whole new level of concern.

Absolutely not would most women move in with a bloke so quickly with a baby, even if only part time parenting.

Such a huge issue to be a vulnerable Mum who can't look after a child properly, ultimately the concern is for the child. Making poor choices because not able to understand or care about the risks is where intervention is needed.

Fortunately in this case the Dad is involved and is responsible so their baby has some foundation of due care.

See my post of 21.07 sorry didn't word it well

Have you been on MN long?

She sounds pretty troubled and vulnerable. She’s obviously struggling with being a mum and being on her own.

Chances are the father will push for full custody when he realises what she’s doing? There will obviously be concerns for the baby. All anyone can do is hope that this man she’s moving in with is actually a good person and supports her with being a parent…but I doubt that will be the case.

I know a couple of women like this , never been single from the age of 13, always have a new man lined up , drives me mad I just think ‘ stay in with your kids ffs ‘

The heartbreaking thing is that this woman might get her shit together and settle down, and maybe go on to have a stable environment for subsequent kids. But this first child will always be the unwanted child, the scapegoat of the family.

I'd be judgemental too op.

The thought of going "50-50" with a newborn after I'd birthed them is spine chilling frankly. Totally irrelevant the "but can't fathers look after babies" argument. The father didn't carry the child for 9 months, isn't leaking out milk for them etc. Fathers are great but not at the expense of the mother-baby dyad.

No wonder your friend had PPD. I'd have resorted to crime to get my baby back rather than "do 50-50".

50:50 is not suitable at all for a young baby. They need their mum and I don’t know many mothers that would push for 50:50 from birth.

Sorry I should have worded my point differently, what I meant was that nobody is shocked and disgusted when men are shit parents almost like we expect it and it's ok but women are held to higher standards. Agree that a lot of men are very disappointing