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Original poster

To consider rehoming dog

370 replies

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 18:28

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:45

luckylavender · 18/02/2026 16:31

OP you cannot go on like this. You will ruin your marriage and your children's lives. Do what you need to do, you know that deep down and don't listen to the naysayers,

I know, it just feels ridiculous doesn't it? And maybe I've been guilty of having my head buried in the sand to keep the peace. It's hard because sometimes I think DH is being completely unreasonable, like what's wrong with a bit of mud on the kitchen floor, I can mop it, but it's an accumulation of it all isn't it x

OP posts:
MauriceTheMussel · 18/02/2026 16:34

Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:30

Thank you. I needed to hear this because if I spoke to someone in real life they would be so judgemental and I need to have my mind made up before being able to back myself in making the decision.

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Just to add something my therapist said to me when I was in your position: it’s nobody else’s business what you do and if it’s easier to give a fake reason why you no longer have your dog or why he’s died, that’s fine.

Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:32

I have a phonecall arranged with them tomorrow, hopefully she will have some answers for me x

OP posts:
luckylavender · 18/02/2026 16:31

OP you cannot go on like this. You will ruin your marriage and your children's lives. Do what you need to do, you know that deep down and don't listen to the naysayers,

Boomer55 · 18/02/2026 16:31

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 18:42

Honestly I think this would be the realistic choice. I cant bear the thought of it and if it was just us in the house all day long he would be the perfect perfect animal...but thats not possible or realistic is it? Im literally a prisoner in my own house with him. The thing is I cant see the wood for the trees any more so Ive lost all sense of perspective. The second dog is so much more placied and if alone easy to train and well behaved, but the problem dog makes him behave badly iyswm?

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Yes. It’s going to be really hard to rehome him. Shame but sometimes shit happens.

Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:30

zurigo · 18/02/2026 16:25

This is no way to live. This is your DC's childhood - they only get one and no way would I let any animal rule our lives to extent that your dog rules yours. I would speak to breed specific trusts and see if they can find a suitable home, but otherwise I would PTS. The hoops you've already jumped through are enough IMO.

Thank you. I needed to hear this because if I spoke to someone in real life they would be so judgemental and I need to have my mind made up before being able to back myself in making the decision.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:27

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 15:59

I’ve read you say many times how good he is with children - same with my friends cavapoo who I was involved with - he was brilliant with their son - no issues at all - I think they just see children differently

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With my kids he's been a joy, to the point he's never jumped up even as a puuy and if they are "holding his lead" he honestly leaves slack on as if not to pull them. If the other issues weren't there I would be feeling ulta cocky on how lucky we are! Maybe it's that that's stopping me seeing the situation for what it really is. Thank you, you have been really understanding through this whole thread, I do appreciate it

OP posts:
zurigo · 18/02/2026 16:25

This is no way to live. This is your DC's childhood - they only get one and no way would I let any animal rule our lives to extent that your dog rules yours. I would speak to breed specific trusts and see if they can find a suitable home, but otherwise I would PTS. The hoops you've already jumped through are enough IMO.

Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:22

winnerwinnertofudinner · 18/02/2026 16:10

I've no idea, except I've been there too. My family dog as a teen was extremely aggressive. She wasn't relentlessly barking and growling, she was actively trying to bite members of the family for seemingly no reason. But we worked with vets and eventually a dog psychologist who figured out she had epilepsy. Drugs, and a bit of training for us as a family in noticing her triggers and managing her behaviour, and she lived a good long life with us.

Sorry if you don't like that I don't agree with you, but it doesn't mean I have no idea what I'm talking about. Different strokes for different folks, and maybe in this case rehoming is necessary if genuinely nothing else works and the family can't figure out a way to cope, but I just couldn't personally consider euthanising and am shocked by the amount of people on here that immediately jumped to that, end of.

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But people aren't just jumping to euthanisation are they? They've read my posts and seen that we have literally exhausted every option, and are considering that because of his unpredictability he may not be suitable to be rehome. And whilst I'm really happy you obviously had all family members willing to make sacrifices for the dog, I cannot continue with the effect it's actually having on my home life.

OP posts:
Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 16:19

Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:14

Thank you for this, yes these are the things we worked on with the first trainer, he's actually really good with food, will wait until he's told not pulling on the lead. It's hard to explain but it's almost like he's the perfect dog until... He's not. And if I'm honest if it was just me I'd probably just carry on but I don't have the support of my husband now and to be honest it's not like I can really argue that we should just put up with when he's right and it's limiting the childrens life.

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That is the hardest part OP - being unpredictable and not knowing cause - you end up living on tenterhooks - unless he is safe with children coming to house frequently your not going to be able to keep him - good luck and hope your hear back from spaniel or doodles trust later with some helpful info - it sounds good that spaniel trust know about what you’re dealing with.

I've had greyhounds too - they often just need to learn being in a home as they’ve always been in kennels and not even seen stairs etc

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 16:15

winnerwinnertofudinner · 18/02/2026 16:10

I've no idea, except I've been there too. My family dog as a teen was extremely aggressive. She wasn't relentlessly barking and growling, she was actively trying to bite members of the family for seemingly no reason. But we worked with vets and eventually a dog psychologist who figured out she had epilepsy. Drugs, and a bit of training for us as a family in noticing her triggers and managing her behaviour, and she lived a good long life with us.

Sorry if you don't like that I don't agree with you, but it doesn't mean I have no idea what I'm talking about. Different strokes for different folks, and maybe in this case rehoming is necessary if genuinely nothing else works and the family can't figure out a way to cope, but I just couldn't personally consider euthanising and am shocked by the amount of people on here that immediately jumped to that, end of.

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The actual OP has told you you misunderstand - your situation doesn’t sound nearly as difficult and problematic

have no problem with disagreeing 👋

Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 16:14

PointyNoseDog · 18/02/2026 16:01

I have a retired racing greyhound who did everything you describe, we resolved it with the help of a behaviourist, and whilst he’s still not great with other dogs, he is now brilliant at being left for several hours and sleeps downstairs overnight. What worked for him was obedience training and boundary setting. Walking at heel, not out in front of us, not going through doors before us, waiting a couple of seconds to eat until given a release command, greeting him quietly and calmly when we get home, no excited ‘hi hi good boy yes!’ when we walk in the door. Nothing huge, no dramatic stuff like e-collars, just small calm consistent changes. He’s a naturally anxious and high strung dog, so he needed us to ‘parent’ him to make him feel safe. This makes him subordinate in the family hierarchy so he no longer feels he has to be on alert and protect us all.

Good luck, @Celtic1hair, at one point we thought we were going to have to return our boy to the rehoming centre, but he’s a different dog now.

Thank you for this, yes these are the things we worked on with the first trainer, he's actually really good with food, will wait until he's told not pulling on the lead. It's hard to explain but it's almost like he's the perfect dog until... He's not. And if I'm honest if it was just me I'd probably just carry on but I don't have the support of my husband now and to be honest it's not like I can really argue that we should just put up with when he's right and it's limiting the childrens life.

OP posts:
winnerwinnertofudinner · 18/02/2026 16:10

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 15:53

Yes because I’ve been there!

you have no idea and posts like yours are not understanding - and for you have clearly not read The thread - or supportive for OP going through something very difficult not just a problem dog

ive seen OP has said the same - you are misunderstanding so ther you go

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Show quote history

I've no idea, except I've been there too. My family dog as a teen was extremely aggressive. She wasn't relentlessly barking and growling, she was actively trying to bite members of the family for seemingly no reason. But we worked with vets and eventually a dog psychologist who figured out she had epilepsy. Drugs, and a bit of training for us as a family in noticing her triggers and managing her behaviour, and she lived a good long life with us.

Sorry if you don't like that I don't agree with you, but it doesn't mean I have no idea what I'm talking about. Different strokes for different folks, and maybe in this case rehoming is necessary if genuinely nothing else works and the family can't figure out a way to cope, but I just couldn't personally consider euthanising and am shocked by the amount of people on here that immediately jumped to that, end of.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 16:03

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/02/2026 14:00

I still think OP didn’t research the breed properly first. I just googled and the first things that come up are anxious, separation anxiety. So if OP had seen that it’s not like she didn’t know. Or else she wanted a cute pretty breed. My ex boss had a King Charles spaniel that I walked sometimes. It seemed ok!

You have no idea - a quick google search doesn’t tell you all you need to know - read the whole post

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 16:02

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/02/2026 14:00

I still think OP didn’t research the breed properly first. I just googled and the first things that come up are anxious, separation anxiety. So if OP had seen that it’s not like she didn’t know. Or else she wanted a cute pretty breed. My ex boss had a King Charles spaniel that I walked sometimes. It seemed ok!

The problems are much more than that - I don’t know why you aren’t understanding what keeps being stated

PointyNoseDog · 18/02/2026 16:01

I have a retired racing greyhound who did everything you describe, we resolved it with the help of a behaviourist, and whilst he’s still not great with other dogs, he is now brilliant at being left for several hours and sleeps downstairs overnight. What worked for him was obedience training and boundary setting. Walking at heel, not out in front of us, not going through doors before us, waiting a couple of seconds to eat until given a release command, greeting him quietly and calmly when we get home, no excited ‘hi hi good boy yes!’ when we walk in the door. Nothing huge, no dramatic stuff like e-collars, just small calm consistent changes. He’s a naturally anxious and high strung dog, so he needed us to ‘parent’ him to make him feel safe. This makes him subordinate in the family hierarchy so he no longer feels he has to be on alert and protect us all.

Good luck, @Celtic1hair, at one point we thought we were going to have to return our boy to the rehoming centre, but he’s a different dog now.

Newsenmum · 18/02/2026 15:59

Why is he like this? Is it just genetic? I dont understand dogs but there are so many threads about people not coping with poodle mixes due to anxiety.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 15:59

Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 15:49

I'm waiting to speak to someone from the spaniel trust, still waiting for the doodle trust but I know how busy they are. I'm hoping they will have some information on how likely it would be to rehome him, obviously PTS would be an absolute last resort but at least i will have a clearer idea of our options. Things were very fraught last night so I'll speak to my husband properly tonight. As it's just been me and my son indoors all day of course the dog has been an angel, and it's hard to imagine not having him. But we have been going over and over this cycle for 4 years now, a build up of tension, a massive blow up then it settles again but nothing changes.

I’ve read you say many times how good he is with children - same with my friends cavapoo who I was involved with - he was brilliant with their son - no issues at all - I think they just see children differently

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 15:55

Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 15:49

I'm waiting to speak to someone from the spaniel trust, still waiting for the doodle trust but I know how busy they are. I'm hoping they will have some information on how likely it would be to rehome him, obviously PTS would be an absolute last resort but at least i will have a clearer idea of our options. Things were very fraught last night so I'll speak to my husband properly tonight. As it's just been me and my son indoors all day of course the dog has been an angel, and it's hard to imagine not having him. But we have been going over and over this cycle for 4 years now, a build up of tension, a massive blow up then it settles again but nothing changes.

You have to view it over time in the cold light of day - your doing so well - well done you

there is a phone number for doodle trust - hope you hear back soon

Lightuptheroom · 18/02/2026 15:54

As I've said previously Spaniel Aid deal with this type of problem all the time. Dogs aren't put in kennels, they're in foster homes. As he's a spaniel cross they can and will assist you x

loislovesstewie · 18/02/2026 15:54

I'll just say this @Celtic1hair ,when my dog was good he really was lovely. The problem was that he started to have more bad days than good, more aggressive behaviour and I came to the realization that he just couldn't be trusted. Whatever you do has to be right for the family. Only you know when you have reached the tipping point.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 18/02/2026 15:53

winnerwinnertofudinner · 18/02/2026 13:47

OP asked a question on Mumsnet, a forum where we discuss and share opinions. Whilst I feel for OP, my opinion is there is no cause to euthanise a dog who is not in physical pain, and who has not bitten anyone. He may be incredibly hard work, but my opinion is that he doesn't deserve to die for it, and I'd personally explore every other avenue before even considering that.

You seem very keen to jump down anyone's throat who has an opinion that isn't the same as yours.

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Yes because I’ve been there!

you have no idea and posts like yours are not understanding - and for you have clearly not read The thread - or supportive for OP going through something very difficult not just a problem dog

ive seen OP has said the same - you are misunderstanding so ther you go

Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 15:49

I'm waiting to speak to someone from the spaniel trust, still waiting for the doodle trust but I know how busy they are. I'm hoping they will have some information on how likely it would be to rehome him, obviously PTS would be an absolute last resort but at least i will have a clearer idea of our options. Things were very fraught last night so I'll speak to my husband properly tonight. As it's just been me and my son indoors all day of course the dog has been an angel, and it's hard to imagine not having him. But we have been going over and over this cycle for 4 years now, a build up of tension, a massive blow up then it settles again but nothing changes.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 18/02/2026 15:19

Are you rehoming? To someone that is home all day?

Original poster
Celtic1hair · 18/02/2026 15:09

winnerwinnertofudinner · 18/02/2026 14:21

I'm not suggesting anything over and over. Your OP said you used a trainer, I suggested a behaviourist because you didn't mention that until way later down the tread. You haven't neutered when he was a pup like you should have, it's too late now, fine. You haven't pushed to try meds despite many saying it they've helped their dogs significantly. Getting another dog was also a very questionable move, not sure why any professional would suggest that as you're just throwing another complete unknown into the mix.

You have kids, if they're older teach them proper dog safety, keep their friends away from the dog. If they're very young then perhaps you shouldn't have got a dog because this is the risk you run, animals are unpredictable.

Whatever you do, I hope you're comfortable with whatever decision you make. But if you ask AIBU, accept that some people are probably gonna think that you are.

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I appreciate any advice,, but I think you are misunderstanding just how much we have tried, which I have tried to be transparent about. And in hindsight absolutely things could have been different, but with neutering and medication I am following the advice from 2 vets (admittedly form the same surgery) so I hardly think I am in a position to completely disregard their advice without any real justification for doing so. We would never have children near dogs unsupervised, regardless if he was the most docile animal because you can't always trust the child rather than the dog, but we can't even have them in the house! And as far as having young children, mine are fabulous with him as he is with them, and I'm hardly the first person to have a dog with a family. And yes we did research the breed, as we did many others and felt he would be a good fit, and if it was just the seperation anxiety it might be different, I'd absolutely ensure measures were put in place, in fact my mother life's nearby and we even consulted her before getting him to make sure she would be willing to help out if needed (which she always has).

OP posts: