To consider rehoming dog

People are suggesting pts who probably have experience - sometimes it can’t be remedied and sadly this sounds like one of those cases if he can’t find a specialist home

I definitely would not put this dog to sleep.
What kind of a lesson would that be for your children?

Cavapoos are naturally anxious because they are bred to be companion dogs and need a lot of attention as a result - it sounds like he needs more 1 on1 time with you and others in the home to feel safe. If he's not getting his daily dose of pets, his anxiety level will go up.

It could also be that the second dog made things worse instead of better.
I'd rehome as a last resort but with someone who is retired or who works from home so he has lots of 1 on 1 time with a human companion - that's what will help the most.

As sad as it is for both you and the dog, you already know that you want to rehome him. You want someone here to tell you that’s ok and to do it. So that’s what you need to do. Hope you can work it out, best wishes with it, it’s an awful situation to be in.

I'm not convinced by your vet either, meds and neutering are definitely options that should be on the table.

OP, I echo all the posters who have suggested a different vet.

I’m not a vet but I am very experienced with all manner of dogs. Your dog is scared, anxious and unhappy, desperately so by the sounds of it.

Your vet, respectfully, is talking out of their arse. There is medication which will help your dog immeasurably and no, it won’t make him suddenly turn into a danger to you or your children. I have zero idea why your vet is not suggesting this so if you want to do right by your dog and avoid putting him to sleep then you really do need to seek out a new vet who will actually help you.

Wow the people saying PTS is wild. You got a dog, assumingly having done your research and knowing they can have issues like this, especially poodle crosses. It's not fair to just end his little life because he's turned out to be a bit of a challenge.

Try a dog behaviourist, try medication, try anything before rehoming.

Please find another vet who will prescribe fluoxetine.

But a good doggy care provider would be used to handling these situations. I am not suggesting you don’t love your dog. I would just have to try everything. How do people solve these problems if they are too scared the dog will show the behaviour to the one helping. I don't mean the neighbours kids that are just walking dogs for money, I mean proper dog people who help with all behaviours and use it in the day care.

Covering the crate can also help alleviate a lot of stress, have you tried that?

As mentioned before, please also try a different vet practice.

I think your vet is so so totally wrong on the meds thing. It’s the equivalent of a human taking an anti depressant; they’re not just for eg fireworks. Reconcile allowed my anxious pooch to actually daytime nap and make some progress in separation anxiety training.

Neutering won’t work - it’ll remove the small balls to take on the world he does already have

Could your DH or someone else be mistreating the dog when you are not around?

I took in a rescue dog that had been mistreated (mainly left on its own in yard for most of its first year). It used to go beserk inside my house, jumping on the sofa and not letting anyone approach. It took a lot of patience and reassurance to get him to behave normally. He still is anxious and will bark if anyone walks by the house or calls to the door. Could you try putting him in the back garden shortly before your DH comes home or in his cage with a toy/treat etc.
This is what I do when I expect anyone coming to the house.
He's fine with people who come regularly into the house although he will bark when they come into the driveway but we put him in his cage with a treat and then pet him to calm him down and then he's usually fine.

https://www.adaptil.co.uk/products/adaptil-calm-starter-kit?variant=44950225191234&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21449773653&gbraid=0AAAAAC-RxH1HcEtC3vdD4vQSVcopKz4gb&gclid=CjwKCAiAwNDMBhBfEiwAd7ti1C97fubaiJv1f0bonXLLpGZVZ9BzSXWsV4qNCANd3WNqD-YhZTaT8BoC0B0QAvD_BwE

I can’t implore you enough to rehome - it’s not worth it - especially for the dog - please look at doodle trust website and you’ll see what i mean about they understand - they will also tell you if Pts is only answer but I don’t think it is before this one step

I’d consider neutering and go back to the vet and ask for fluoxetine. Don’t take no for an answer. If these don’t work rehome. Is there something similar to Feliway but for dogs?

The best thing to do then is to set yourself a timescale to come to a decision. 7 days? End of rhecweek? It will stop the arguments.

You've tried crate training, behaviour therapy, exercise ... personally i think if you've got to medicate an animal to live a half decent life then PTS is preferable.

Listen - we are all going to die at some point. Harsh but true. Animals have the luxury of knowing nothing about death. They live their lives (and you're giving him his best life possible which is more than many would have so far). PTS at the right time is our responsibility as a pet owners. It's a kind and gentle drift off to sleep. It's nothing to feel guilty or scared of.

Sounds really tough and you've clearly tried a lot of things. I wonder if your vet is thinking of sedative drugs more if they're worried about the dog being less aware of surroundings?

Fluoxetine should be less likely to act in that way if dosages are started low but I guess there could be other considerations and maybe your vet is wary of something unpredictable happening, especially if there are children at home.

my Friend was like you and it took them at least a year to realise it was the only answer to rehome

same as you husband gave up before her so then she was even more in her own - when the dog left they cried and then opened all the doors in the house just because they could last

it’s no way to live

you have to think of the dog - he sounds like he is frequently in a high stress state

teh thing with getting behaviourist or trainer is that they have energy the dogs senses and respects and that can’t be transposed onto you - it just is so it doesn’t really help because they go and then your back in the same situation

When you put him in the crate, do you cover it over? I would try this if you haven't.

I have had dogs all my life, frequently multiple but now have one similar to yours. I can't open the door or collect a parcel but wouldn't consider PTS. You said that the dog is great with the kids and happy if no-one knocks or enters. How regularly do you need workmen in your house?

Have you tried sending them both to doggy day care? My friend is an amazing one and has helped so many problem dogs. They are so exhausted and fulfilled when they get home.

I would also try another vet, I also know of dogs on long term anxiety meds, have they even trialled it?

Are the dogs siblings having similar issues? Have you spoken to the breeder?

I would have to try everything before rehoming but do except that sometimes that is best for the dogs. I definitely wouldn't PTS a dog as you describe.

We PTS under similar circumstances. The vet was sort of convincing us it was the right thing to do in the end.

We tried fluoxetine (Reconcile) and 7 months of training for 5 days a week (with a professional behaviourist watching the videos from each training session and providing feedback) to crack his separation anxiety. We plateaued at 60-75 mins and the vet said that’s likely all he’d achieve. Also, please don’t blame yourself - I worried I’d babied my dog or otherwise made him anxious, but the vet said that’s likely if after all that training, he was still anxious, ur was just the way he was wired.

Our pup would also bark the place down - initially from excitement at visitors but that started to become aggression instead. He wasn’t confident even in his own home. It’s not fair for a dog to always be on edge. Also, you have his AND your own mental health to think about. I was a prisoner in my own home too, and my children would have suffered, as you’re experiencing now.

I sobbed and sobbed as the months went on and I realised it was likely a PTS situation. You clearly love your pet otherwise you wouldn’t be second guessing yourself. The vet said, when the deed was about to be done, that it’s about the dog’s WELFARE and what’s kindest to the animal. The dog has no concept of the future or that it might have an anxious wiring in its brain; it just lives not knowing when the next anxiety-inducing moment is around the corner.

I miss my boy so so much, but I’d far rather he was at peace than living another ten years stressed to all hell.

The re-homing situation in this country is dire. Best case he gets passed pillar to post unless you find him a unicorn new family that never leaves the house and has no visitors. In reality, a shelter or foster environment is more likely to stress him out even more than anything.

i hope you don’t get flamed on this thread. It’s a heartbreaking situation all round, OP.

My friend had an experience like this with a cavapoo - it was awful - there house had all the doors shut and nothing could be left around because of his resource guarding - an accidental sweeet wrapper he got hold off might mean they couldn’t use their lounge for 3-4 hours while he was guarding it - they lived like you and it was a sentence - they eventually decided to rehome and they kept in touch with the people who took him - he’s much happier in a child free house - she used the Doodle TRust and they were amazing - they will understand all what you are talking about and it will be a relief for you - even if you just talk to them - they are very open about dogs problems and specialise in rehiring doodles with this behaviour

its viscous circle because you aren’t relaxed and then dog isn’t relaxed and it feeds each other

poor you and poor dog 😣

it sounds like neutering would be worth trying. Yes, it could make him worse but it may well not. It sounds like the current situation is not sustainable so you have to try something different.