To consider rehoming dog

Actually, my dog had multiple symptoms of her anxiety, including barking/panicking when strangers are in the house or come to the door, separation anxiety, panicking/panic spiking in the crate, being overprotective of DP (growling whenever anyone else showed him physical affection), barking when people walk past the house, barking and pacing at noise, panicking on walks when she encountered any of her fear triggers (including but not limited to people wearing hats, high vis jackets, other dogs behind glass, children on bikes or scooters)… you get the idea. I think the only thing she didn’t do that OP mentioned was growling at strangers in the house – she only growled when people hugged DP.

Some of those things went away after a couple of weeks on medication. The ones that didn’t, she was then calm enough that we were able to implement training. There has been huge improvement in all areas, to the point where I had almost forgotten how bad some of it was.

It makes some dogs more anxious

Why would castrating him make him worse?

We had a purebred poodle 🐩 and he absolutely couldn't be left on his own, suffered from awful separation anxiety. At the end, he had to live with my grandparents who were always home. The separation anxiety comes from the poodle genes I think.

Exactly what I said - rehoming first - doodle trust would be able to tell her which way to go

the OP has done loads - it’s undermining to post and talk like she has t tried everything

sometimes if the dog is living in such a heightened state pts is kinder and safer and recommended by vets etc

I was concerned that Reconcile would change my dog’s temperament and was very careful with kids around her for the first month. She is still her soft self. No change in temperament at all. The main potential side effects are digestive - she hasn’t even experienced that. Our vet never expressed any concerns and agreed a longer prescription after the first month. Also, our dog trainer advised that Adaptil and similar would be a waste of money and haven’t been scientifically tested.

I appreciate it's not easy, and sometimes you have to make hard decisions. I just think when you get a pet, same as when you have a child, you go into it eyes wide open and you shouldn't do it if you aren't prepared for it to be hard. You exhaust every single possible avenue before euthanising should even cross your mind. This dog isn't in pain, it's anxious. Meds could seriously help, I'd try that first at least. And if all else fails rehoming is preferable to euthanising - there are plenty who are retired or wfh who could be there and give an anxious dog the company it needs.

It’s more complex than that - you don’t know how dogs minds work - it isn’t just straight forward anxiety

OP please speak to doodle trust and get advice

My heart breaks for you, what a sad situation. We had a cross breed who hated anyone coming to our house except, luckily, family and the hairdresser, and he definitely limited what we could do. Ironically, after we lost him and got a new puppy we now have a year old Cavapoo! Bought as company for our five year old Westie he watches through the blinds when we go out and is ecstatic when we return but we've experienced nothing like your poor little guy. He is however, beside himself if the Westie is taken out without him, (think vets or groomers) howling, and refusing to budge from the window.

They are quick learners so I think you are on a bit of a hiding to nothing as your training doesn't seem to help when he's anxious. Contacting the rehoming service for this breed mentioned by a pp sounds like a brilliant idea as they must have seen and heard most things and be able to at least offer some suggestions. I would approach another vet as well, just for advice. We get second opinions for ourselves so why not dogs too?

I hope you can sort this and move on, it is so hard when you have to even consider such difficult next steps.

You have no understanding becuase your dog has one problem

But all the behaviours OP has described stem from anxiety. I agree medication may not be a cure all, but it may help significantly and it’s madness not to try.

And people please stop making OP feel like she hasn’t done enough and to try one more thing “like you would”

I can hear OP
how much you’ve done

You need a new vet. Our dog is an anxious wee thing too – always on alert – but nowhere near as bad as your boy sounds. But the vet prescribed anti-anxiety medication for her regardless and said that some dogs need to be on it for life. Going straight to PTS without trying medication first is madness.

Please stop suggesting meds - this dog has multiple problems not one behaviour to be tackled

Before putting to sleep I would see if a charity would take them. Dogs Trust or a local one. The charity we got our dog from 8 years ago, take a lot of dogs with anxiety and say they need a quiet retired couple. There are people who would hardly have any visitors and would be happy with your dog situation.

Also children do not help it. We have one child & Lovely but high maintenance old dog passed away in November. I cannot tell you how much easier my life is without a dog in the house. I think it would be a good idea to re-home them both. Someone will love them and look after them, and you will be able to put your attention on your children, and your relationship with your husband will improve.

I know lots of people are able to handle busy lives with dogs and children, but honestly our life is so much easier with just two adults and one child in the house.

That’s no way to live

you’d be teaching your kids a good thing not what pp said - you are teaching them you don’t have to persevere in the face of defeat and there are options

I so so sympathise because I was alongside my friend for three years - you cannot live like that - it’s too much to overcome

everyone suggesting cover the crate etc are not even anywhere near understanding the nature of this and how the house becomes not your home

My current experience: rescue dog is on Reconcile (Sertraline) while we work with a dog trainer on her severe separation anxiety. We did not see any progress with the desensitisation until she started the anti anxiety meds. We have a 6 month prescription from vet and purchase the medication from Per Meds Direct online. She will be on the meds for as long as the training takes - agreeed with the vet. She has had no side effects. I would consider keeping her on them for life if necessary. Please try this before rehoming or pts.

In defence of poodles

I take offence to the lazy, reductionist "oh Dog has inherited anxiety from the poodle side".

ALL dogs are prone to anxiety and separation anxiety. And in the pet breeds it is not at all limited to poodles yet they get the blame for any undesirable traits that crop up in doodles.

people forget what poodles actually are. poodles were bred as highly intelligent, human-focused working dogs. That intense bonding is a trait that makes them responsive and trainable.

if we’re going to play the lazy blame game… the other half is the CAvalier king charles is one of the most famously people-oriented, velcro, separation-prone companion breeds in existence. They were literally bred to sit on laps and follow their humans around.

Anxious behaviour is multi factorial and not limited or specific to one breed. Poodles are great dogs (usually what people wanted, not a doodle, but they just think poodles are born groomed frou frou style ) but their genetic side gets the blame unfairly and lazily for anything undesirable by people who just don't know what they are on about.

You didn’t do enough research as a lot of these poodle mixes are nervous wrecks or a bit crazy, there isn’t many that are perfect.
People buy them to minimise the hair from a full breed, King Charles or Cocker spaniel.
They’re mass produced.
This dog wouldn’t cope being rehomed. I would have the dog put to sleep before giving it away.

I think that’s a over simplification of what’s wrong

they are not bred they are mongrels - that’s half the problem - nobody has bred out the worse traits of the two breeds that come together - they aren’t bred where the breeding process narrow down the traits