Page 11 | To consider rehoming dog

Ihavelostthegame · 17/02/2026 20:54

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 18:45

yes we have, sorry I wasnt clear in differentiating. Just said he gets so overwhelmed he cant listen, which I agree, but ultimately that doesnt help.

Show quote history

Then you need a better behaviourist! No decent behaviourist would say that without giving some methods to help deal with the situation.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 20:54

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:44

Thank you for your reply, Im absolutely willing to try anything. I cant comment for the Vet, but it was two different ones at the same surgery who said that they would be worried because of having kids in the house, but I dont know how appropriate that advice is, I just listened to them. Maybe its because if any of us are alone in the house with him hes absolutley angelic, and very responsive to training. It just completely goes out of the window if so much as a tree gusts in the window and he cant listen. Id do anything not to rehome, but as much as maybe I (stupidly) would put up with the burden of them my husband just cant, and if I was to be completely honest hes entitled to feel this way.

Show quote history

OP with all due respect I think your husband is right

you can’t live like this and nor can your children

I think you can trust your vet - around the meds - they’ve listened to your household and say it would be a concern and why - people on her do not trump your vet

and kindly again - your husband is making a decision that’s realistic for your family - your children come first

Nearly50omg · 17/02/2026 20:53

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 17/02/2026 19:19

I definitely would not put this dog to sleep.
What kind of a lesson would that be for your children?

Cavapoos are naturally anxious because they are bred to be companion dogs and need a lot of attention as a result - it sounds like he needs more 1 on1 time with you and others in the home to feel safe. If he's not getting his daily dose of pets, his anxiety level will go up.

It could also be that the second dog made things worse instead of better.
I'd rehome as a last resort but with someone who is retired or who works from home so he has lots of 1 on 1 time with a human companion - that's what will help the most.

Edited

It would show the children that THEY are more important and their happiness etc more important than an animal! She’s spent 4 YEARS working on this!! Either put it down or re home it! Neither of you are getting a life while it stays with you

Caterpillarhopping · 17/02/2026 20:52

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 18:28

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

Have you tried a vet for meds? Fluoxetine?

NormaJune · 17/02/2026 20:51

I would talk to a rehoming place and see what they say initially. There are people out there willing to take on anxious rescue dogs so if it's never bitten anyone I'd give it a chance.

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/02/2026 20:49

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 20:47

I don’t read that anywhere

what I read is what’s well known - if the dog is dangerous and suffering and there is no hope the vet will recommend to put to sleep for the welfare of the animal to end its suffering

you’ve obviously read a different thread

try to read the post properly and if you haven’t got anything supportive to say then don’t

Show quote history

I am fully in support of not killing the annoying dog

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 20:47

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/02/2026 20:45

I don't like dogs at all but am surprised at the number of posters recommending killing it. Seems a bit much.

I don’t read that anywhere

what I read is what’s well known - if the dog is dangerous and suffering and there is no hope the vet will recommend to put to sleep for the welfare of the animal to end its suffering

you’ve obviously read a different thread

try to read the post properly and if you haven’t got anything supportive to say then don’t

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/02/2026 20:45

I don't like dogs at all but am surprised at the number of posters recommending killing it. Seems a bit much.

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:44

101trees · 17/02/2026 20:38

I agree with this. It is seems odd that the vet said fluoxetine wouldn't think it would be worth trying it considering you're thinking about re-homing. Even if it doesn't work for all dogs it does for some.

My friend's dog has similar issues about guarding, she's had the same problems with having workmen to the house. It escalated into the dog biting - it really is the hardest most complicated dog I've ever known. Several failed trainers and behaviourists.

This dog is also fine when alone, the behaviour is only an issue when other people are there. The drugs really helped it to be a happier less anxious dog in general. It was like his anxiety was so high it couldn't see past it for the normal behavioural stuff to work.

She got fluoxetine from the vet, it transformed the dog to the point she could work with a behaviourist. He's still not and never will be an easy dog, but he's now manageable for her. She can have people round to the house etc. They ran out of drugs once and noticed a huge difference in the dog. It is the drugs which help reduce the anxiety so they become trainable.

Could you try a different vet ?

My dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy, he would bark and bark and bark. I was completely housebound with him. I got a small cozy crate (first one I had was too big and scary), filled it with cushy things and chucked a sheet over. Then I made it somewhere he wasn't allowed in for a while - put food and toys inside but closed him outside so he was desperate to go in, left it like that for a week. One day I left the door open and totally ignored him in there. After that I'd just leave food inside and walk off. He started just hanging out in there hoping for good things to appear - so then I trained him with the door closed like you would sleep train a baby - 10 seconds and extend from there, never retun when barking, wait for even the slightest break before coming back in. He didn't mind being inside the crate with the door closed, but he didn't like me leaving the room, he was much better inside the crate though so I knew it was heading in the right direction. Once he was up to 20 minutes alone he was basically fine from that point onwards.

But my dog just barked and chewed things, he was terrified of being alone and needed a safe space and he adores all people, there was no growling etc. Your dog sounds more complicated in-general than my dog, but I don't think it gets much worse than my friends dog who had the drugs.

Sorry if this isn't the kind of information you're looking for and have already made the decision to re-home. Just thought I'd share in case any of it was useful. I don't think anyone would blame you for rehoming given the impact it is having on your family. It sounds really tough.

Thank you for your reply, Im absolutely willing to try anything. I cant comment for the Vet, but it was two different ones at the same surgery who said that they would be worried because of having kids in the house, but I dont know how appropriate that advice is, I just listened to them. Maybe its because if any of us are alone in the house with him hes absolutley angelic, and very responsive to training. It just completely goes out of the window if so much as a tree gusts in the window and he cant listen. Id do anything not to rehome, but as much as maybe I (stupidly) would put up with the burden of them my husband just cant, and if I was to be completely honest hes entitled to feel this way.

OP posts:

DutchIce · 17/02/2026 20:43

I would first speak to a reputable breed rescue first to see if rehoming is a viable option. Don’t accept just because they say yes of course, if it doesn’t feel right then you don’t have to proceed.

if rehoming really isn’t a possibility given his issues then yes I do think you should PTS

Sweetnessandbite · 17/02/2026 20:42

To the poster telling others not to suggest ways to help, this is the point of posting on a forum.

If OP had tried everything then there wouldn't be anything to suggest. It's called trying to help.

A covered crate can help, I am not saying it will, but for some it helps cut out the anxiety triggered by over stimulation caused by visitors. A safe haven. The dog is well behaved when this stimulation isn't there.

Medication can help, again not with all but with some. The current vet doesn't sound very good so seeking an alternative would be very advisable.

Various other suggestions.

All worth trying before even mentioning PTS.
The breed specific rehoming is also a good suggestion, if all else fails.

Dogs can definitely feed off the owners anxiety so maybe rehoming both dogs, possibly together, depending on their bond might be kinder. I agree with PP about contacting the breeder, I would also contact the siblings. You may even be lucky enough to rehome where the kids can still visit or get updates.

101trees · 17/02/2026 20:38

I agree with this. It is seems odd that the vet said fluoxetine wouldn't think it would be worth trying it considering you're thinking about re-homing. Even if it doesn't work for all dogs it does for some.

My friend's dog has similar issues about guarding, she's had the same problems with having workmen to the house. It escalated into the dog biting - it really is the hardest most complicated dog I've ever known. Several failed trainers and behaviourists.

This dog is also fine when alone, the behaviour is only an issue when other people are there. The drugs really helped it to be a happier less anxious dog in general. It was like his anxiety was so high it couldn't see past it for the normal behavioural stuff to work.

She got fluoxetine from the vet, it transformed the dog to the point she could work with a behaviourist. He's still not and never will be an easy dog, but he's now manageable for her. She can have people round to the house etc. They ran out of drugs once and noticed a huge difference in the dog. It is the drugs which help reduce the anxiety so they become trainable.

Could you try a different vet ?

My dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy, he would bark and bark and bark. I was completely housebound with him. I got a small cozy crate (first one I had was too big and scary), filled it with cushy things and chucked a sheet over. Then I made it somewhere he wasn't allowed in for a while - put food and toys inside but closed him outside so he was desperate to go in, left it like that for a week. One day I left the door open and totally ignored him in there. After that I'd just leave food inside and walk off. He started just hanging out in there hoping for good things to appear - so then I trained him with the door closed like you would sleep train a baby - 10 seconds and extend from there, never retun when barking, wait for even the slightest break before coming back in. He didn't mind being inside the crate with the door closed, but he didn't like me leaving the room, he was much better inside the crate though so I knew it was heading in the right direction. Once he was up to 20 minutes alone he was basically fine from that point onwards.

But my dog just barked and chewed things, he was terrified of being alone and needed a safe space and he adores all people, there was no growling etc. Your dog sounds more complicated in-general than my dog, but I don't think it gets much worse than my friends dog who had the drugs.

Sorry if this isn't the kind of information you're looking for and have already made the decision to re-home. Just thought I'd share in case any of it was useful. I don't think anyone would blame you for rehoming given the impact it is having on your family. It sounds really tough.

101trees · 17/02/2026 20:34

MauriceTheMussel · 17/02/2026 19:08

I think your vet is so so totally wrong on the meds thing. It’s the equivalent of a human taking an anti depressant; they’re not just for eg fireworks. Reconcile allowed my anxious pooch to actually daytime nap and make some progress in separation anxiety training.

Neutering won’t work - it’ll remove the small balls to take on the world he does already have

Show quote history

I agree with this. It is seems odd that the vet said fluoxetine wouldn't think it would be worth trying it considering you're thinking about re-homing. Even if it doesn't work for all dogs it does for some.

My friend's dog has similar issues about guarding, she's had the same problems with having workmen to the house. It escalated into the dog biting - it really is the hardest most complicated dog I've ever known. Several failed trainers and behaviourists.

This dog is also fine when alone, the behaviour is only an issue when other people are there. The drugs really helped it to be a happier less anxious dog in general. It was like his anxiety was so high it couldn't see past it for the normal behavioural stuff to work.

She got fluoxetine from the vet, it transformed the dog to the point she could work with a behaviourist. He's still not and never will be an easy dog, but he's now manageable for her. She can have people round to the house etc. They ran out of drugs once and noticed a huge difference in the dog. It is the drugs which help reduce the anxiety so they become trainable.

Could you try a different vet ?

My dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy, he would bark and bark and bark. I was completely housebound with him. I got a small cozy crate (first one I had was too big and scary), filled it with cushy things and chucked a sheet over. Then I made it somewhere he wasn't allowed in for a while - put food and toys inside but closed him outside so he was desperate to go in, left it like that for a week. One day I left the door open and totally ignored him in there. After that I'd just leave food inside and walk off. He started just hanging out in there hoping for good things to appear - so then I trained him with the door closed like you would sleep train a baby - 10 seconds and extend from there, never retun when barking, wait for even the slightest break before coming back in. He didn't mind being inside the crate with the door closed, but he didn't like me leaving the room, he was much better inside the crate though so I knew it was heading in the right direction. Once he was up to 20 minutes alone he was basically fine from that point onwards.

But my dog just barked and chewed things, he was terrified of being alone and needed a safe space and he adores all people, there was no growling etc. Your dog sounds more complicated in-general than my dog, but I don't think it gets much worse than my friends dog who had the drugs.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 20:29

MauriceTheMussel · 17/02/2026 19:42

This issue with rehoming is that you don’t know where the pooch ends up - at best, being returned to a shelter or a foster because the new person has realised they can’t live as a prisoner. At worst, as your boy is whole, used as stud. Pillar to post will just increase his anxiety.

To a PP, it’s precisely because most people love their pets that they’re suggesting PTS. Until you see it yourself, you have no idea how stressed out a dog is at a normal 3.15pm at home. My boy would bark and growl every time a car door slammed or a squirrel farted 3 miles away. His hackles would raise at seemingly nothing. We adapted our living environment, literally killed 15 squirrels, had the living room blinds constantly closed, played the radio all day long, fast forwarded all TV featuring an animal (real or animated), had a sitter for him if we just wanted to go out to the cinema, I’d run to the postbox in the hour the dogwalker had him etc etc. The owner is stressed, the dog is stressed, and round and round we all go. My boy was only happy if I was sat near him. He’d wait for me, 9/10, at the stairs if I changed floors (or follow me room to room), and he’d always be standing - he was too anxious to even lay on heated floor. THAT’s why we PTS. He couldn’t cope with every day life and you bet your ass I still cry for him and feel awful and wish it could have been different for him, but, like the OP, we did everything and it got to the point I was keeping him around for myself. Not for his own happiness. Not for my kids’. Not for my marriage. It’s not a throwaway decision. Most people aren’t psychos that just love killing their pets.

I’ve suggested doodle trust / they specialise in rehoming precisely this kind of dog - I’ve been through it with a friend with one like yours but with resource guarding too to the extreme - he would guard a section of something as innocuous as a wall
so you would never know what he was guarding and he got really viscous with it

they will be honest with her if they can find a home or if PTS

whattheysay · 17/02/2026 20:25

I understand, it is draining having such a reactive neurotic dog. Out previous dogs were not like that so it’s not really something I expected. My youngest was about 7 or 8 when we got him and it was difficult having his friends over as younger children are loud and unpredictable for a dog, but we kept them separate i kept the dog with me or he went somewhere else I didn’t take the chance to leave them together.
To be fair to the dog when people come in he does bark but he does stop, it’s random people coming to the door who are the issue not people he knows even though he does bark still.

But yes, my husband is on the same page as me and rehoming is not something that crossed our minds ever. I think life would have been very difficult if he had been like that.

Speak to another vet or your own vet again about some medication

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 20:24

Namechange1345677 · 17/02/2026 20:21

The poor thing. I can't believe people concider PTS :(

Better than bite a child

it’s not a light decision - don’t make OP feel worse

she wouldn’t do it until it’s the last option

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 20:23

I tend to think also it’s a bad combination - a springy skitzy spaniel type and a highly intelligent poodle breed. -it’s a recipe for disaster in the way it’s being done and as I said they aren’t being Bred - breeding means crossing until you get the consistent required temperament heath and traits required - these poor dogs are just being crossed and it’s causing suffering all round ☹️

the man who “invented” the labradoodle says he regrets it and he feels like he created a Frankenstein

good luck Op - Marcel nailed it. You’ve been anything but lazy on this

fairmaidofutopia · 17/02/2026 20:22

I have previously rehomed a dog, when we were not a good fit for him. He did fantastically well, BUT that dog had only one issue. This one has many. I would PTS . I would explain why to my children, focussing on the animal welfare - he is behaving like this because he’s super stressed. And that is no life .

Namechange1345677 · 17/02/2026 20:21

The poor thing. I can't believe people concider PTS :(

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:17

abracadabra1980 · 17/02/2026 20:14

I used to work for a large UK breed charity and from what you've said he sounds almost impossible to rehome - if 5 (regulated behaviourists?) can't resolve it (and you are without doubt taking and rehearsing their advice), then i feel it would be kinder to put to sleep. Why people with young children think it's a good idea to get a dog, makes me despair.

Hes fine with the kids, its the fact hes limiting the childrens lives that is the issue. Ive grown up with dogs; spaniels, shih tzu and golden retrievers. Every single one has added untold joy to our lives despite the work needed so I was entirely prepared for it, but not to this extent.

OP posts:

MauriceTheMussel · 17/02/2026 20:16

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:05

Thank you. Im writing this with tears in my eyes. I know PTS is such an awful choice, but I also know how much his heart will break being seperated from us not even understanding what hes done wrong, so I cant even feel like this is the kinder option. Im hoping for some advice from the doodle trust with input with this.

Show quote history

Sorry, I’m totally hijacking your thread, but happy to DM if you’d like, it’s just that having been in a similar situation, the line “he’s done wrong” was part of my process too. However, he’s done nothing wrong and you know that. It’s because done nothing wrong that makes it so tough. I was at a point of kind of wanting my dog to bite someone so I had a “legitimate” reason to rehome or PTS rather than this neurological issue that you can’t see.

He’s done nothing wrong and neither have you. Like Jessica Rabbit, he’s just drawn this way

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:15

MauriceTheMussel · 17/02/2026 20:09

Oh, we could be the same person.

My boy was just The Best when at home with just me or me and my husband. His favourite place in the world was my lap. We had some great great times together, just me and my shadow. But that was the problem…he could only ever be chill if near to me and I wasn’t moving about from room to room. Imagine being him and thinking “oooh yeah. This is BRILLIANT! Wait! What?! Where’s she going? Omg, I’m going to die. Ok, better follow her just in case. Wait, is she going to the door? The doorbell doesn’t ring any more because the humans turned it off because I lose it with my barking…but, but, what if someone’s there? Should I growl now? Should I wait? Omfg, what do I do?!”

Our boy had no resource guarding issues, fine with fireworks, would take a pill no problem (no cheese smuggling needed), great at commands when in safe spaces he trusted, learned tricks quickly, walked nicely on a lead assuming no other dogs in sight, fine in the car, sweet as anything when at home with the family etc etc and it was still damn tough.

If it helps, when we had the vet over to PTS (our boy was so anxious that he once peed on me as I carried him into the vet’s reception…), I asked similar re could I have done more? Was I a crap trainer? And he said that he had behaviourist friends who only did a few hours a week of work with their animals. Also, you’ve had dogs before… I’d have dogs before, some of which were the same breed, and so no, it’s not like you’re a first time dog owner and just couldn’t be arsed. Your boy is just wired differently and you can’t change his brain infrastructure. It’s not your fault. I promise you, it’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person. You’re not a bad pet owner. You’re clearly someone who has tried so hard and loves their pet.

Edited

Show quote history

Thank you, this is exactly it! Hes 4 and when he eventually settles when my husband comes home he can still pee with the excitement/feeling so overwhelmed. Now dont get me wrong, every dog will have accidents but in fairness to him hes just come in from work after picking up our 3 DC and is having to immediately disinfect the floor!

OP posts:

abracadabra1980 · 17/02/2026 20:14

I used to work for a large UK breed charity and from what you've said he sounds almost impossible to rehome - if 5 (regulated behaviourists?) can't resolve it (and you are without doubt taking and rehearsing their advice), then i feel it would be kinder to put to sleep. Why people with young children think it's a good idea to get a dog, makes me despair.

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:10

whattheysay · 17/02/2026 20:06

We have a dog like yours. If anyone comes to the door he goes berserk we can’t open the door to anyone and he hates anyone who comes within a few feet of his house. He also hates every vehicle he sees in the distance from the window. He’s fine out and about he is not bothered by people as they are not at his house I assume. But we manage it, yes we call him a nightmare but we all adore him he loves us and is perfect when it’s just us. We just keep him safe as well as anyone coming to our house. He couldn’t be around workmen so they are separate it’s not an issue and we have workmen in once in a blue moon. When we’re out we make sure no one touches him, he’s very cute so people do want to but I say don’t touch he’s not friendly - I am not interested in being polite to total strangers I keep my dog safe.

Maybe the difference is that my husband totally adores him and so we don’t clash over the dog it’s just the way he is. I think if my husband was constantly in my ear about the dog wanting to get rid of him then I can imagine the stress you’re feeling and now it’s at the point you need to lose the dog. Ours is quite old now so we’ve been navigating him for many years but it doesn’t feel like work tbh.

Totally agree about the vet, find a different one talk to others in your area about the issue and how the can help then change. There are meds you can give your dog at least to try.

Thank you for this, yes its my husband being in my ear that is really pushing me over the edge, but to be fair I do feel if the roles were reversed maybe I would expect some understanding, but then its hard to know if he's just being a knob! And if my children were older maybe Id feel less stress about it, but Im reluctant to let them have friends over because of him and thats so unfair.

OP posts:

MauriceTheMussel · 17/02/2026 20:09

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 20:02

Thank you, its exactly this. Im so panicked that hes in this position because of something I have done, or that Im not good enough with the training and I think thats why Im so reluctant because I almost feel like its my burden to carry. And when its just us in the house honestly you couldnt ask for a more wonderful boy. Nut its impacting everything; like tonight they need to go out for a wee so have to go in the garden because even getting leads on the pair of them is a nightmare as he will not settle which sets the other one off. So they cant go out together for a quick walk and end up in the garden which is a complete mud pit and my kitchen resembles a swamp! When I was just managing him I would take him out 3-4 times a day in the street to do his business, Id happily carry on doing that as its so much cleaner but I cant. Now I feel guilty because obviously the problem doubled because of our decision to get another dog which makes it impossible, but we only did that so hed have company; training another puppy was absolutely something I didnt want to be doing!

Show quote history

Oh, we could be the same person.

My boy was just The Best when at home with just me or me and my husband. His favourite place in the world was my lap. We had some great great times together, just me and my shadow. But that was the problem…he could only ever be chill if near to me and I wasn’t moving about from room to room. Imagine being him and thinking “oooh yeah. This is BRILLIANT! Wait! What?! Where’s she going? Omg, I’m going to die. Ok, better follow her just in case. Wait, is she going to the door? The doorbell doesn’t ring any more because the humans turned it off because I lose it with my barking…but, but, what if someone’s there? Should I growl now? Should I wait? Omfg, what do I do?!”

Our boy had no resource guarding issues, fine with fireworks, would take a pill no problem (no cheese smuggling needed), great at commands when in safe spaces he trusted, learned tricks quickly, walked nicely on a lead assuming no other dogs in sight, fine in the car, sweet as anything when at home with the family etc etc and it was still damn tough.

If it helps, when we had the vet over to PTS (our boy was so anxious that he once peed on me as I carried him into the vet’s reception…), I asked similar re could I have done more? Was I a crap trainer? And he said that he had behaviourist friends who only did a few hours a week of work with their animals. Also, you’ve had dogs before… I’d have dogs before, some of which were the same breed, and so no, it’s not like you’re a first time dog owner and just couldn’t be arsed. Your boy is just wired differently and you can’t change his brain infrastructure. It’s not your fault. I promise you, it’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person. You’re not a bad pet owner. You’re clearly someone who has tried so hard and loves their pet.