AIBU to want my ex to have DS stay every weekend?

It is so she needs to look at anything whilst DS is in school, even if it means doing PT hours of 3 x 8am-5pm and use breakfast and after school clubs. That’s still 25.5 hours. Or two midweek days and a Saturday as her ex has their DS during the day already. Everyone has to start at the beginning, we all have no experience to begin with.

Oh I never disagreed with it. It will be harder for OP if she's only ever done bar work though .

One day a week does seem a bit pointless though

So what we agree is, there is no need to think all that is available is Saturday evening bar work. OP needs to be looking across all sectors any day of the week so that both parents are able to spend Saturdays with their child and still have opportunities for hobbies, partners and hobbies

You haven’t let him have his son stay over previous but now you want him to you expect him to because it now suits you?

what did you agree when you split?

to be honest though, if I had the opportunity to have my child more I would jump at the chance.. to put a hobby above having your child is terrible

Sorry OP but YABU here. You seem to be controlling a lot of the decision making here but you really need to be parenting as a team. You’ve ‘allowed’ your son to spend the night with his dad, now you expect his dad to have him every Sat. You working a job every Sat night is far from ideal when raising a young child. What are you doing whilst your child is at school for 30 hours a week? Weekends should be alternate or split in way that suits all of you.

My daughter had managed to work in hospitality with 2 kids for 8 years now. Many of the staff she manages are single parents.

OP doesn't say what she did for work before the child so that makes a difference

Yes there are those jobs but there’s so many more out there too. OP needs to look in all avenues outside of retail and bar work, it’s just narrowing her prospects. There has to be more out there otherwise no parent could ever get any work

It is very sad.

Doesn't seem the dad ( and most dads tbh) feel the same way about not wanting to be away from their kids

This thread has made me feel so sorry for the little boy here. Parents squabbling over who is having him overnight "every weekend like he is some sort of hindrance.
Op, if I was you I'd be looking for weekday work when your child is at school (wrap around care if needed) then do every other weekend with his dad. I wouldn't be away from my dcs unless absolutely had to be.

Most places like retail and hospitality so want you to work weekends. And what about the nurses and doctors and HCA in the NHS. Doubt they all min - Fri 9-5.

Office jobs are different. And I live in a commuter town lol

In the same instance I don’t know anyone who works shifts in my own social circle. I work myself in emergency services in a
midweek only role among hundreds of others who also do. As do the majority of admin staff in NHS. There are thousands of businesses up and down the country that run Mon-Fri. Even places that are open 7 days a week will have some staff who have opted out of weekends and others who only want to work weekends. It’s called flexible working

And not ANY weekends? Excludes most of retail, hospitality, care workers, nurses, delivery and taxi drivers, hospiral cleaners, etc etc etc in that case

And whats " believed" is hardly an official statistic either.

Tbh i think i actually know ONE person irl who does 9-5 mon to friday.

That’s not official statistic. It’s believed that over 70% of the UK population work Monday - Friday

Respectfully OP, even if you had a 50/50 arrangement one parent wouldnt usually have the child every weekend.
You've already made things a bit difficult for yourself by refusing overnight contact until recently, which by assumption would mean that your ex wanted overnight contact. Given you split when he was 1, I'm surprised you did this as even if he wet the bed I'm assuming your ex was capable enough to change bedding? Given that your son is in school now, this would mean you've withheld your son overnight for 2-3 years?
You say there are no weekday hours in the bar job so you are going to have to find a job elsewhere.
Bar work is generally unskilled and minimum wage- are there no jobs available near you that fall into these parameters whilst your son is in school? A cafe or something?
Sorry it's probably not what you wanted to hear, best of luck finding work.

You reap what you sow, you used your child as a weapon and he is now saying no, no court will force someone to have the child every weekend, make other arrangements.

Here

How would you plan to pay bills if you only worked 1 shift a week? Surely you would need more hours than that?

Even if he agreed, you will massively regret it in years to come. Weekends are the time to do some fun and relaxing things, the time to build a stronger bond beyond the stresses of school days.

6%? Where are you getting your data from?

So, for the last (almost) 5 years OP has kept the child with her overnight, seven days a week and purposely kept the father out of the picture (as much as possible).
This screams a set up designed to bring in as much money for OP as possible. Sorry, I don't believe this has been done because the child bed wets or whatever other excuses OP could come up with. It's all about the money.
The child is older now so the 'pressure' to work will be on, if OP had a partner it is usually about this point they would be getting pregnant again.
Instead OP is looking for a job with the most minimal amount of hours possible and it happens to fall exactly when her ex is doing his hobby. The one he took up when OP was withholding his child for 5 years.
The OP then has the gall to blame her ex's new partner because she hasn't been able to click her fingers and change the arrangement to suit her.
You really sound like the worst kind of woman/mother OP and you need to find a job that doesn't impact your son's life to this degree.

Tbh you sound a bit unreasonable and need to compromise. You decided it wasn't appropriate now your son is older and want a bit of your own life back you expect ex to change the schedule. He couldn't put his life on hold indefinitely on the chance you might need overnight childcare. Surely there are some bar jobs that would let you work Friday nights or Saturday daytime every 2nd week? Altetnatively look into babysitters or consider similar hospitality roles less dependent on night work

I think that if you wanted your ex to act like a responsible parent, you should have treated him as equal in parenting responsibilities from the beginning.
You’ve treated him like a secondary parent who couldn’t possibly handle looking after your son overnight and now you suddenly want him to step up because it suits your schedule.

To be fair it’s not just you, so many women do it upon divorce/split where they insist the children have to stay with them and try to limit their fathers’ time and reduce them to cash machines. However when they need free childcare later in life for new work commitments, holidays or even dating again, suddenly the dads are „deadbeat” and „useless”.

Seeing as its about 6% of the population that actually work 9-5 weekdays i doubt that.

Tell me any non office jobs for those hours only

And she wouldnt get saturday night off if she did the pub job as shed be working simply because of these people " letting their hair down"

Yes she needs more hours but chances of a 9-5 weekday only job are remote

I think YABU Im afraid .You expect every WE "off" .Saturday nights are often the only evening people get to go out and let their hair down.Most working Mums find jobs 9 to 5 during the week.He isnt used to having DS every week up to now .He has plans too and a life outside of being a Dad