24 yo DD is actively trying to pursue a relationship with a 40 year old, talk me down

111 replies

ByKookyPombear · 17/02/2026 09:49

She isn’t listening and I think the age gap is wrong.

OP posts:

PollyBell · 17/02/2026 10:07

She is 24

365RubyRed · 17/02/2026 10:06

My daughter, at 21, fell in love with a 37yo divorced man with 2 children he wasn't allowed to see. We made him welcome, included him in all family parties etc, even invited him to come on holiday to celebrate DH's landmark birthday. Eventually the shine wore off, and the relationship ended amicably after a while. I think if we had been disapproving and made our dislike of him known, she would have clung to him even tighter.

Try not to be judgemental. It's bloody hard.

BMW6 · 17/02/2026 10:03

She's an adult FFS! Who are you to judge whether the age gap is "appropriate"?

Keep your opinions to yourself unless she asks for it.

Carycach4 · 17/02/2026 10:03

ByKookyPombear · 17/02/2026 09:49

She isn’t listening and I think the age gap is wrong.

Reverse psychology. You tell her repeatedly that the sex will be amazing!

amber763 · 17/02/2026 10:02

Nothing you can do here. Just don't push her too far away.

clementmarot · 17/02/2026 10:02

I spent a year or two on-off seeing a guy 20 years older when I was 26/27/28 ish. Obviously these relationships do work out sometimes but in this case it was a disaster to be honest and the only relationship I actively regret. But I was very low and isolated at the time and it was definitely a product of my circumstances. I think you have to stay neutral as a parent but try to support her in other ways: once I felt better about myself, understood myself a bit better (had done some therapy which was useful for me though not for everyone obvs) and was in a better place I moved on.

Ladamesansmerci · 17/02/2026 09:58

All you can do is have an open chat about power dynamics within relationships. Otherwise support her and let her crack on, or you'll risk losing her.

Wolfiefan · 17/02/2026 09:57

She’s an adult. She needs to make her own choices.

tangobravo · 17/02/2026 09:54

Don't try and talk her out of it, just make sure she knows she can come to you with anything and hopefully that's exactly what she'll do when it ends. Alternatively, it might work out and then you'll still want her to have a relationship with you, won't you?

Shouldbedoing · 17/02/2026 09:53

If he's flashing his cash and treating her like a queen, you haven't a chance

xOlive · 17/02/2026 09:52

I think you’re being unreasonable if you’re trying to control who your 24 year-old can/should date.
The age gap would also make me uncomfortable but it’ll only drive a wedge between the two of you.
If he’s married, of course that’s different.
I’d encourage her to take it slowly perhaps as he has much more life experience than her.

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