24 yo DD is actively trying to pursue a relationship with a 40 year old, talk me down

It doesn't matter what you think - it's her life and her decision. If you try and control her - and complaining that she's not listening is trying to control her - she will stop telling you anything.

I think all you can do is kill it with kindness. You've expressed your concerns but ultimately want her to be happy. Treat him as one of the family and let her see he has more in common with you than with her!

That way you keep her close and she can come to you when it starts to go wrong. If she thinks you've always "hated" him, the realtionship will go on longer than it should out of sheer stubbornness, and she won't want to admit it, even if things turn dreadful for her.

I think all you can do is kill it with kindness. You've expressed your concerns but ultimately want her to be happy. Treat him as one of the family and let her see he has more in common with you than with her!

That way you keep her close and she can come to you when it starts to go wrong. If she thinks you've always "hated" him, the realtionship will go on longer than it should out of sheer stubbornness, and she won't want to admit it, even if things turn dreadful for her.

Not your business..I have 4 dks, unless they were involved with someone married or in a relationship, not my business. Looking back, when I was 38 I was asked out by several 18/20 year.olds at work..had a brief fling at 40, with a 25 year old.. Me female them male, I just met them for drinks as a friend, can't pretend I wasn't flattered, especially as my now ex h told me I was fat at a size 8. my neighbours are 55/75 him older, multiple health issues and she absolutely adores him..

My brother was 45 when he met his then 25 year old girlfriend. They are now married, with a little boy and incredibly happy. Yes, it’s a big age gap. Do they care? No.

What's he like?

Worse somehow than other boyfriends she has had?

Does he treat her respectfully? Do they have interests or values in common? Do they have fun together?

Do you expect her only to date people she will eventually marry?

If there is no reason to think there is something dodgy going on here, chances are if the age gap means they don't have enough in common in terms of place in their life, interests, etc, the relationship won't last. Just as if she dated a young guy and discovered they have differernt goals.

Meh. I met my ex husband when I was 27 and he was 41. We were together 13 years.

You can think what you like, it’s not your life. It’s hers. If she screws up that’s on her. It’s not your life to live. There’s probably some things people think you are wrong about too. Do they try to control you?

More info needed....

Oh he has energy for that kind of thing. He cycles to work etc. But I'm constantly on the go and he prefers to... sit. And it takes him longer to get started on jobs etc, whereas I want shit done. We used to be quite a formidable team, but it feels like he's just not as fast.

I had a short fling with a 44 year old when I was 24. It was fun and a period I look back on with fondness. It ended naturally and easily with no hurt or anything and I certainly never felt like I was taken advantage of or anything!

I had a bunk up with a 37 year old colleague when I was 21. Just a bit of fun. I’m 45 now and this year will be our 20 year wedding anniversary, we have 3 kids together and it’s still electric (when it can be with 3 kids) it does sometimes work out. My parents were welcoming and we all get along brilliantly. Had they disapproved at the time I’d probably have gone NC. Be careful here.

If he’s tired and slow and not even 60 I would suggest he sees his GP. That is really not normal.

I was 28 and DH 39 when we met. I’m now 64 and he’s 75. Yes he has slowed a little but so have I! He still has energy for travel and new things. We are still happy.

You are entitled to think what you like. Just as she is entitled to date whom she likes, because you are both adults with free will. It's not what you think, it's what you do that will impact your relationship - so you do nothing. You smile, and you let her talk about him and you say nothing.

Er, her mum? And it isn’t appropriate.

She doesn't have to listen - she's an adult. If the older partner is a nice person, maybe it could turn out to be a great relationship? Whatever, you do need to stay out of it, OP.

Also, we don't know whether the older person is male or female - not that it matters, but there are lots of assumptions in the replies!

There was a thread on here about men once they've been through a marriage, been lazy and expected the wife to take up the slack, and then went on to another marriage and realised that the problem was them and not the women and bucked up their ideas. I got the feeling the second wives got a better deal ... just a thought, maybe men sometimes grow up. TBH I think prob 40 year old men behave a lot better than 24 year old men

Are these helping, OP? Or was this a fake thread, as you haven't been back.

I dated a 41 year old when I was 25 - it lasted a year. Leave her be because if you push, you'll push her towards him. Let it fizzle in it's own time if it's meant to. If he's her 'person' nothing you say will change that

I have a dd around that age and I would be secretly horrified, but I would support her and make him welcome.

24 is old enough to make their own mistakes… or meet their older soulmate.

She's experimenting for goodness sake!
Just because she's going out with an older man doesn't mean she's going to stay with him long term as many other posters seem to suggest.
IMO, some men you date just for fun. Long term is a different proposition.
At her age she is finding out what she wants in a relationship. Just stay on the sidelines and offer a bolt hole for her to retreat to should things not work out.

Leave her to it, for goodness sake. She's an adult, he's an adult. It's completely up to her who she sees.

She’s an adult. Kindly, it’s not your business. I see your point, but it’s still not something you can get involved with. If it’s wrong for her, she’ll learn .

She’s a 24 year old adult who is probably with someone with more money and the sex is better, so you’re not going to get her to see your concerns. Just let her know you support her and let her figure out her own mistakes (assuming it is one, because it might end up being a long term relationship).

Lots of people end up dating/ involved with someone unsuitable at the age of 24, whether the reason is an age gap, total incompatibility or something else, even if it ends badly, it can be part of growing up (and perhaps stops a person making the same mistake at a more consequential age!)

There's not much you can do about it, you can say you've got reservations due to his age and that whatever you are referring to by 'attempting to date', you're not interested in hearing the details. When I was 24 I certainly wasn't running potential boyfriends past my mother, and it's the fact you know so much about this that perhaps speaks to a certain immaturity on her part? I think you can express reservations, then detach and let her make her own decisions. If it all ends in tears, just let her know you are there for and will manage not to say 'I told you so...'