24 yo DD is actively trying to pursue a relationship with a 40 year old, talk me down

MIL is 17 years younger than FIL. It was fine till he got Alzheimer's.

Genuinely, if it does go wrong, why would you say "I told you so" instead of supporting your daughter during her breakup? What does anyone gain from that?

As long as he treats her well, he isn’t controlling of her, and she’s happy it has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult. Making an issue of it now will only make it harder for her to leave if something does go wrong.

Don't blame you. It'll all end I tears, either now or in 20 years when he has hair growing from his ears and nostrils. All you can do is warn her, and then tell her "I told you so..."

You don't like it and you probably think others (eg your friends) will judge her. But my husband and I are similar age gap and have a wonderful relationship. Sure, I wouldn't tell my friends to go out looking for an age gap relationship, the usual lines about baggage, kids and care in old age aren't untrue. But each relationship should be judged on its own merit. You love who you love.

Could be worse, my university ex boyfriend (age appropriate 🤣) was awful for me, did a ton of drugs and, it later transpired, cheated multiple times.

I had a lovely relationship with someone who was 14 years my senior. We met when I was 22 and were together for five years.

The age didn’t matter to me. We didn’t get married in the end. The relationship ended amicably. I met someone soon after and had a lovely family. It was just a part of my life. He was nicer company than other men my age at the time and none of it did either of us any harm. My parents were fairly cool about it as well.

This is what I'd gently point out, 10 years gap becomes higher as time goes on

As for bring 41 and 60 yuk

I was with a guy 13 years older than me when I was in my early to mid 20s. We were together for five years and really loved each other, had lots of lovely times together. Ironically we split because HE couldn’t get his shit together in terms of future planning, house that wasn’t a house share etc! Just let it happen and be there for her if she turns to you with problems.

they are together but is she happy?

I can see why a 40 year old man could be attractive to a 24 year old. They largely grew up before smartphones and social media so have maybe avoided a lot of red pill content that younger guys have been exposed to.

In saying that, I’m 47 and the thought of being with someone 16 years older than me is grim. Maybe if it were the right person I wouldn’t mind but it definitely feels like a big gap.

It's not that similar. The other couple would be the equivalent of 24 and 52. 11 more years.

If you have to resort to petty, immature comments like "have a medal" you have already lost the argument.

You can't stop your daughter but you can absolutely share your concerns and state that you will not welcome him in your house

Which would be a really great way for the OP to drive her daughter away entirely.

Well done. Have a medal.

What business does a 24 year old have running after a 40yo man?

Any business she damn well likes, because she's a grown adult woman and she has every right to date whomever she wants to date.

I am with you OP.

A 40 year old has zero in common with a 24 year old. Completely different life stages, level of fitness and so on.

I always question why middle aged men target someone this young and usually the reasons are: they are immature and can't deal with women their age, they are only into someone for their appearance or they seek younger women because they think they are easier to control.

You can't stop your daughter but you can absolutely share your concerns and state that you will not welcome him in your house.

OP's long since buggered off...

She’s 24 and can make decisions that feel right for her without anyone else’s blessing.

If he’s got kids, I’d be 🤨 at a 40 year old dad hoping to date a 24 year old woman though and be wondering why he can’t just pick a woman around his own age but I wouldn’t say anything.
Most 40 year old dads aren’t amazing dating material for women in their early 20s, let’s be honest. But back to my original point, she can make decisions without anyone else’s blessing and sometimes it does work out. Just be there for her if the red flags pop up. 🚩

The more you show your disdain the more she will be pushed towards him. They are two adults, it’s up to them.

And honestly if he hasn’t had kids or been married, there are a lot of (fairly pathetic) 40 year old men who are the same level of maturity as an independent 25 year old woman. Everyone always talks about the power imbalance but that’s only true of men who actually do have life experience. A lot of men single at 40 and never married really don’t.

Have you met him OP? Do you have any view on what sort of bloke he is?

She’s not 18. You have to let her make her own mistakes.

I'm 28, husband nearly 41.

2 beautiful children, an amazing career, 2 cats. loads in common, 2 homes owned outright.

Happy as can be!

Let her be, my mum was funny about it at the beginning and it meant she didn't see her grandchildren for a year or so. All is fine now and she can see how bloomin happy we are! All going on a lovely holiday away later this year

Don't ruin your relationship OP, keep quiet.

TBH Theres not a lot you can do really.I mean I wouldnt like it either ,but if she senses your disapproval it will make her more keen .As long as hes not married.she will not listen .Get to know him ,sound him out sort of thing

At 24 she's capable of making her own decisions about her relationships, I certainly wouldn't have listened to my mother telling me what to do or not to do after being 16. Don't push her away. Yabu.

Her mother? She is the only person who can tell her what a stupid idiot she is and it should get through to her. What business does a 24 year old have running after a 40yo man?

Couple in this current thread has similar age gap https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5492209-to-end-my-marriage-tomorrow
maybe let DD read it?

Same age range as my sister then roughly , and it has really only started to notice in the last year as he has approached 80 and had numerous health issues whereas she’s a very fit 60+ ( runs marathons) .

When she is 50 he will be 64.