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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please tell me who is Being unreasonable

63 replies

Thisgirlcandance · 17/02/2026 09:35

18 year old DD and me usually get along fine.
However, we are not agreeing on something and haven't done for a while now.

She insists I straighten her hair once washed a couple of time a week. It's quite thick so she can't manage it properly and is never happy with the way it turns out after she does it herself.

Secondly, when she goes out she she asks for it to be put up and styled by me as again shes not happy when doing it herself.

I feel awful now because we had a row this morning as I once again insist that she keeps trying out styles in her spare time until she finds one that works for her. I don't mind styling her hair for special occasions etc but think that by now she should be comfortable doing her hair when going out on a regular basis.

So Aibu and should stop being lazy and just help her out till she finds a style that she can do herself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisgirlcandance · 17/02/2026 09:49

I'm taking the other teen into town now so will reply to your messages when I get a chance. Gosh I feel worse now

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisgirlcandance · 17/02/2026 09:48

This reply has been deleted

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Really???? No I hadn't thought any of those things! I will now though. I feel terrible 😔 I just want them to be independent.

OP posts:
Goonyoucanaskme · 17/02/2026 09:47

You are both unreasonable to try and'insist' about this. She can ask you to do her hair and you can say no. If she can't take no for an answer you can point out calmly that she doesn't have the right to demand that other people serve her! There's no need to row about it.

NewbieSM · 17/02/2026 09:47

@Rosealeaoh give over, HOW is the OP being lazy? Sounds like the daughter just wants an on demand hairstylist for free. Stop doing it Op she can have tantrum about it if she wants, do not capitulate.

foreversunshine · 17/02/2026 09:46

I feel your pain, OP. No, YANBU!

My daughter, 17, recently got hair extensions put in. Despite my telling her several times beforehand that they would be high maintenance and I didn't think she would cope well with them -information she did not want to hear - she is, shockingly, not thrilled at how much work they take to style every day.

Cue Muggins here now being responsible for straightening her hair each day.
Twice we have tried my curling/waving them like the stylist did on Day 1. Unsurprisingly, given my lack of hairstyling qualifications, it hasn't turned out the same and she's been unhappy with the results.

I've had to tell her quite succinctly to spend her weekends practicing doing her hair and if she asks for my help, just be grateful I give it and don't criticise the results. If you're not happy, go wash your hair again and do it your bloody self.

It's like back to the primary school days where I had to style her hair every morning before school. Not a chore I enjoyed 10 years ago and definitely not one I enjoy now....

Original poster
Thisgirlcandance · 17/02/2026 09:46

NewGoldFox · 17/02/2026 09:41

Is it her way of spending time with you do you think?

Never thought of it that way. Maybe. But she is well aware that I am not happy about it so who knows

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 17/02/2026 09:44

She needs to watch you tube videos and consider a styling hairdryer. I've got a Dyson, but my granddaughter has the babyliss set, which is more affordable and can now do her own hair. You can help on special outings, but she needs to manage day to day and stop wanting perfection.

Rosealea · 17/02/2026 09:43

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Griselinia · 17/02/2026 09:41

Haha she's 18 not 8. I'd be telling her to do one you're much kinder than me. It should be a favour from you, not a chore she gets to dictate to you. What other personal care is she incapable of? Does she have disabilities?

NewGoldFox · 17/02/2026 09:41

Is it her way of spending time with you do you think?

PollyBell · 17/02/2026 09:41

There is no way you should be doing this she is not 5

MayaPinion · 17/02/2026 09:40

She’s 18! If she can’t straighten her own hair by now she needs to leave it curly. That’s mad. What you could do is barter though - offer to do it in exchange for two laundries or making a family meal or changing the beds - or something else that takes an equivalent amount of time. Really though, 18 is well past the age when she should be able to manage her own hair.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 17/02/2026 09:37

Yanbu, she won’t learn if she doesn’t practice and your not going to be around forever to do her hair. Maybe she needs it cut shorter?